tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67922619983561188012024-02-06T21:58:29.061-08:00I Blog...Therefore I AmMichael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-4601814925523515642012-05-20T11:45:00.000-07:002012-05-20T11:45:45.725-07:00White Power Joins the Endangered Species List<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Years ago, when the
world’s greatest golfer was black and the world’s greatest rapper was white, I
interpreted this to be a sign of the nearly approaching apocalypse. But
thankfully, Tiger Woods, due to a steady diet of white women, saw his
domination over the world of golf disintegrate in a swarm of tabloid shrapnel.
Then Eminem ran out of people to piss off and subsequently faded into
pseudo-obscurity.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">And all was right in the
world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">But not for long. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Soon after, America would
elect its first black president and if that wasn’t enough, three years later an
Asian Harvard graduate would take over the NBA and a black Republican came a
lot closer than he should have to being a player in the GOP primaries. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">A <u>black</u> Republican!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">It’s safe to say that if
Herman Cain were gay, the sun would turn as black as sackcloth made of goat
hair and the moon would turn blood red, followed by locusts, earthquakes and so
on and so forth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Naturally, as a white man,
I tremble as each of these developments threatens to dethrone my brethren and
me as the undisputed Master Race. And while casually perusing the New York
Times yesterday, I found yet another sign that White Power’s potency is in fact
diminishing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier;">For the first time in
American history, the birth of white children fell beneath 50%. That’s right.
White births comprised of 49.6 % of all childbirths making honkey the new
minority. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">We’re all gonna fucking
die!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Okay so this is only one
year of honkey minority babies and yes, it may be a statistical anomaly but I
wouldn’t wait to start panicking. By then, it may be too late. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">In 1990, Public Enemy
released the album “Fear of a Black Planet.” It is proving to be prophetic as
that fear is now upon us in a big, big way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">What is most alarming
about the 49.6 % figure is that of that percentage, 9 % will become
homosexuals, 16 % will grow up to be agnostics or atheists and judging by
current population trends, 22 % will life in cities where racism and NRA
membership are far less prevalent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Are you panicking yet? You
should be because judging by the math, (which has not been researched in any
way, shape or form) that means that only 2.6 % of the children born last year
will grow up to be heterosexual, gun-toting torch-bearers for the great white
hope of tomorrow. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">If you listen closely, you
can hear our dreams shattering…and the faint thud of rap music that is getting
louder by the moment. Someone must put an end to all this Linsanity. And in
this time of need, God is simply not answering our prayers. Thankfully, the
Super PACs are. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Intent on preventing four
more years of an Ebony and Ivory White House palette, Joe Rickets, the founder
of TD Ameritrade who is involved with several conservative Super PACs, is
hoping to unleash a series of ads linking Obama to Reverend Jeremiah Wright. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Thank God! John McCain
refused to take the low road four years ago in a watershed moment for a GOP, an
uncharacteristic display of political integrity for a party that is pretty
anemic in matters of moral fiber. Well, McCain isn’t around this time to stick
his righteous snout into the middle of this celebration of 1<sup>st</sup>
Amendment rights that also validates everything magical and wonderful about the
Citizens United Supreme Court ruling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaNneZQ00fZq3l_so5jEzYOSvHD3Qqpmd1bNPaz_di9PlXnriBDKw-J16FDIbso2YpuaDLdcOvdV1-xukItEXQxO4Q8uBr68AEczujHesTc1MJmV6-g7yVadoUxaiU5qI3-YFKmKz8yZo/s1600/Racist-Tactic-407_Barrack-Hussein-Obama.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaNneZQ00fZq3l_so5jEzYOSvHD3Qqpmd1bNPaz_di9PlXnriBDKw-J16FDIbso2YpuaDLdcOvdV1-xukItEXQxO4Q8uBr68AEczujHesTc1MJmV6-g7yVadoUxaiU5qI3-YFKmKz8yZo/s320/Racist-Tactic-407_Barrack-Hussein-Obama.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Super PACs have full reign
baby! They can say whatever they want, they can get as ugly as they want and
they are surely not going to be challenged by a political gastropod like Mitt
Romney.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Aaahhh Super PACs…the
nameless, faceless henchmen of the campaign trail. Without them, the Republican
party might actually be forced to campaign from its ideological platform
comprised of such infallible theories as ‘trickle down economics’, ‘eternal
war-time tax cuts for the rich’ and ‘the annihilation of all social safety
nets.’ Because that would not be the easiest campaign to win. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">So it is by the grace of
God that we still have hate-mongering and race-bating to fan the flames of the
furious far right. That hatred and bigotry is the lifeblood of the GOP’s base
and we would flounder and falter without it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Although the Wright ads,
whose content are far too despicable to even mention here, have not been
green-lit as of yet, it’s promising that they are at least being proposed.
Because there is no better way to stimulate genuine political debate than to
play decade-old sound bites from a man not running for president who is no
longer affiliated with either candidate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">So on behalf of myself and
White America, I would like to thank Joe Rickets and his Super PAC army for
once again dragging black people, the Democratic Party, universal health care,
hopes for a compassionate welfare state and the entire American political arena
back into the gutter where it all belongs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Because this election
could very well turn into a legitimate debate about two men with different
ideas for this country. And that is a debate the GOP simply cannot win.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-82667588243771463832012-04-25T20:22:00.001-07:002012-04-25T20:22:52.190-07:00Racist? Verbal Diarrhea? Or Just Plain Ignorant? GOP All-Stars At It Again<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Last August, when
Republican Congressman Doug Lamborn used the term “tar baby” in a condemnation
of Obama’s economic policies, he apologized, backtracked and recanted usage of
the term because…well, he’s probably not a moron. And using a term like “tar
baby” when castigating our nation’s first black president is so offensive that
if one has aspirations of re-election in any state other than Alabama (he reps
Colorado by the way), apologizing for such a slur is a smart move. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">But last week, when
Michelle Bachman said “This is just about waving a tar baby in the air and
saying that something else is a problem” when discussing Obama’s energy policy,
I honestly can’t ascertain if this comment is racist (which is quite possible)
or if she is so oblivious to social mores that the statement’s inherent bigotry
escapes her (which is equally likely). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Am I being naïve? Maybe
part of me wants to believe that an elected official and ex-presidential
hopeful with such a close relationship to Jesus Christ would never dare utter
such a hate-mongering slur. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9N4xX4qPTbC4DGRO4kpKZfd8kW3XIZ5ZZrTAcRAC4WtsukSSZn0ZKEL2UkCA00O-i0D64Z_ZQqFwK4WXxiolA7Fev7zmig0fEegd5fnQkuJt2HE-QrRgfeSLR4dHHTBj9nRsZDUpOTYQ/s1600/bachmann+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9N4xX4qPTbC4DGRO4kpKZfd8kW3XIZ5ZZrTAcRAC4WtsukSSZn0ZKEL2UkCA00O-i0D64Z_ZQqFwK4WXxiolA7Fev7zmig0fEegd5fnQkuJt2HE-QrRgfeSLR4dHHTBj9nRsZDUpOTYQ/s1600/bachmann+pic.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>I can anal-rape your soul with my thoughts!</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">But one has to wonder. The
woman does have 247 foster children. The woman conducted her entire on-camera
post-State of the Union address to an imaginary friend standing camera left.
The woman publicly proposed that HPV vaccines cause mental retardation and
when<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>look into the eyes of this
photo, I see a woman not only capable of racism, but also arson, battery and
kitten genocide. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">So was she making a
not-so-subtle jab at Barry? I’m sorry but I can not recall ever having even
heard the fucking term ‘tar baby’ used to describe a ‘sticky situation’ which
both Lamborn and Bachmann have cited in defense of their comments. Taken by
itself, one slip like this would be easier to dismiss. But when you take these
comments and place them alongside a litany of GOP remarks, one starts to
glimpse a larger, more disturbing picture. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Newt Gingrich, who for
some reason is still running for President, famously made headlines earlier in
the year when he said “Obama is the best food stamp president in American
history.” And unlike Bachmann, I’m willing to concede that Newt has control
over his verbal faculties and knows exactly what he’s saying. In case you
missed the subtext to his little quote, here it is. ‘Our black president has
gotten more black people on welfare than any of our WHITE presidents ever did.
And the WHITE taxpayers are footing the bill!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-jdc4NOo1TB6ASzA4tnvnG9d1sI1mAUUaeONDSWhQT9rMaaATu2ExKtv4FZFhWZDl71o8fcVLxXVQOxItwK2rs20rLDbjAgSHThLIUrRjSmm8bcu1kaGPPrpdi1Al2IZvxDp4tXJNrn0/s1600/monkey+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-jdc4NOo1TB6ASzA4tnvnG9d1sI1mAUUaeONDSWhQT9rMaaATu2ExKtv4FZFhWZDl71o8fcVLxXVQOxItwK2rs20rLDbjAgSHThLIUrRjSmm8bcu1kaGPPrpdi1Al2IZvxDp4tXJNrn0/s1600/monkey+pic.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">So how far have we come
from the “He’s a terrorist” shouts of the McCain campaign trail? How far have
we come from this picture that was circulated via email by California
Republican official Marilyn Davenport? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Not very far. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">And now, in the latter
stages of the ‘Who can out-white each other’ primary, the Republicans have
anointed Mitt Romney as their chosen honky. It was a squeaker but in the end,
Santorum’s sweater-vest, God-peddling vengeance was no match for Mitt’s
Mormony, country club pedigree.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Eager to hop on the
accidental racism bandwagon, Romney recently unveiled his latest prop; a
non-racist, I repeat NON-RACIST sign that says simply and quite elegantly
“Obama Isn’t Working.” And again, like all the other slings mentioned above,
this one too can be written off as ‘inadvertently racist.’ Republicans will
predictably claim it is an assessment of Obama’s policies and not an affront to
the stereotype of black men as lazy, jobless welfare recipients. But come on
man. Seriously. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU1cfWNVzNgzl6MjBKsFDVV4lLJf4NrRADICbKMyKC-CwbRCF7RB68D0Dp_x3w8fduzf9UGHEVlj9M6hRG-Vg5bMUZNT2Dq2UdAjIVZ0GkZzKThhXmg_xHv5v8vWdXl0Bea7LBZgLQLlI/s1600/romney+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU1cfWNVzNgzl6MjBKsFDVV4lLJf4NrRADICbKMyKC-CwbRCF7RB68D0Dp_x3w8fduzf9UGHEVlj9M6hRG-Vg5bMUZNT2Dq2UdAjIVZ0GkZzKThhXmg_xHv5v8vWdXl0Bea7LBZgLQLlI/s1600/romney+pic.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">It begs one to question
how much racism is clouding the upcoming election. I like to think that after
four years, it would be less of a factor. But a recent <a href="http://www.people-press.org/2012/04/17/section-1-general-election-preferences/">Pew Survey</a> showed that
among white male voters, Obama trails Romney by 26 percentage points. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">By comparison, McCain
garnered more white male votes by a 16 percent margin. So Obama faces more
formidable obstacles than a sluggish economy and high gas prices. He faces an
enormous deficit amidst this voting block.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">So here I am, a white male
voter, asking myself what polls might reveal if Obama were white. Are these
poll marks comparable to what any incumbent president presiding over a bad
economy would receive? Or are they those of a black incumbent president? I hate
the fact that I am even asking this question but I feel it’s a valid one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">I never liked John Kerry.
But would a black George W. Bush have received a second term with a resume that
included Iraq, Katrina and his annihilation of a five trillion dollar budgetary
surplus? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">Probably not. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier;">But conjecture like that
is futile. In the mean time, let us hope that this sideshow does not persist
through to November. Let’s hope Republican leaders put a stop to this. I like
to think that the GOP is better than these bullshit shenanigans. But I could
very well be wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-15603632499443444042012-04-13T21:03:00.000-07:002012-04-13T21:03:32.129-07:00In Mitt They Trust - Finally…A Candidate Emerges…Sort OfCan you hear it? If you listen carefully, you can hear the faint shrieks of 1.5 million home-schooled evangelical Christians. You can hear creationists, pro-lifers and Tea Party zealots from the Bible Belt to Wasilla crying out in one unified and desperate plea, screaming a question that will never be answered…’Rick, why have you forsaken me?!’<br />
<br />
Why? The answer is actually pretty simple and I’m gonna go ahead and provide it for you. It’s because God doesn’t really like these people as much as they’d like to think. And furthermore, God, even with all his omnipotence, cannot in and of him or herself, win a primary when a general election looms on the horizon. <br />
<br />
This is good news!!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRHDYYI5yHOFLfqlkLX1jS5cD6iaJen9pMjJ2hngVx62AAhgAFu_g2gDmJhNoaKeAzsiFGlxCGjEqQf-JuqS3kahQF9yPV5plz62ZEI2zaDM8QxZ2XQJgJw4kyCT9-IEuUDPDTEASbRPw/s1600/SANTORUM+PIC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRHDYYI5yHOFLfqlkLX1jS5cD6iaJen9pMjJ2hngVx62AAhgAFu_g2gDmJhNoaKeAzsiFGlxCGjEqQf-JuqS3kahQF9yPV5plz62ZEI2zaDM8QxZ2XQJgJw4kyCT9-IEuUDPDTEASbRPw/s200/SANTORUM+PIC.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Well, not for attendees of Jesus Camp or people who agree with Santorum’s claim that college is for snobs and GEDs and elbow grease will lead us into the future. But it is great news for those who identify themselves as moderate, centrist, independent, reasonable and/or sane. <br />
<br />
<br />
Because now we can get serious. Barring an unprecedented rise from the ashes by Newt; which, given Romney’s general unlikability is not completely impossible, we can now officially anoint Mitt as the GOP nominee. Wait a second… Is Ron Paul even running anymore? I honestly don’t know. If not, I’ll miss him. He’s kind of adorable and he makes me giggle. <br />
<br />
Moving along. So the race to the extreme right is over and the wooing of conservatives has crescendoed in conclusive failure. Is that even a term? If not, let us anoint this political moment as such…a conclusive failure…evidence that pandering to the extreme right does not win elections and doing so is a waste of time for EVERYONE. Democrats and Republicans. <br />
<br />
Because trying to out-Christian each other will not augment or enhance our fragile yet modestly improving economy. Doing so is futile anyway because Romney is Mormon and let’s be honest, that’s not exactly a cult…but it ain’t exactly Christian either. <br />
<br />
Proudly flashing your mega-pro-life credentials will not spur productive discourse about how to handle Iran, how to intervene in Syria should the situation continue to deteriorate or how to continue fighting terrorists in Afghanistan and beyond. <br />
<br />
Seeing who can out-fellate Paul Ryan’s fantastically preposterous budget will not bring us any closer to a budget that has a remote chance of passing both houses of a Senate that has not been playing very nicely with each other. <br />
<br />
Finding out who can shout “Drill, baby drill!” the loudest will not bring us any closer to energy independence nor will debating how many gunracks can fit in the trunk of a Volt help prevent another Trayvon Martin incident. <br />
<br />
So let’s get serious. Finally. <br />
<br />
Let’s talk about the vast differences of an incumbent president who embraces the Buffet Rule as a foundation for tax reform; one that will help bridge the ever-widening equality gap. Then let’s talk about the guy who made a pretty damn good living chopping up companies and laying off the spare parts…errr, I mean, people. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi25QoneTllXP6rU8ejAiKIaztzBYWOxxcApnWY8MIDhQRzqpKQJNge04WLe2bLfzvlZODwIl8vYv0hcZFlWR57eXlP0ob66EG12EFtym0huaLGtdO5zILK6FXP_5WtWLF8NBZiVRSfCnA/s1600/ROMNEY+PIC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi25QoneTllXP6rU8ejAiKIaztzBYWOxxcApnWY8MIDhQRzqpKQJNge04WLe2bLfzvlZODwIl8vYv0hcZFlWR57eXlP0ob66EG12EFtym0huaLGtdO5zILK6FXP_5WtWLF8NBZiVRSfCnA/s1600/ROMNEY+PIC.jpg" /></a></div>Since the right is so obsessed with morals and character, let’s talk about a president who set Health Care Reform at the top of an ambitious agenda right in the middle of a financial meltdown he helped mitigate. Then let’s discuss the moral character of a man who tied a diarrhetic dog to the roof of his fucking car.<br />
<br />
Let’s talk about an incumbent that killed Osama bin Laden and helped backseat drive Libya into stability then let’s talk about the guy who thinks earning $374,000 in speaking fees in one year is “not very much” money. <br />
<br />
Listen to Barry sing two lines of Al Green and then listen to Mittens singing ‘America the Beautiful’ in a failed attempt to sound like a homo sapien instead of the spineless, flip-flopping automaton that he is. <br />
<br />
Let’s talk. Let’s seriously talk about these two very different men, their vastly different worldviews and their startlingly different ideas for our country. <br />
<br />
Let’s talk, and I’m not joking, about whether or not Mitt Romney honestly believes that his underwear will protect him from evil spirits, temptations of the flesh or increases in Medicaid costs. Because if the Republican presidential nominee believes in divine super-panties, that is something voters should know before going into a booth and casting their ballot.<br />
<br />
Let’s talk about a president that passed the largest Health Care overhaul in American history. And then let’s talk about a Massachusetts governor who passed the same fucking thing but lacks the conviction to admit it proudly because doing so would be politically inconvenient in a primary climate governed by extremism not by logic and certainly not by compassion. <br />
<br />
It’s time to start seriously talking about the choices facing this country. I will miss the silliness. But it’s time to get serious nonetheless. <br />
<br />
Granted, that would be easier if the Republican candidate weren’t such a fucking joke. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVCP9WLBvFlkTN572RzchSgB1pM0NafdnSj-37rp6iR1VgzHcf8NsCcStl3PuZbAse_NDzfSfLc-1KLy-hH575ESg5K-QIfS7HUtsB95y4L3gHveIfiQv2VqGUt9PVpyDTeCqI-tgx9EU/s1600/ROMNEY2+PIC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVCP9WLBvFlkTN572RzchSgB1pM0NafdnSj-37rp6iR1VgzHcf8NsCcStl3PuZbAse_NDzfSfLc-1KLy-hH575ESg5K-QIfS7HUtsB95y4L3gHveIfiQv2VqGUt9PVpyDTeCqI-tgx9EU/s1600/ROMNEY2+PIC.jpg" /></a></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-82092581245571158302012-03-03T19:07:00.000-08:002012-03-03T19:07:01.190-08:00GOP’s Culture War Soon to Claim Largest Casualty…The GOP!<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Aaaaahh it’s primary season for the GOP! With spring bearing down on America, you can almost hear chirping sparrows nesting and flowers blossoming. Almost. You can’t because they are drowned out by the cacophony of the Republican Party’s culture wars. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As our economy continues to show signs of improvement (which, as a minor side note, is kind of a result of some big decisions made by the incumbent president) and Obama’s approval ratings climbing, the Republicans are doing everything they can to distract voters by going back to their ever-reliable failsafe; cultural issues that will have no discernable impact on those voters’ lives. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And as usual, their reason for engaging in said culture wars is because they have no actual ideas of their own. ‘Cut the deficit even if it stifles our fragile recovery, cut taxes for the rich and trickle down magic will manifest’, bla bla fucking bla. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So here they go again…waging war on anyone who champions the rights of gays, minorities and, lately, pro-choicers. These culture wars have been going on for decades, shape shifting and evolving as Obama entered the public arena. Misplaced Islamophobia ran rampant, soon to be followed by the birtherism movement. Birtherism. That is actually a fucking term in the American lexicon now. Staggering isn’t it? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJn83Uwhs3FCNJjEqS2sHQjNJeLiCd7cHsZc5uX_oXyRcHwkvWVuPhjfRbogUfiNH02S6fhIxUU3CZeRprf2k61SfzDKAFkyZvslbV2-k3zKniwoUTRXN6hMmcpQ2p2qKb3lgXsopLlHg/s1600/newt+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJn83Uwhs3FCNJjEqS2sHQjNJeLiCd7cHsZc5uX_oXyRcHwkvWVuPhjfRbogUfiNH02S6fhIxUU3CZeRprf2k61SfzDKAFkyZvslbV2-k3zKniwoUTRXN6hMmcpQ2p2qKb3lgXsopLlHg/s200/newt+pic.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>A black president? Come on!!!</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And remember GOP presidential hopeful (and hopeless) Newt’s claim that our president displayed “Kenyan anti-colonialism.” </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Shit man, it’s been three years and I still don’t know what that means but it sure does sound scary, un-American and really, really BLACK!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">These sentiments have not vanished. They pop up intermittently as various Republican stooges make preposterous claims about Obama not being a good Christian, or not being Christian enough or not anti-Muslim enough. Such claims are nonsensical bullshit and go away quickly, rightly so. But Republicans keep firing away, trying and occasionally succeeding to rile up a base that is eternally starved for red meat that is filling though not altogether nourishing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Let’s get back to abortion and contraception since they have been so prevalent in the news lately. These issues never fail to whip the GOP base into a frenzy, driving them further from the center and further from reason. Just look at what has been going on. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The Senate rejects a Republican effort to restrict health care that covers birth control at Catholic universities and institutions and what happens? Rush Limbaugh takes to the airwaves calling a college student a ‘slut’ and a ‘prostitute’. Come on dude. And what other highlights have this issue spurred recently? In yet another grotesque attempt to cater to the base, Rick Santorum, while campaigning in Michigan, said that JFK’s speech on the separation of church and state “makes him throw up.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Okay. Nothing extreme or psychotic about professing that something written in the Constitution makes you want to vomit. Nothing at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">It’s kind of remarkable that the GOP is too stupid to realize that rhetoric this extreme is crippling their chances come November. It should be common knowledge that Republicans don’t have to worry about procuring the votes of their base because those members will never cast a ballot for that Kenyan anti-colonial black guy who sings Al Green in public…even though he sings much better than Mitt Romney.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/p9Zp7hoqM0c" width="500"></iframe><br />
<br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">And, FYI, the Republican Party does consist of a few women. And those few sexually active Republican women that do NOT spend their summers at Jesus Camp might be a little turned off (pun intended?) by what Democrats are already hailing as ‘the Republican war on women.’</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And this is where we find ourselves…in a political climate dictated by the most extreme faction of the Republican Party. Tea Partiers, take your bows. Although this has been going on for quite some time, you helped to re-imagine it for modern times. Way to go. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And the race into the gutter continues. Last week, when talking about the hybrid Chevy Volt, Newt Gingrich unleashed what I believe to be one of the worst lines ever uttered in the history of American politics. He said, and yes, this is an actual quote, “You can’t put a gun rack in a Volt.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">It is an oratorical marvel to be able to pack so much bile and ignorance into one nine-word sentence and as a writer; a small part of me is awestruck with admiration…or maybe revulsion. Let’s illuminate all the things about this statement that are so horribly wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">One: and I’m gonna channel Wayne Campbell here, a car should not have ‘<u>a</u> <u>gun</u> let alone <u>many</u> <u>guns</u> that would necessitate <u>an</u> <u>entire</u> <u>rack</u>.’ <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Two: the statement is inherently false. See Exhibit A: <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIEiTPXPwK2xhG9kG-_e2E3n7xCrlIlp6i5hLKiMrzzMpSPPTyBDl-XalRO-78vHFm7Fw3Wf13Ehr6KGUFQzFS_noJuDMHKtpPQ-8IgVU00DojMFaQHnxlWJZK4itXQs9I2vUjpysrcuU/s1600/volt+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIEiTPXPwK2xhG9kG-_e2E3n7xCrlIlp6i5hLKiMrzzMpSPPTyBDl-XalRO-78vHFm7Fw3Wf13Ehr6KGUFQzFS_noJuDMHKtpPQ-8IgVU00DojMFaQHnxlWJZK4itXQs9I2vUjpysrcuU/s400/volt+pic.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Yes, the Chevy Volt fits a gun rack with room to spare in which you could fit a dear carcass. Or more guns.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Three: that’s not the point…you shouldn’t have guns in your fucking car. PERIOD!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Four: right before making that statement, he heralded the Volt as “an interesting experimental car” which, along with the nugget that immediately followed, further suggested that electrical cars are less manly and less American than gas-guzzling internal-combustion cars that destroy the environment while supporting the economies of nations that fund terrorists hell-bent on destroying America.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Five: this assault on electric cars reinforces the claims of the GOP that global warming is a myth perpetrated by liberal, atheistic scientists. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Six: what this country needs after yet another senseless high school mass-homicide, is less stringent gun control laws.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Seven: In case you didn’t hear me the first time. YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE GUNS IN YOUR FUCKING CAR. PERIOD!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Karl Rove calls guns an ‘anger point’ and it is, proving time and time again that it will never fail to trigger a potent, Pavlovian response from conservatives. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So further to the right they go. Further and further; besmirching logic, alienating independents and annihilating Republican chances of re-taking the white house. Now, as a fervent Democrat, why do I oppose this?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Because I am a Darwinist god damnit. I believe in survival of the fittest as a principle, as a fundamental truth, as a moral imperative. And the Republican Party is shitting on it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Two opposing political parties battling for supremacy should result in victory for the best party with the best ideas that result in the best policies and the best lives for all Americans. That is what should happen in any race, political or otherwise. The best athlete should win. But the republicans are running a fucking potato sack race and they are funning backwards. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">It has been downright comical to watch the hopefuls, from Perry to Caine to Romney, falling over themselves in efforts to portray themselves as the most worthy conservative torch-barer. Meanwhile, the presidential candidate that consistently polled among the lowest and has long since dropped out, was also the only reasonable Republican who had any chance of winning over independents; John Huntsman. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So as the only legitimate conservative in the mix (Sorry Newt, you can’t have nine divorces on your resume and qualify as such), will Rick Santorum triumph? He just might. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And if he does, what will happen as a result of this self-destructive conservative pandering? Well, it can, probably and hopefully will culminate in the re-election of Barack Obama. And maybe this is a wake-up call the Republican Party will learn from. Because as Joe Nocera wrote in the Times on Saturday, “An alcoholic doesn’t stop drinking until he hits rock bottom. The Republican Party won’t change until it hits bottom. Only [a Santorum loss] offers that possibility.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/03/opinion/nocera-rooting-for-santorum.html<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So maybe that’s it. Maybe an electoral ass kicking is what the GOP needs to change its ways. Lets hope so. Because these social wars are bad for Republican’ hopes for a long and healthy political life. They are bad for our two-party system. They are bad for common sense and they are bad for America. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But they sure are great for Democrats! <o:p></o:p></span></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-48188018131855355902012-02-07T10:41:00.000-08:002012-02-07T10:41:54.433-08:00The GOP and the 1% - Soulmates?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:DocumentProperties> <o:Template>Normal</o:Template> <o:Revision>0</o:Revision> <o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime> <o:Pages>1</o:Pages> <o:Words>1056</o:Words> <o:Characters>5070</o:Characters> <o:Lines>149</o:Lines> <o:Paragraphs>26</o:Paragraphs> <o:CharactersWithSpaces>7393</o:CharactersWithSpaces> <o:Version>11.1539</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:DoNotShowRevisions/> <w:DoNotPrintRevisions/> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:UseMarginsForDrawingGridOrigin/> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I really can’t say for certain whether our nation’s current tax policy is merely ironic or a flagrant bitch-slap to the face of the middle class. I’m not even gonna get into the lower class because, as the GOP’s frontrunner so eloquently put it, I’m not really concerned about the very poor either. Food Stamp Nation can fend for itself. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But for all the cries of ‘class warfare’, socialism’ ‘the 99 %’ and whatever other colorful terms have been slung from either side of the aisle, there is a serious issue of income inequality facing our economy, aided and abetted by a tax code that is in dire need of a make-over. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And what is the GOP proposing to do about it? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Absolutely nothing. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I find that to be astounding. Am I alone on that?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Even in the face of the Occupy Movement and irrefutable evidence of an unparalleled concentration of wealth, the Republican position on the matter continues to be ‘cut taxes for the wealthy.’ In an upcoming presidential election that is rife for a Republican reclamation of the White House, they do not have anything even remotely representing a solution to this issue. I have not heard John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Mitt Romney or any other prominent member of the GOP propose an overhaul of the tax code that levels the playing field.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The Buffet rule was proposed by our nation’s second richest American and incidentally, it was supported by Mr. Gates, who currently holds the #1 ranking. Yet all those other millionaires and billionaires who so impotently lie on the outskirts of the Forbes 400 seem to be in dire need of Republican support. And they continue to get it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And it is both apropos and for all Republican’s hoping to take back the White House, unfortunate, that in this era of income inequality, they are pinning their hopes on the posterchild for the 1%. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvGH6lgjxkTvW1klv3CTb3MX9UU-EfqXzgM4iEwPsDUmf_ipJz8l99tkeGSBO3D50rdBj0mefJwxHku_UQfLr3tH2iExBAFzWRyOFyHvY0COsWt775cDdjd74uS4B_4XQv0VsLPvpJdKk/s1600/MONEY+PIC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvGH6lgjxkTvW1klv3CTb3MX9UU-EfqXzgM4iEwPsDUmf_ipJz8l99tkeGSBO3D50rdBj0mefJwxHku_UQfLr3tH2iExBAFzWRyOFyHvY0COsWt775cDdjd74uS4B_4XQv0VsLPvpJdKk/s1600/MONEY+PIC.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Even though Mittens likes to joke that he is unemployed, most unemployed don’t rake in $60,000 a day. (Try not to vomit but yes, that is an accurate approximation) And most Americans are not fortunate enough to pay 13.9% of their taxes on income, regardless of where that income came from.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><i>Blogger’s sidenote: Hey did you ever notice that when anagrammed, Romney encapsulates the word ‘money’ with an extra ‘r’ for ‘rich’?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">In case you haven’t noticed, our economy isn’t doing very well. In spite of the fact that unemployment rates have reached the same rate that they were when Obama took office, 8.3%, the general outlook is still south of optimistic. I hate to speak in bumper stickers…but the 99% still isn’t exactly flourishing. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And what does Romney, who sadly enough, is looking like the Republican nominee,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>propose? Brace yourselves. Seriously, this should be a ‘what the fuck’ moment in your lives. If it isn’t, defibrillate yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">According to the Tax Policy Center, a <u>non-partisan</u> institute, Romney’s tax plan would raise, that’s right folks, RAISE, taxes on households making less than $20,000 a year. Not individuals, HOUSEHOLDS with numerous people living within them. People…homo sapiens. And it would not only raise them, it would raise them by…wait for it…60%!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I just shat myself. Did you? If not…again…the defibrillator.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But Romney’s tax plan is not all gloom and rain clouds, it would cut taxes for households making between 50 and 75K a year…by a whopping 2%! That equals about $250 dollars by the way…which those households could use to treat themselves to a new space heater or splurge on a luxury item like a year’s worth of indoor plumbing. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But the best part about R-money’s tax plan is what it does to bridge this income inequality gap. (Incidentally, I’ve already trademarked the term R-money so don’t use it without my express written consent which you will never get)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">R-money’s tax plan would cut taxes for millionaires (yes, people making at least a million dollars a year) by 15%, resulting in an additional $146,000 a year that would land in the pockets of said millionaires…as opposed to the $250 dollars that would land in the pockets of the ‘mildly poor’, who are apparently just as little of a concern to Mitt as the ‘very poor.’<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYHnmaip-s8xmdAZbntPNG6dV2aPAWsVsQZZ35Iwnbh30sZoO5dMlAl0AjssPyJ7uLH7QZwFI0Kv-qc4hxXEwDeTzX432q0dUMEW4BEiskVTWC4SUFJBO0HSBc0WErcK6MH5hqsKKlBVU/s1600/TRUMP+PIC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYHnmaip-s8xmdAZbntPNG6dV2aPAWsVsQZZ35Iwnbh30sZoO5dMlAl0AjssPyJ7uLH7QZwFI0Kv-qc4hxXEwDeTzX432q0dUMEW4BEiskVTWC4SUFJBO0HSBc0WErcK6MH5hqsKKlBVU/s1600/TRUMP+PIC.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So what would equate to an $180 billion reduction in tax revenues per year would accomplish one goal, to…wait for it…that’s right, make rich people like Mitt Romney even richer. No wonder Donald Trump has recently latched onto Romney’s coattails. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">So yet again, the GOP is held hostage by it’s own venom. With a message cloaked in racism and an unhealthy infusion of religion into politics, roughly fifty million republicans will vote AGAINST their own economic interests. They will vote AGAINST their financial future.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">This has been and remains to be, the biggest and admittedly impressive coup d’etat of the Republican party…their ability to convince its caucus to cast their votes in favor of their own peril. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Goddamn that’s impressive!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">How do you do that? How do you convince people to vote for a person that will make their lives harder? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Well, sadly enough, it’s actually not that difficult. You tell an uber-christian, homophobic, slightly more racist cross-section (a very large cross-section actually, most of the country) of the American populous that their president is a Muslim socialist and they will be considerably open to the idea. Tell those same voters that our president wants to kill God’s embryonic children, marry queers and give all your hard-earned money to pay for food stamps and welfare for minority crackheads and you will succeed in chalking up one more vote for the GOP…a party whose current presidential frontrunner’s plan for improving income inequality is to raise taxes on the poor and cut them for the rich. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">What the fuck are you thinking Republican America? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Do you hate black people and homosexuals? If so, fine, hate them. But don’t let your hatred for them raise taxes on the poor and drastically minimize our social safety net while broadening income inequality for years to come. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Do you want to preserve the life of countless fetal souls? Then rear your children properly and keep them from getting impregnated. But don’t elect a political fuckdoll who has less of a soul than any embryo to begin with. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Obama wants to level the playing field and create a tax code that closes the inequality gap that has been growing for far too long. Voters of the United States of America, I implore, you…let him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><!--EndFragment-->Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-57571847609073038132012-02-01T10:52:00.000-08:002012-02-01T10:52:06.352-08:00Everybody’s Gone Mormon…Mormon USA!!! (sung to the tune of the Beach Boys classic)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:DocumentProperties> <o:Template>Normal</o:Template> <o:Revision>0</o:Revision> <o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime> <o:Pages>1</o:Pages> <o:Words>808</o:Words> <o:Characters>4043</o:Characters> <o:Lines>115</o:Lines> <o:Paragraphs>20</o:Paragraphs> <o:CharactersWithSpaces>5660</o:CharactersWithSpaces> <o:Version>11.1539</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:DoNotShowRevisions/> <w:DoNotPrintRevisions/> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:UseMarginsForDrawingGridOrigin/> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Following a commanding Romney victory in Florida, it is finally time for us to face our worst fears and surrender to them. On inauguration day, less than one year from now…we will be welcoming in our first Mormon president. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Perhaps what is most alarming about this is that a such a notion induces more confusion than fear. Well, that is because this country is very ignorant; especially in their knowledge of the Mormon faith. If they were blessed with my knowledge and foresight, they would be very afraid. I have seen the future once again…and it is terrifying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So take a voyage into a horrifying tomorrow. Journey with me…into a Mormon America. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But before you leave, put on a clean pair of Mormon magic panties. I am wearing mine. They will neutralize your mojo but they will protect you from evil and venereal disease. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I know this underwear is an easy target but never the less; it is one we need to hold under a microscope. Because beyond their general silliness are social and financial ramifications that will alter the landscape of America. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">When Romney is elected, all Republican’s will be forced to convert to the Mormon faith. The Tea Party is running the Republican Party these days and after failing to come up with a Romney alternative of their own, they will have to team up with Mittens because a house divided amongst itself cannot defeat a black, Muslim incumbent. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So with roughly 55 million registered Republicans marching around in Mormon magic panties (I’ve trademarked that term so don’t even think about using it), the underwear industry will tank. Victoria’s Secret’s stock will plummet. Calvin Klein, likewise. Billions of dollars in taxable lingerie revenue will be lost. But more importantly…many people will simply stop having sex. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4sx6G3ut9TkPgGjr0E_CvmQZYXZOZftBBhUa4lD5GmeURqbK_zvZhZKmd-IOi29cvjbaC2PG-054I2QECpQAE_iO8YgqRRl1NgHsef8ca_A68X-T59rp5RPZ74BFJ4rGI8YzM7pEzO78/s1600/panty+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4sx6G3ut9TkPgGjr0E_CvmQZYXZOZftBBhUa4lD5GmeURqbK_zvZhZKmd-IOi29cvjbaC2PG-054I2QECpQAE_iO8YgqRRl1NgHsef8ca_A68X-T59rp5RPZ74BFJ4rGI8YzM7pEzO78/s320/panty+pic.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">How do I know this? Easy. Would you fuck anyone wearing that? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">I didn’t think so. So with less people having unprotected sex, that will result in less unwanted pregnancies, less childbirths, etcetera. Gerber stocks will take a dive and when Toys R Us declares bankruptcy, Geoffrey the giraffe will commit suicide.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">OshKosh B’Gosh’s stranglehold on the child clothing market will finally be released and they will struggle to stay afloat.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Planned Parenthoods will close across the country and the abortion debate will disappear entirely, lending credibility to conservatives’ long-held and fallacious belief that women should not have control over their own bodies. This will both validate and vilify Mitt Romney's official position on the issue. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIACgiUOZGjy2YK75_gg2yYSY29XyCB-ogkn6S4p7eXydgeHRef94r5m3oKP32m_qr4XT3i-TebwNy25HKGg6T1gvDsfWBGqExidT2_tuomP24V-Agpx2JTXjU5MZS8iyNlGhPGrf5-Mc/s1600/bieber+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="143" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIACgiUOZGjy2YK75_gg2yYSY29XyCB-ogkn6S4p7eXydgeHRef94r5m3oKP32m_qr4XT3i-TebwNy25HKGg6T1gvDsfWBGqExidT2_tuomP24V-Agpx2JTXjU5MZS8iyNlGhPGrf5-Mc/s200/bieber+pic.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">With countless people yearning for spiritual security, a nation-wide obsession with the ‘laying of hands’ will ensue. Bon Jovi’s “Lay Your Hands on Me” will catapult to the top of the Billboard charts where it will remain for the duration of the Romney administration, serving as a potent anecdote to Bieber Fever. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Polygamy will provide a convenient outlet for every American man suffering from commitment issues, most of whom are either horny Democrats, Catholic priests or sexually repressed Republican Senators. Mormonism’s numbers will double and <i>The Real Housewives of New Jersey</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> will be canceled, replaced by <i>The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;">. Nobody will watch that show either.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Children across the country will reluctantly be forced to tithe ten percent of their lunch money every day…and ten percent of their weekly allowance. This sudden influx of funds will make The Mormon Church the largest multi-national conglomerate in the country and with no other job prospects, Newt Gingrich will be employed as their chief consultant though not, I repeat, NOT a lobbyist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But the most devastating consequence of the Romney presidency will be his position as America’s foremost political AND spiritual leader. The already flimsy separation between Church and State will disintegrate entirely and with Mitt’s flip-flopping proclivities, his bully pulpit will be a very confusing place. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">He will save our souls in his first term only to damn them during his re-election bid. He will vehemently defend both positions. His successful campaign to overturn Roe v. Wade will be rendered moot because no one is having sex anyway. A few years later, he will propose overturning it yet again, denying that he ever championed its reversal in the first place. In 2016, Republicans will conveniently forget this again as they support his re-election campaign because as a result of Herman Cain’s incarceration for sexually harassing a deep dish pizza, there are simply no other viable Republican candidates. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcw9fZhkRykc6NO1IyhUdsi3TqrB59gwCInpYGHqyV62BWNYS_5hy_w0zMo2e3AZ8QnM9gJSjWiotxqYnsKvlaZE-ZTYnNas5-as3zMdEjtvXbQRyHrQ-Eccqoi2cTmHxmqqL9UjDv__A/s1600/romney+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcw9fZhkRykc6NO1IyhUdsi3TqrB59gwCInpYGHqyV62BWNYS_5hy_w0zMo2e3AZ8QnM9gJSjWiotxqYnsKvlaZE-ZTYnNas5-as3zMdEjtvXbQRyHrQ-Eccqoi2cTmHxmqqL9UjDv__A/s320/romney+pic.jpg" width="140" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I wish my clairvoyant skills could foretell a more promising future. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe, just maybe, there is still hope. Maybe Independent voters will figure out that returning our country to Bush-era policies will re-torpedo an economy that is actually showing signs of life. Maybe they will realize that the Mormon faith is a step away from Scientology and a vote for Mitt is akin to putting a Thetan in the White House. Maybe. Let us hope people. Let us always hope.</span></div><!--EndFragment-->Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-19075414945367889432011-12-26T08:33:00.000-08:002011-12-26T08:33:21.603-08:002012 – A Fear of Things to Come<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As I sit here, blogging for the first time in weeks, I find myself admitting why I have been neglecting my literary proclivities. The year is drawing to a close and I am irrefutably petrified of what 2012 will bring. Be it political, pop-cultural or miscellaneous, I am scared shitless. And justifiably so. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Will Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney be our next president? Either possibility is equally terrifying. Or maybe Sarah Palin will jump in late in the race, put lipstick on this pig of a Republican field and pull off the political upset of the century. Would that be better or worse than four years of Mormon jokes? Hard to say. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">If Obama wins, what will his second term look like? Will he become the messiah we all thought he would be or at the very least grow a stronger backbone when dealing with Republican recalcitrance? Will his Health Care bill stand up in the Supreme Court? Or will the ruling passed down by a Roberts-led court serve as another spanking to an American populace that re-elected George W. Bush? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Will the Democrats re-take the House or will things stay more or less the same with obstructionism and gridlock running rampant on Capital Hill? Can a recession-riddled middle class survive the latter? And can I fucking stomach it? Will John Boehner be stricken with a fatal case of bird, swine or goat flu? If not, does that serve as sufficient evidence that there is no God? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjasdcQ1SMavKtbOIITfj0TtjUAQByhURcSBy2tIf2zJhQqYZPS7GAXOa9K3s6LENI_UCurY4ZoQkYtUP2v6nat047zeGAM1MaWbNm7AUfpzI5Zb4vexO6ldT6oTrL8hOqjzZzYWSmq44w/s1600/hadron.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjasdcQ1SMavKtbOIITfj0TtjUAQByhURcSBy2tIf2zJhQqYZPS7GAXOa9K3s6LENI_UCurY4ZoQkYtUP2v6nat047zeGAM1MaWbNm7AUfpzI5Zb4vexO6ldT6oTrL8hOqjzZzYWSmq44w/s320/hadron.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Are you there God? It's me Michael.</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And speaking of God, will the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva finally succeed in locating evidence of the elusive God Particle, a.k.a. the Higgs Boson? And if it does, will that prove that God is not a man who lives in the sky and controls all our fates but is in fact merely a subatomic particle with a mass of roughly 121 billion electron volts that can only be measured, let alone worshipped, within the confines of a six billion dollar particle accelerator? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">A scientific discovery of this magnitude would send shockwaves through the Vatican that would reverberate in the Bible Belt but would they be substantial enough to divert Newt Gingrinch from his crusade to unify, NOT SEPARATE, church and state? You know how immune to science and facts those damn God-mongers can be…especially when they are pandering to the Tea Party voting block.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Will the Knicks somehow put together a complete roster to go along with their formidable frontcourt and can they accomplish the unthinkable by actually bringing an NBA championship to New York in my lifetime? If so, I might consider <u>that</u> to be evidence of a higher power, regardless of what the physicists in Geneva discover. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And why is God on my mind so much to begin with? Is it because Rick, Mitt and Newt are duking it out to see who can appear the godliest to cater to a right-wing base that would never vote for that Muslim black guy in the Oval Office anyway? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Or is it because in this economy, many on both sides of the aisle are saying that it would take a miracle for Obama to be re-elected. And even though I don’t believe in miracles, in this case I really want to.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And there are so many other unknowns that lie ahead. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Will America get its fiscal house in order? Doubtful. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Will Europe? Possibly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8AmldxnHJhufQKwCox85GlOSaFs48nqBT9Mm2gt0jCpd2NBR-V14u5TvxiiMSKjmHIx5uCC4h7A8kls81t_pQgZLRlFkKNW4tmMQt9tg-GyMziF6b3KsNNy2DlHfXwX5Eu6VFkBHVGd0/s1600/lopez.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8AmldxnHJhufQKwCox85GlOSaFs48nqBT9Mm2gt0jCpd2NBR-V14u5TvxiiMSKjmHIx5uCC4h7A8kls81t_pQgZLRlFkKNW4tmMQt9tg-GyMziF6b3KsNNy2DlHfXwX5Eu6VFkBHVGd0/s1600/lopez.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Will I recover from the end of the Oprah Winfrey Show? No.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Will I recover from the cancellation of <i>Lopez Tonight</i>? Probably. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Will America complete its withdrawal from Iraq? Or will conditions destabilize and force the Joint Chiefs to rethink their strategy? Will Pakistan finally end this dysfunctional love triangle with Washington and the Taliban and choose once and for all who they want to commit to? Probably not. So does that mean that bombs will fall and predator drones will soar? I don’t know. But like I said, I’m quite scared.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">In 2012, what is more likely…that Egypt will build a healthy democracy? Or that Simon Cowell will get assassinated by an <i>X-Factor</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> reject? My money is on a Cowell obituary. And while we’re on the topic of newspapers, which would get more headlines? A Kardashian wedding or a Kashmir genocide? It makes me furious that I am actually asking these questions and more so, anxious that I can’t answer them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Iran appears to be buckling under the latest batch of sanctions. Will that deter their nuclear shenanigans or just piss Ahmadinejad off enough to do something terrible? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4E8srWPsTWzyN-ZR81SEQv0zms5HnDROIjYw4l4or9WLlzaaOLON2u8o3QtBvnb21j_KkEu8ZvXnMj1QFkYgy3ZyHnnD1KbMq_vkr2Dj_F4LsfR9lCoXQuLkhOq-T1OUy1ot-L5hbCbw/s1600/ahman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4E8srWPsTWzyN-ZR81SEQv0zms5HnDROIjYw4l4or9WLlzaaOLON2u8o3QtBvnb21j_KkEu8ZvXnMj1QFkYgy3ZyHnnD1KbMq_vkr2Dj_F4LsfR9lCoXQuLkhOq-T1OUy1ot-L5hbCbw/s200/ahman.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I don’t know and part of me doesn’t care because he’s just so goddamn adorable! I know he’s a fascist who denied that the Holocaust ever happened but look at him! Don’t you just wanna cuddle up with him on a rainy afternoon and watch Lifetime Channel movies? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Will Tim Tebow finally admit that he and Jesus Christ are one and the same?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Will Casey Anthony admit that she and the Antichrist are one and the same? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">What will happen in 2012? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Will these questions ever cease?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I guess we’ll find out soon enough. But whatever happens, always remember to ask questions. Happy Holidays y’all. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-9828547841973496022011-11-10T20:22:00.000-08:002011-11-10T20:22:34.592-08:00One Year From Election Night…And it’s Anybody’s Ballgame!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:DocumentProperties> <o:Template>Normal</o:Template> <o:Revision>0</o:Revision> <o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime> <o:Pages>1</o:Pages> <o:Words>1074</o:Words> <o:Characters>6127</o:Characters> <o:Lines>51</o:Lines> <o:Paragraphs>12</o:Paragraphs> <o:CharactersWithSpaces>7524</o:CharactersWithSpaces> <o:Version>11.1539</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:DoNotShowRevisions/> <w:DoNotPrintRevisions/> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:UseMarginsForDrawingGridOrigin/> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So here we are, roughly a year from the elections of 2012. The Republican Primaries have not even begun and The New York Times Magazine is already handicapping the elections based on the hodgepodge of misfits the GOP has put forth thus far. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Media pundits from both sides of the aisle are already slinging hyperbolic last rights for our president. So...is he a lame duck? A dead duck? The Chosen One Begotten? Or the latest incarnation of The Come Back Kid?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So much to discuss. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Let’s start with this shape-shifting GOP field that gets blurrier the more it comes into focus and the current frontrunner just might be, hold the laughter please, Herman ‘9-9-9, ummm, make that 9-0-9, or was it 9 pies for $9.99 or 9 women for $99,999’ Cain. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG9UQgvEdbcCp1rebDzwt57bZT9mJrus35Kt92XGKAML5N5Eqje4LI8ns7QksRC7TFIAg3Pp8xy13s3nP-X1NzCFYzRYtuMmlkaZ9ASlvMZJpbG1XS3xFUhJTZLHF3vvROeZHFOY12XX0/s1600/cain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG9UQgvEdbcCp1rebDzwt57bZT9mJrus35Kt92XGKAML5N5Eqje4LI8ns7QksRC7TFIAg3Pp8xy13s3nP-X1NzCFYzRYtuMmlkaZ9ASlvMZJpbG1XS3xFUhJTZLHF3vvROeZHFOY12XX0/s1600/cain.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier; font-size: small;"><b>Where the white bitches at?</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Oh Herman, my brutha from anotha mutha. You ornery little rascal with a trail of shredded sexual harassment suits in your wake. How can I even attempt to take you seriously? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">You’re right, I can’t. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">So I won’t. Moving on.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Will that highest of glass ceilings finally be smashed after Hillary put “eighteen million cracks” in it? If so, is Michelle Bachman the one to do it? You know, there are moments where I contemplate that…and whether such a victory would be a victory for women around the world and a victory for America. And maybe that victory is worth celebrating. But then I remember all that she stands for. And if that’s not enough…all I have to do is look at this. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6hGAsGdBQFO7HppsD4NX9rfeyRznXDDe3LbP4wSaWUUgqfK9g9qMlUo0OYozM6bEzSVaKZA_Amn5YGdl8sRzglFiCJFtpXldq_lN7OIZ_QnKEEpyd-u6WLDRnoHk8ds8wy79Hu3PL5mM/s1600/newsweek.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6hGAsGdBQFO7HppsD4NX9rfeyRznXDDe3LbP4wSaWUUgqfK9g9qMlUo0OYozM6bEzSVaKZA_Amn5YGdl8sRzglFiCJFtpXldq_lN7OIZ_QnKEEpyd-u6WLDRnoHk8ds8wy79Hu3PL5mM/s1600/newsweek.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><i>WARNING!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you stare at this picture for 66.6 seconds straight without blinking, you will either explode, turn to stone or be sent to an inter-dimensional netherworld where you will become the middle of a human centipede, book-ended by Miss Bachman in the front and Jesus Christ in the rear. You will spend eternity there. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Okay, we all know that the crazy-eyed baby-collector has no chance in hell so I’ll ask an important question. Is America ready for another moron from Texas? Was eight years of Texan idiocy enough? I look at Rick Perry and I have two thought; one – fuck, that guy is really handsome. And two – fuck, that guy is really stupid. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So does America want stupidity back in the White House? Does America want shit-brained swagger back in the Oval Office? I don’t think so. And judging by the worst of his consistently pitiful debate performances, that swagger is not likely to return. So I’ll ask another question because, like I say, it’s important to ask questions. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Is America ready for a Mormon President? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I didn’t believe America was ready for a black president before Obama changed history but this is different. At least I know what black people are. I see them every day and nothing about them confuses or scares me. Excluding the possibility of a Herman Cain presidency which, let’s be honest, isn’t much of a possibility at all. Just thinking about it makes me giggle.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But…Mormons. I don’t really know how I feel about them. I put them somewhere between born-again Christians and Scientologists and, like many, I have a few small problems with the whole ‘magic panty onesie’ thing they wear. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ64OT-y483dSIrgdONDHEKbl89Vdrb76pud1lhpeu_CzX9F2tyn1p9fOmPqMnHye5kZKm-kvGMPiuqiGNHbJ6-SUJrf6CD9Xt6kTIWdchusJmKxVAfRTJRJi3FFjd79DJQSF1YqwU6Z4/s1600/underwear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ64OT-y483dSIrgdONDHEKbl89Vdrb76pud1lhpeu_CzX9F2tyn1p9fOmPqMnHye5kZKm-kvGMPiuqiGNHbJ6-SUJrf6CD9Xt6kTIWdchusJmKxVAfRTJRJi3FFjd79DJQSF1YqwU6Z4/s1600/underwear.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Mormon Magic Panties - Sure to annihilate any<br />
semblance of evil, sexuality or political conviction.</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Call me simple but I just can’t look at Mitt and not wonder if he is wearing one of these fuckers under his very expensive suit. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Poor Mitt. No matter how consistently and flip-floppingly he goes about his business, the GOP is still resisting embracing him. And he is, by far, the most viable of the front-running candidates…which is somewhat remarkable considering the fact that he is a political cyborg with no convictions, opinions, heart, backbone or personality.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So which of these candidates poses the greatest threat to Obama? According to the article I referenced earlier, it’s actually John Huntsman. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/magazine/nate-silver-handicaps-2012-election.html?pagewanted=all"><span style="font-family: Courier;">http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/magazine/nate-silver-handicaps-2012-election.html?pagewanted=all</span></a><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But, if we are to predict the future based on the present political climate, Huntsman is far too sane and centrist to be taken seriously by this Tea Party-fueled GOP. Which is good news for the Democrats and bad news for Republicans. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The article was not very optimistic about Obama’s odds. But I cannot help but believe in his chances for a second term. The alternative is too unsettling. So what does Barry have to do to get himself another four years? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Well, for starters, he has to have a great fucking year. A great fucking year. And so does the American economy. Will it rebound or at least show modest signs of improvement? Obama better hope so. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Can Obama refine his message? If not, Bill Clinton is trying to do it for him. Just read his latest book and, if you buy the reviews, you will hear the message loud and clear that Obama has failed to project. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And what is his message exactly? That’s the problem. If he has one, he has not explained it to the American people. He has not adequately sold it…and henceforth Americans have not bought it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So I’m gonna help you out Mr. Obama…because I know you read my blog. And I know you value the highly informed advice of a bartender with a Communications degree. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But seriously, here’s what you’ve got to do in the next year. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The Republicans in Congress will never pass any jobs bill, as they have already illustrated. They will not give you or Democrats any legislative victory so you need to make America understand that the Republican would sooner see American workers whither if it helps their party rise. You need to remind us that not only are Republicans responsible for driving us into this economic shitstorm, they are also doing everything in their power to prevent us from steering out of it and they are doing it for political gain. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Your Foreign Policy victories are numerous and impressive. You responsibly intervened in Libya. You are bringing our troupes home from Iraq. And you killed the motherfucker that Bush couldn’t. Our economy sucks but our country is safer because of you. Make us feel the safety you have provided and make us appreciate it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Moving along.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Have you noticed all these little Occupy movements? Well, they may not be able to articulate what they want buy I can. They want policies that favor the working American, not corporations and rich people. This is a clear message and although your policy agenda has reflected this, you have not clearly drawn this comparison. So do it. Use their energy to feed the values you champion.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">You are trying to create jobs by having rich people and corporations foot the bill. This is a worthy cause that should be an easy sell to the public. But you’re not fucking selling it! So sell it!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The GOP candidates don’t want to raise one single tax ever again. They are extreme, they are unreasonable, they are crazy. Make people realize this. It is as clear as day that their<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>obstructionism, extremism and unprecedented rigidity is not what America needs right now. Make us see it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Remember that fire you had in you when you delivered your speech about the Jobs Bill that had no chance of passing Congress? You need that fire to burn for the next year. America thinks your soft Barry. So get hard. Get angry, get hard and get serious. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Because the Republican are not serious. But they can still whip your ass a year from now if you don’t raise your game. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Do you hear me Mr. President? Probably not. But I thought I’d say it anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><!--EndFragment-->Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-41680635476969757372011-10-05T18:07:00.000-07:002011-10-05T20:32:38.367-07:00Is ‘Occupy Wall Street’ a Political Movement or a Circus? The answer is…Yes.<div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">When penning the lead for this blog post, I was torn between two options:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Option 1 – For a good time, drop acid and run around Liberty Plaza naked, armed with a bongo drum and a dime bag, and see how many hugs you can collect.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Option 2 – An enthusiastic liberal response to the Tea Part has finally begun; born in lower Manhattan, its message is spreading across America like an air-born pandemic.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I really don’t know which lead to go with…and therein lies the problem. Having spent some time down in Liberty Plaza today, I am not sure whether to celebrate the ‘occupation’s’ many virtues or chastise its many flaws. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So I’ll attempt to do both. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Occupy Wall Street, a populist movement that has been gaining momentum since 2,000 protesters assembled there on September 27<sup>th</sup>, has a lot to say. But as the New York Times and other mainstream media outlets have, to an extent, accurately conveyed, it is not exactly sure how to say it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As I strolled through Liberty Street Park today, I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know if I should watch the interpretive dance show on my left or stare at the topless woman on my right. I tried to read a leaflet on how the bank bail-outs were allocated but I couldn’t concentrate because the topless woman kept shouting “I am the first amendment.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And as I attempted to hold a conversation with one of the protesters about whether or not the police had been harassing him, I found myself reflecting on why the topless protester did not have nicer breasts. This bothered me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Because there is something undeniably inspiring about this ‘occupation’ that contains, among countless other things, a fully stocked and staffed First Aid station, mountains of donated food and water and free legal advice for the 700 people that were arrested on the Brooklyn Bridge October 1<sup>st</sup>. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And as I walked around in a daze, I felt a populist energy I have not felt since I worked for Obama’s campaign back in 2008. It was a feeling I enjoyed. And one that I missed. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Now I am remiss to do this because I do not want to diminish the value in what is transpiring here, but I think a little ridicule is called for if it serves as an attempted wake-up call. Because some of what is happening is jeopardizing the integrity of most of what is happening down at Liberty Plaza. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigxtDD3giilWI4O-BjLUCmPdj6N8bkHZ5EWxTlwsH9hNIs-voeNQcKlafUipj4HQxTjyzIIIca5xJtPwPWiqNyfeNRmlaK9ia4CHi_HG9QC_RkeSxueWNmrLkknRjsvfSqNxxnJZzUGzI/s1600/IMAGE+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigxtDD3giilWI4O-BjLUCmPdj6N8bkHZ5EWxTlwsH9hNIs-voeNQcKlafUipj4HQxTjyzIIIca5xJtPwPWiqNyfeNRmlaK9ia4CHi_HG9QC_RkeSxueWNmrLkknRjsvfSqNxxnJZzUGzI/s320/IMAGE+1.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Exhibit A – This man’s sign says “Tax the Rich. Shitcan the Tea Party, America’s doucebags.” Now these are all valid points and truths I agree with. However, I cannot see the truth because it is blinded by the kaleidoscopic visual clusterfuck that is his outfit. I would have clobbered him in the head to knock some sense into him but, as you can see, he was wearing a helmet.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The Tea Party is fairly easy to de-legitimize because their racism, homophobia and other fairly transparent sources of hatred are not difficult to spot. But the Occupy Wall Street movement, if it is to accomplish anything, will never approach legitimacy if nimrods like this are representing it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Just looking at that guy makes me want to vote for whatever political party he does NOT represent. And if I were a Democratic politician, I would be terrified to even remotely endorse a movement that this man supported. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I love my city. It is unparalleled. George Carlin once said that New York was the best city in the world because when you walked down the street, you had to make a decision every ten seconds of whether you would stare at the most beautiful woman on the planet…or the craziest asshole on it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">In this case, the beautiful woman is the litany of valid socio-political agendas being championed by O.W.S. and the crazy asshole is…well…all the crazy assholes championing them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The central message here is that Washington’s elected officials should more pro-actively defend the economic interests of the average working American, not those of millionaires and corporations. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVlxmL-w1cjCQzwWdziDBwf4C18FKKZ77c_lYbEiLIUt0DQ2uhQigV_hPIcVw3CV5LPhdKTnMyuiNJEAVCbNEkwxrCQAx5lH1Q2AsZixylELgWBCc1LoFgwAiiZOnUya1wpLbt8QLWPBs/s1600/IMAGE+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVlxmL-w1cjCQzwWdziDBwf4C18FKKZ77c_lYbEiLIUt0DQ2uhQigV_hPIcVw3CV5LPhdKTnMyuiNJEAVCbNEkwxrCQAx5lH1Q2AsZixylELgWBCc1LoFgwAiiZOnUya1wpLbt8QLWPBs/s320/IMAGE+2.jpg" width="206" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I agree with this sentiment whole-heartedly. But if I was on the fence about it, I doubt this person would sway me. What the fuck is this creature? Seriously...this thing scares me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">There are so many secondary and tertiary agendas on parade in so many vibrant colors that the 50/50 balance of political activism and theater of the absurd that has manifested here threatens to cancel itself out; imploding in a blurry fog of pepper spray, tits, tie-dye and recycled leaflets.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">An essay in an ‘Occupied Wall Street Journal’ newsletter that is being distributed downtown, lauds the diversity of issues being forwarded. And although Americans sounding off about the policies they disapprove of is noble, it is also counterproductive. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">If ‘we the people’ oppose everything today, we will accomplish nothing tomorrow. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Is this the time to express our outrage with Republican opposition to the Buffet Rule that would raise taxes on the rich? Yes! Is this the time to attach provisions to that argument that address climate change, health care and nuclear waste? No. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">If we oppose everything, we will accomplish nothing. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And to all those people in Liberty Plaza, trust me, I’m with you. I’m unemployed, the government does not seem to be doing anything to get me back to work and I am furious about it. Every day, I walk the streets of Manhattan, handing out resumes as I wander in the shadows of towering skyscrapers; omnipresent reminders of how good corporate America has it and how grim my future looks. Sometimes I feel like, well, like the walking dead. Kinda like this guy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9YvHuQs24dQBpJYWA7PgDzT_dze_ZSSkLmECMyK-ECVAW0cDvsDfnA1aBVQw1ivFcU4cqRtwDCOe4SQla1YZo8kWLtrYZYni99NQVLtHFNfOy0omHqlbLbchSdjNUUTc_UXAShW7NhyY/s1600/IMAGE+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9YvHuQs24dQBpJYWA7PgDzT_dze_ZSSkLmECMyK-ECVAW0cDvsDfnA1aBVQw1ivFcU4cqRtwDCOe4SQla1YZo8kWLtrYZYni99NQVLtHFNfOy0omHqlbLbchSdjNUUTc_UXAShW7NhyY/s320/IMAGE+3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">This is one of the many zombies that has participated in O.W.S. He is angry about Washinton’s turning a blind eye on the plight of the average working zombie. But he is also lost and confused and ambivalent about what to do with all this outrage.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So I would like to volunteer myself to be the voice of the undead. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Here is what we want, here is what we need and here is what the people we elected into office have to give us. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">We need money to stimulate job creation and Obama’s Jobs Bill, though flawed in many ways, is still a step in the right direction and a lot better than the Republican ‘cut taxes and hope for some trickle down magic’ antidote to this plague of unemployment. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Where should that money come from? Well, since the Tea Party insists that it should come exclusively from spending cuts, the O.W.S. movement should insist that it come entirely from increasing tax revenue. And whenever someone objects, direct them to the video below from one of America’s most beloved fiscal messiahs.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/cgbJ-Fs1ikA" width="560"></iframe><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">But that is only the start. We also need to adjust (I said ADJUST, not ABOLISH!) financial regulations so that they </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><u>do not</u></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"> stifle small businesses but </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><u>do</u></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"> eliminate corporate tax loophole exploitation and prevent little things like mark-to-market shenanigans (Do you remember Enron? If not, you’re parents do), sub-prime mortgages, predatory lending and all the other cute little gimmicks that creative capitalists come up with to stuff their wallets while fist-fucking the average working American.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So what should they do to pursue these goals here on Wall Street? Well, for starters, take off the zombie make-up, put on a fucking shirt, get serious and get specific about what we want and what we can actually accomplish. If the message gets honed and targeted at something tangible like the Jobs Bill, perhaps that message will be heard by the mainstream media, not mocked and/or ignored. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">We need to harness all this crazy and transmute it into progressive fuel the same way the Tea Party has harnessed racism. Take all that hippy, all that zombie, all that lunacy and transform it into viable political activism and hopefully, political capital. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And we need to do it now because the movement is spreading. Today, Unions and college students marched in support of it. People with higher political profiles are coming out in favor of it and thanks to social media and the many organizations involved, it has spread to Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles and nearly fifty other cities. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">If it continues to spread, soon the whole world will be listening to what this movement has to say. So people need to get specific about what they want to say and they need to get serious on how they go about saying it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">For more info on Occupy Wall Street, visit </span><a href="http://occupywallst.org/"><span style="font-family: Courier;">http://occupywallst.org/</span></a><span style="font-family: Courier;"> or </span><a href="http://nycga.cc/"><span style="font-family: Courier;">http://nycga.cc/</span></a><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoGT_IZ09cwAG3iCsP-ivvSoxDqu4AIqymwDqEXpT5sLwa0cWU0RxpmMMAL0Y-m_EUfDBjqQmHNb1D6nBeLyTvAr1RrEUurHpRe2_KSPz6vd-2TWprtcks2VLGrFOkVnVu2UiNN8w4mzo/s1600/IMAGE+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoGT_IZ09cwAG3iCsP-ivvSoxDqu4AIqymwDqEXpT5sLwa0cWU0RxpmMMAL0Y-m_EUfDBjqQmHNb1D6nBeLyTvAr1RrEUurHpRe2_KSPz6vd-2TWprtcks2VLGrFOkVnVu2UiNN8w4mzo/s400/IMAGE+4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier;">Join the movement. But please, for the love of God, keep your shirt on!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-33020299315731900002011-09-11T04:20:00.000-07:002011-09-11T04:20:27.879-07:009/11 - From THEN to NOW<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">I have spent the last two weeks wondering how I was going to write a post with an angle or approach that I deemed worthy of commemorating the tenth anniversary of one of the darkest days in American history.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So here I am, listening to CNN regurgitate the murky details of a new terrorist threat we may or may not have to contend with…and I’ve still got nothing. So I think I will just write about that day and how it changed my experience of living in this large and once indestructible city. Admittedly, I am not sure if I am writing this post for you or for me. Maybe both.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Ten years ago I was a struggling writer and actor, much as I am today, and I was at a bar on the Upper West Side of Manhattan at 8:00 AM. No I was not on a round-the-clock bender, I was actually in ‘holding’ for an independent film I was shooting that day. So there I was with about twenty other actors and ten crew people, eating breakfast, chatting cordially. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As an actor, a general rule to follow is ‘the smaller the film, the more you will be sitting on your ass waiting for the production team to get their shit together and shoot.’ I was still sitting on my ass at roughly 8:53 when my cell phone rang. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I remember that piece of shit phone; I’d only had it for a month or two, a Sprint phone, probably the same size that a landline phone is today. My best friend is on the other line relaying that minutes earlier, a plane had flown into the World Trade Center. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Since we are in a bar, I turn on the television and surely enough, there it was. I was not watching some shitty Michael Bay atrocity that may or may not be in my DVD library, I was watching real life. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">We discuss what kind of a plane it was and how it could possibly fly into the tallest structure in New York. We don’t have any answers and suddenly a Production Assistant hands me an updated script. My lines have changed. Fuck. I have to learn them because, well, I’m a professional and I was getting paid $100 dollars for my thespianic expertise so national crisis or not, I would learn my lines. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I sit at the bar and try to ignore the unfathomable images on the TV but my eyes keep drifting upward. ‘Learn your lines asshole’, I tell myself. This piece of shit film might just be the break that launches your career. The film was about a world where white people were the minority and blacks were the majority…interesting concept. I was playing the leader of The White Panthers. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I am trying to memorize some poorly written racial epithets when I glance up at the TV and see a plane fly into the Twin Towers. There is an explosion and the image cuts out for a nano-second. In that nano-second, my brain tries to decipher whether or not the image was some sort of replay of the earlier incident superimposed over the present image and in the several seconds that followed my mind tries to reconcile how NBC News could commit such a technically complex blunder while reporting live. My mind goes everywhere, except to the reality that it has happened again. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdkyhCy-CBIIiY8JiEzDSIBkOM_256_yyWCPsooogH1iDYO7mA3LcAUFFNjdpAkwCcq-X0mFSyZI4kNI6h_aDUjvfA1arnutahvwqq5n3aMp3VdwsP_WiAY2dwLgA7SFI8pT9z125IL9E/s1600/TWINS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdkyhCy-CBIIiY8JiEzDSIBkOM_256_yyWCPsooogH1iDYO7mA3LcAUFFNjdpAkwCcq-X0mFSyZI4kNI6h_aDUjvfA1arnutahvwqq5n3aMp3VdwsP_WiAY2dwLgA7SFI8pT9z125IL9E/s1600/TWINS.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>What they were. </b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Finally, the brain-chatter is drowned out by the sounds emitted by the thirty people in the bar that had just witnessed United Airlines Flight 175 crashing into the South Tower. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">I call back my friend and the call goes through. This would be the last call I could make on that phone until I woke up the next morning. What the fuck? That is all I can say? Is their some sort of fluctuation in the electro-magnetic field that is fucking up the radars of every plane in the metropolitan area? Did the smoke from the first tower obscure the usual approach to LaGuardia Airport that southbound planes take?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">My mind races…employing preposterous scenarios to explain how two planes had flown into such immense buildings. My brain goes everywhere except to the inescapable truth. My mind simply will not go there. Or maybe it just doesn’t want to. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Maybe I don’t want to believe I live in a city where skyscrapers were not places of commerce but targets on a battlefield in a war I am incapable of understanding at the moment. Maybe I just liked the security I have always taken for granted and I am not quite ready to relinquish it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The girl next to me is crying but I don’t know what to tell her. Some guy at the other end of the bar is talking about his brother who works in one of the buildings. He says something about his cell phone not working but I can’t really make it out. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I pick up my script and look at it. I can’t make out any words but in a very strange way, I can see the page with a preternatural clarity…every pixel, every textured imperfection in the paper. But my eyes can’t focus on a single word, let alone memorize sentences and assign emotions to them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">They say we are still shooting my scenes today but the exteriors they are shooting before mine are taking longer because the constant cacophony of passing sirens is wreaking havoc on their ability to record sound. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I go outside for the first time since it happened and I realize what a beautiful day it is. I can’t say for sure but it might just be the prettiest, bluest fucking sky I have ever seen and the temperature is perfect. It is the perfect day for the perfect fucking nightmare. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I can hear the sirens except they don’t drift in and out of earshot like they normally do. They are constant, like the rain machine that puts me to sleep every night…except the people in the cars with the sirens are on their way to an unimaginable hell that has somehow descended on lower Manhattan. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I suddenly think about my mother. She knows I work in the city every day but probably doesn’t know that actors never go to the Financial District unless it is to score blow. She is undoubtedly petrified so I call her. At least, I try to. The call is not going through and my phone is telling me that the network is busy. I try my dad. Nothing. I finally realize that there are ten other people around me unsuccessfully trying to make phone calls. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Someone runs outside and says the Pentagon just got hit. Those were his exact words. I don’t know how to translate that at first but then through some frantic back and forth, I learn that once again a plane was used as a missile. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I pace back and forth on the sidewalk and I don’t care about the film anymore. I look around at these people and our eyes meet but we say nothing. We don’t have to. We are all scared and confused and addressing it would be redundant. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Here is where things get hazy for me. I am simply ill equipped to handle all this information and I lose my general bearings. Time, space, feelings, thoughts…they all kind of get lost together, blending into a fog. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Now, the notion of terrorism is well beyond indisputable but I still won’t go there. Terrorism was just some exotic concept that other countries had to deal with. It was nothing tangible and it certainly couldn’t happen here. Oklahoma City, the previous bombing at the WTC…those were just crazy people doing crazy things. Not international terrorists who had executed a complex attack that took months if not years of planning, doing so with military precision. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Someone finally tells me that the shoot is postponed because of the sirens and I am free to go. The sirens…they canceled the shoot, not the horror and death that was in progress ten miles downtown. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The only thing I can think of is finding a phone because my piece of shit with the retractable antenna is malfunctioning. So I start walking…<u>walking</u> because mass transit has been shut down. So have all the tunnels and bridges leading into Manhattan. Nobody can come in and nobody can leave. We are all trapped on this island and I live in Queens. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Every phone I pass has ten people waiting to use it. Every restaurant and bar I see is mobbed with people glued to the TV. Yet the city is oddly quiet. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I stop at a bar and stare at the TV, just gazing through the window at the horror. I am having some sort of thought; I can’t remember what it was…when suddenly the South Tower collapses. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The bar erupts in motion and sound but I can’t move. I just stare. I am somewhere around Lincoln Center right now, which is miles from Ground Zero, a term that does not even exist yet in the New Yorker vernacular. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Unable to offer a response, I walk away and continue ambling downtown, deciding that I will make my way to Queens, somehow. At some point in my trek, the North Tower also collapses. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I am on the West Side and the Queensboro Bridge is about two miles across town. As I cross midtown, I stop on Sixth Avenue and there is a clear view down to the bowels of Manhattan. All I see is the plume of smoke that satellites would later photograph from space. I am sweating from walking several miles so I take off my shirt and drop it in a garbage can. I don’t want it any more. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I eventually reach the bridge and it seems that the moment I get there, they open it to pedestrians so I start walking. There are throngs of people walking but no one talks. Minutes later, the bridge is opened only to cars leaving the city. They drive slowly, as if they were afraid that driving too fast might incite the anger of whoever it is that has been flying planes into American buildings. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I spot a U-Haul truck creeping along and see that it has bars on the back that could be grasped the same way sanitation workers hang on to the back of a garbage truck. I break into a jog and hop on the back of the truck, grabbing on the bar. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">We pick up speed, passing by the hordes of people inching their way into Queens. I look at them and they look back. Some guy pumps his fist at me in approval but I cannot muster a response through my fog. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Then I look out at what is happening on the other side of the East River.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And I see what looks like the aftermath of Mt. Saint Helen’s eruption of 1980 emanating from the island of Manhattan. Here I am, shirtless, holding on the back of a U-Haul truck passing thousands of pedestrians, watching New York City burn.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">There are no words, no thoughts, no feelings. Just smoke…and the lingering probability that things will never be the same. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I make it into Queens and walk back to my apartment. It is empty and I have no idea where my roommate is. He works in Rockefeller Center so chances are he’s fine.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I grab my phone and I have twelve voicemails. As I listen to them, the gravity of the day registers and finally, for the first time…emotions. As I listen to messages from my mother, my girlfriend, my college girlfriend, my friends, my acquaintances, my co-workers…I find that I am sobbing. This is at a time in my life where I had not quite learned how to feel so the outpouring of emotion is unprecedented and frightening. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As I sob, I call my parents. Then my girlfriend. And then my ex-girlfriend. And then my shrink. And my friends. I call everyone just to connect, just so I know they are still there, a part of my world that did not go up in the enormous cloud of smoke blanketing lower Manhattan. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">An hour later, my roommate comes home to find me watching the looping of footage that is recycling on every channel. We speak briefly but I feel like I have nothing to say to him. I don’t know how to communicate with him in this horrible new world. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I watch news coverage for six hours and then I pass out on the couch, with my roommate watching TV beside me. I wake up at four in the morning. I walk into my bedroom and cry myself back to sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_A_4wepVsTFwkB5hhD-JRX2nyr0e9odDyInbuByf1CPzd4_yGIYyDJLLtvaFKPNf7vg6um2f-G_bwIE-mQbjWWnIZtFq-gDAtlLewFtCIQdhNSC4jG4ce04XXB6s_Jou58OyHOcphids/s1600/Lights.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_A_4wepVsTFwkB5hhD-JRX2nyr0e9odDyInbuByf1CPzd4_yGIYyDJLLtvaFKPNf7vg6um2f-G_bwIE-mQbjWWnIZtFq-gDAtlLewFtCIQdhNSC4jG4ce04XXB6s_Jou58OyHOcphids/s1600/Lights.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>What they are. </b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">The next day, I have a life to get back to, which is good because it leaves me with no time to languish in the aftermath. I have an audition and an appointment with my shrink that I really, really fucking need to go to.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I catch my subway, which arrives in seconds. The train is not atypically at about a quarter capacity, some people are dressed for work, others not. But the mood is solemn; a post-funeral cloud hovering over the subway car denser than the one hanging over Ground Zero. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I look at the other passengers and they look back. We actually take each other in, which never happens on the subway…or anywhere in the five boroughs. Some grin. Others nod. Whatever the response, there is an unspoken understanding that we were all going through this together; which is inexplicably comforting. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">My shrink is on Sixth Avenue, which had the same view down to the Financial District and the Avenue is closed to cars. People stand briefly in the street, staring at the cloud of smoke, before continuing on with their lives. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Offices and restaurants are open for business as are casting offices like the one that held my commercial audition. The city is alive but dead; functioning but altered. The towering skyscrapers are different now; vulnerable, mortal. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">There are men in full military fatigues with machine guns in subway stations, at the Port Authority, at Penn Station, on the streets. This may be a common site in some countries but not on the sidewalks of Manhattan. Soldiers ask to check my bag and I decide to let them. They are holding machine guns so it does not seem like the time or place for a debate on civil liberties.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The next day I see that people are wearing American flags of varying sizes on their person. I buy one and wrap it around my belt. I’m not sure why, I have never been patriotic. Something made me do it though and I would not take off that flag for a month, maybe two, I can’t remember. Crime rates were surprisingly low in the weeks that followed and box office revenues were incredibly high. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As people toiled in the rubble, looking for thousands of survivors, only to find several, the city and country struggled to redefine themselves. Osama bin Laden started popping up on T-Shirts that said “Wanted: Dead or Alive.” People, myself included, started shuddering every time they heard an airplane flying overhead.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Rudy Giuliani became an international hero and George W. Bush proved himself an adept cheerleader in ushering the country through unprecedented times. But as the weeks and months passed, the sense of common loss that united the city gradually dissipated. Eventually, the atrocities at Ground Zero devolved from something you could not escape to something you only thought about every few hours…to several times a day…to once in a while. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Beautiful phantom lights were installed at the sight that shone like the Twin Towers’ ghosts into the stratosphere. City planners wrestled with Port Authority diplomats over what building and memorials should be erected at the site while dump trucks hauled the remains of the building and the thousands of victims that perished to various landfills in the tri-state area. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">It has been ten years and I don’t think it is necessary to ruminate on how many ways the world has changed. Augmentations to Airport security, increased Islamophobia, underwear bombs, the War on Terror, the death of bin Laden, there is too much to reflect on and this post is too long as it is. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">New York City changed because of that day. Everything is different now. I am different. We all are. Knowing that is enough. Mourning that fact will not bring back the 2,977 victims that died that day but it is important to remember. As I look up at the flag I wore ten years ago that adorns my work desk, I remember. That is all I can really do to honor them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ7P22tytIfg1R11BPpGUlKVincjyWiU9vYBUHTCkCXVnsjZkwfpvOQ_LVAsuIYePIhrClDugPp23Tfc-xqSDZmVEENvoD38Jq6NQQmnqgCpNRn10497KETnFcarkXUPDXMiUP3GXxmdw/s1600/Freedom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ7P22tytIfg1R11BPpGUlKVincjyWiU9vYBUHTCkCXVnsjZkwfpvOQ_LVAsuIYePIhrClDugPp23Tfc-xqSDZmVEENvoD38Jq6NQQmnqgCpNRn10497KETnFcarkXUPDXMiUP3GXxmdw/s320/Freedom.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>What it will be. </b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-33242360544434996222011-08-28T12:33:00.000-07:002011-08-28T12:33:48.281-07:00How I Made Irene My Bitch - A Hurricane Survival Story<br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">You cannot fear Mother Nature. You simply must make a choice. Will you or won’t you be a victim? It was around mid-day Friday that I made that choice for myself. Here is the epic, inspiring tale of how it all went down. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Friday 2:24 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I go to the grocery store. Not because I believe that civilization will soon devolve into some sort of post-apocalyptic <i>Mad Max</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> wasteland. I go simply because I am out of food and homo sapiens require food to survive.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I buy my usual groceries and then I stop to think. A hurricane is bearing down on us and the city will be shutting down. Should I be planning for the worst? Maybe. So I buy one candle and two six packs of beer. I buy some cookies too because, you know, I like cookies. Fuck Irene. I will conquer her. And I will conquer her with beer and cookies. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Friday 3:36 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I learn that all mass transit will stop running at noon on Saturday even though the bulk of the storm’s wrath will not arrive until around midnight. This angers me considerably because not only will I be missing the Mets game on Sunday, I also have tickets to the Giants/Jets game on Saturday…a game in a stadium I will now be unable to reach.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Friday 3:52 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I decide that twelve beers might not be enough for a one-man hurricane party, especially if I am locked in my apartment for several days. I also might be in the mood for a more sophisticated party so I go out and buy a bottle of Sancerre. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Friday 8:41 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I speak to a friend on the phone about how the excessive hurricane preparations are probably just Mayor Bloomberg overcompensating for the last blizzard that sodomized the city of New York on his watch. After such a politically damaging fiasco, here he was, flexing his muscles with mandatory evacuations and an unprecedented full-scale shutdown of all forms of public transportation. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Friday 9:02 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I learn that the Giants game is rescheduled for Monday evening. I smile and hop on Facebook, advising several people to get their canoe out of storage, put on their water-wings, find their snorkel or whatever other fairly obvious jokes I can muster. People typically respond with an ‘LOL’ followed by a clever retort of their own. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Saturday 9:42 AM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I put my air conditioner inside my apartment; more because of the annoying sound torrential rains makes on it than as a safety precaution. I eat breakfast and then sit down with a cup of coffee to start revising my latest screenplay. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Saturday 12:17 PM – 3:36PM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As I write, I bounce around the networks; NY1, CNN, FOX, and watch as the coverage becomes increasingly sensationalist. Reporters can no longer just report on the storm. They have to stand in the rain in the middle of a deserted highway while lamenting on how much rain the deserted neighborhood is getting. They have to wade waste-deep in the ocean to report on how much the ocean will rise when the storm hits. And every network has cutting-edge graphics; their own “Storm Watch” or “Eye on Irene” logo accompanied by ominous theme music. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEituEIKo6-gIZB4VEn0UXXeWiqjjudzBowtfm3XRJARiZd6fXbFExFbDjzomHndLt1G_dHUzVwyLdX5_wpHwkj4De08cS_Ry5Gug0WtTDBuii5HiDw58Cltf0ixicSNRZ1sejfYxusqsM0/s1600/hurricane.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEituEIKo6-gIZB4VEn0UXXeWiqjjudzBowtfm3XRJARiZd6fXbFExFbDjzomHndLt1G_dHUzVwyLdX5_wpHwkj4De08cS_Ry5Gug0WtTDBuii5HiDw58Cltf0ixicSNRZ1sejfYxusqsM0/s1600/hurricane.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Some people are refusing to evacuate and after several hours, I realize that all these subversive characters have two thing in common. They are all from Queens and they are all douchebags. They say things like “I built this castle so I gotta make sure it doesn’t float away” or “My house is a fortress, trust me.” Then I wonder if anyone would actually miss these knuckleheads were they to be swept away by a tsunami-esque storm surge. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Bloomberg comes on the air again, encouraging people to evacuate because, yes, the storm is going to be devastating and if we don’t follow directions, we will all surely die. Probably. Maybe. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Saturday 7:01 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I hear rain falling for the first time. I look outside and the tree in the courtyard is swaying with some zeal but nothing to get too worried about. I have a beer. Then I debate whether I should get drunk or get some work done. I decide to do both. But I won’t get too drunk because when my entire borough goes under water, I will need my wits. And I hear elevated BAC levels are found in most drownings…especially those that occur on the sidewalks of Queens.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Saturday 8:10 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Obama orders a State of Emergency for the Jersey Shore. I briefly consider how happy I would be if the entire cast of the Jersey Shore drowned and what an uplifting and climactic series finale that would make. Then I hear that a Tornado Warning was just issued. Yippeeee! <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Saturday 9:37 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I open my bottle of Sancerre and it is yummy. Sancerre never lets me down. Like tacos and masturbating, I always know it will leave me at least moderately satisfied. The rain and wind pick up but I remain, steadfast. Can you hear me Irene? Can you sense how unafraid of you I am? I continue blogging because…well, I am trapped here without many other options. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Saturday 10:26 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Bloomberg makes another televised appearance. He tells me to stay in my apartment and move away from my window but when he starts giving instructions in his abysmal Spanish, I nod out. I come to when he recounts a cautionary tale about two nimrods that were kayaking in the East River. I briefly ponder natural selection and those that might not deserve the gift of life and then I pour myself another glass of wine. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihh1OdGS_N3e1lT8PqL3G3ToZCb0SAQxdGEen8c1ADY0FKc-vy_O4VE9YOoLW7BDaN3CUyPZlPRfiCxZadtTGBexZ04OBn3CUC_6-nG8KygqsGDOEbO4plh4HcHWeWps9XipynX_WQdLY/s1600/Centipede+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihh1OdGS_N3e1lT8PqL3G3ToZCb0SAQxdGEen8c1ADY0FKc-vy_O4VE9YOoLW7BDaN3CUyPZlPRfiCxZadtTGBexZ04OBn3CUC_6-nG8KygqsGDOEbO4plh4HcHWeWps9XipynX_WQdLY/s320/Centipede+.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I decide to watch a movie and settle on some highbrow art house cinema, a film called <i>The Human Centipede.</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><i><br />
</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">To view the trailer, visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0piFZXT8Zxo</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Sunday 12:16 AM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Cabin fever, booze and the trauma of having just seen a really weird fucking movie prove too much for me. So I grab my camera, put on my bathing suit and go outside. I will meet Irene head on, with love and courage in my heart. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Sunday 2:21 AM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Two hours later, I am home. But…a breakthrough. As I wandered down a desolate Queens Blvd., I saw that my trusted bodega was open and I immediately glimpsed my destiny. After snapping a few shots with my camera, I bought a six-pack of Heineken cans (much safer than the bottles in my fridge) and set my sites on wining and dining Irene. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I opened a beer, shed my slicker, stored it and the rest of my beers on the steps of a nearby Temple and head out to begin wooing this tropical temptress. Vulnerability and intimacy would be key so I lied down in the eastbound express lane of Queens Blvd., where a fierce river was flowing. I slugged from my beer, inviting her to join me. She gusted at first; resisting my charms as her raindrops battered my topless torseau. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuSTCRMTWw0_bTlJ8OdKi86XZC6rPnbXzAuiEDyUMKk7EQJhMWOG0e_4PwvZrmzyvhtyWmubDXq_2CeilHX7bXhJEi8G4W2ss_U9zwsiF1L25RHNoM0kPoWLi42VV1qx-5hcg_ZtnYdPU/s1600/BLVD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuSTCRMTWw0_bTlJ8OdKi86XZC6rPnbXzAuiEDyUMKk7EQJhMWOG0e_4PwvZrmzyvhtyWmubDXq_2CeilHX7bXhJEi8G4W2ss_U9zwsiF1L25RHNoM0kPoWLi42VV1qx-5hcg_ZtnYdPU/s320/BLVD.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">So I dialed it up a notch. I splashed around and, dare I say, I frolicked; seducing her with every childlike gesture. Before I knew it, the raindrops that moments before were stinging my face, were now caressing it, peppering my lips and cheeks with velveteen kisses. The wind had shifted from violent to purposeful.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">She was spreading her legs for me, inviting me to enter her. Is it a coincidence that moments after I got home, they officially downgraded her from a Hurricane to a Tropical Storm? Hardly. I had broken her. By loving her. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Sunday 3:14 AM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Having subdued her, I kiss her goodnight and drift into REM sleep. Good night New York. Take care of my girl Irene for me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6TK0wfieFPg1pNGD8QdEnb6yvRgtIPdmD68nWo6fC3oSLbPo9jvoY2WuQb4YIqGOMWojLDuPovWWpoXzqazAGioX3saEXRx6OE5KJHf_oycR8DiXgiaC1ODh12zVX4UjUXTj_EmRmzv4/s1600/NY.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6TK0wfieFPg1pNGD8QdEnb6yvRgtIPdmD68nWo6fC3oSLbPo9jvoY2WuQb4YIqGOMWojLDuPovWWpoXzqazAGioX3saEXRx6OE5KJHf_oycR8DiXgiaC1ODh12zVX4UjUXTj_EmRmzv4/s320/NY.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Sunday 9:30 AM<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I wake up to hints of sunlight seeping through my window. The winds have subsided; only a breeze remains. Parts of Long Island, Staten Island, the Rockaways and Battery Park are flooded. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Property damage is sure to be high. Nobody knows when the transit will be operational again and roughly 72,000 New Yorkers are without power. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX2rbXvb0me97ftgnVNxv5gA02yMeNAQm8y_GxjSWtvEaPpokzhXgPIEYLIWJgSPKVF4ILIAsWcjdRg_WNLjWoe6bklHw1LJUkzxARKxjMZUfg8K06vLxQCQ_bkP48N7Za5HSHttBPavc/s1600/branch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX2rbXvb0me97ftgnVNxv5gA02yMeNAQm8y_GxjSWtvEaPpokzhXgPIEYLIWJgSPKVF4ILIAsWcjdRg_WNLjWoe6bklHw1LJUkzxARKxjMZUfg8K06vLxQCQ_bkP48N7Za5HSHttBPavc/s200/branch.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Although I still have electricity, the damage in my neighborhood is cataclysmic. The tree that lost this twig may recover, it may not. Only time will tell. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But every network is saying the same thing. It could have been a lot worse. Many will accredit this to meteorological factors but I think it’s clear what happened here. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Michael – 1 Irene – 0 <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">You’re welcome eastern seaboard. <o:p></o:p></span></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-66190937933156835722011-08-25T19:58:00.000-07:002011-08-25T19:58:04.860-07:00What if the Tea Party was Black? Would Washington Still Bow to Their Fury?<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I will never understand the rise of the Tea Party. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Ron Paul is, well, kind of a douche, Sarah Palin is a moron and Michelle Bachman is a fucking fruitcake that collects foster children the same way lonely seniors collect cats or knick-knacks. So why were so many people getting behind them? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHE_k5tOZIYt9cMijTNe5ZI3nXy1UJFG-K1g_HCWYkE20Pstu3Gpal-_8_D6tmnoQP3O7B_3RYCRozlHlWHpnaG0NdJdi_TptiTu987kkpwNIWJ0UKHBUjIQlkVDhbnesHMN5MeEEkNro/s1600/Obama+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHE_k5tOZIYt9cMijTNe5ZI3nXy1UJFG-K1g_HCWYkE20Pstu3Gpal-_8_D6tmnoQP3O7B_3RYCRozlHlWHpnaG0NdJdi_TptiTu987kkpwNIWJ0UKHBUjIQlkVDhbnesHMN5MeEEkNro/s200/Obama+pic.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Being opposed to tax increases is valid. Yet, when Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush raised taxes, it was not met with calls for violence or the fanatical anti-government outrage presently corroding our congressional process. But when a black guy has the audacity to even suggest raising taxes on rich people…whooooaaa boy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So what gives? Are people really just that pissed off that a young black dude beat out an old white geyser for the top job in the country? Are some Americans really that simple? Is Red State America that primitive? All these questions lead me to another question. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">What if the Tea Party movement was black?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Can you feel the terror quivering down your spine? You know you can. Public Enemy wasn’t kidding when they named one of their albums “Fear of a Black Planet.” The very notion scares the shit out of any white, homegrown Protestant. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But how would we feel about a black Tea Party?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">If the movement, which is overwhelmingly white, were instead comprised of predominantly black members, would it have the same political impact? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Let’s take this piecemeal shall we? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">What if after an unfavorable election outcome, Al Sharpton were to suggest to his many followers, that they “Don’t retreat…reload!” Would he be accused of encouraging violence? I think it’s safe to say he would. And if he were to angrily fan the flames of anti-government sentiment, would he be linked to the Black Panthers or even terrorists? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">You betcha! (wink, wink) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">But not Ron Paul. Or Sarah Palin who is just too darn folksy to be threatening. Or Michelle Bachman is too Christian and weird to be dangerous.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And what if a bunch of black guys were to show up at a political rally with GATs on full display? Would the NRA adamantly support this celebration of Second Amendment rights? Probably not. Those carrying guns would be arrested on site by the riot police and maybe subsequently asked if they had the permits required to carry firearms. Maybe. It is safe to say that not many white people would stick around though because the only thing scarier than a horde of angry black people is a horde of angry black people with guns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Last year, a University of Washington poll found that 74% of Tea Party supporters agreed with the following statement, “While equal opportunity for blacks and minorities to succeed is important, it’s not really the government’s job to guarantee it.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggT2nf4xhQSMuXjjyUsZgGpX9fCnbfrTQTOL7JYE5CSP5WOldopOq8G7tAKPBmptbmmRLTdU3DALpgTEqljw1xPUfgwBq6G1o0GhmaGDFXp2kt6NQzz08_UugDofpd7CDd6yP3j6ot4d8/s1600/obamas+oven.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="145" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggT2nf4xhQSMuXjjyUsZgGpX9fCnbfrTQTOL7JYE5CSP5WOldopOq8G7tAKPBmptbmmRLTdU3DALpgTEqljw1xPUfgwBq6G1o0GhmaGDFXp2kt6NQzz08_UugDofpd7CDd6yP3j6ot4d8/s200/obamas+oven.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">What if, in this alternate universe, 74% of black Tea Partiers thought this way about white people? Well, they wouldn’t really be able to do anything about it because white people already have a pretty firm grasp on most of the best jobs around. Except that ONE…and they are piping mad about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Because they want their country back…their white, Christian, heterosexual, tax-free country. And the Tea Party is comprised of predominantly old, white, rich men; roughly half of who identify themselves as born-again-Christians.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><i>Blogger’s side note – if you like scary movies, watch ‘Jesus Camp.’ These children are the next generation of the Tea Party and yes, you should be very afraid. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">What makes the Tea Party so dangerous is that they are advancing a radical agenda that is far to the right of the average Republican and they are already exacting influence over legislation. Their flagrant intolerance of tax increases torpedoed what would have been a groundbreaking deficit reduction plan that even House Speaker John Boehner supported. It would have more efficiently reduced the deficit while raising taxes on the wealthiest Americans and closing corporate loopholes while also cutting more spending than the deal that was eventually reached. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But their influence forced Boehner to recant…resulting in an inferior deal. If the Tea Party were black and they lashed out against government policies, Congress would probably, well, they would probably do what they do now…ignore them completely. Republicans in Congress are apathetic to silent minorities, let alone loud, angry ones. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2xLf9rNw_zrmsAaSEZ11FLBtQFlM7cpT4liFBOJr8LoYtS5IfvNfU590LEAcrdXz8NbNVIfF5Hn7TENV0P_25rGh8_Bc_ZyWy0hmLXv323KQgczba91Ms8g-g63dFBUqrcLxApYjOnxE/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2xLf9rNw_zrmsAaSEZ11FLBtQFlM7cpT4liFBOJr8LoYtS5IfvNfU590LEAcrdXz8NbNVIfF5Hn7TENV0P_25rGh8_Bc_ZyWy0hmLXv323KQgczba91Ms8g-g63dFBUqrcLxApYjOnxE/s200/images.jpeg" width="140" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So what would a black Tea Party look like? Let’s be honest. It would frighten the bejesus out of us. The scary black stigma that has been pumped into the media from the Black Panthers to the Bloods and the Crips already has us petrified of angry African-Americans, especially those residing in the inner city. So if they were toting guns at rallies, shouting extremist rhetoric and advocating the reversal of long-standing court decisions, Republicans would not exploit their enthusiasm, they would ignore it or probably use it as political amunition. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">If a prominent black political figure or group questioned the citizenship of a white president while calling him a Satanist (which is comparable to white people calling Obama Muslim)…we would probably perceive them as crazy, ignorant fucks who did not deserve a voice in the political arena. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">If this behavior were coming from the black population, Republican lawmakers would use it as justification to further eradicate any semblance of Affirmative Action from all existing laws, they would make an even harsher case to eliminate Medicaid and welfare, they would do everything in their power to suppress this vocal and occasionally violent voice. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And Democrats sure as fuck would not endorse it or ride its’ coattails to political profit. They would know better. They would discourage, not enable, racism, xenophobia and an extremism that puts political gain over the health of a nation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And that is exactly what the Tea Party has been doing. So why doesn’t the Republican Party chastise its most extreme elements? Because it needs them. Republicans have nothing to be excited about (Exhibit A – Mitt Romney) and everything to be angry about (Exhibit B – Obama). The only reason the GOP has a pulse these days is because Tea Party fury has given them one. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But it is a toxic pulse and the American public is starting to recognize that. A year ago only 18% of Americans had an unfavorable view of the Tea Party. A few weeks ago, that number climbed to 40% and is rising by the day. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And I hope that number continues to rise. Because extremism wrapped in an American flag should not be allowed to flourish. Prejudice masquerading as politics should be eliminated, not perpetuated. And if my pontificating rant does not persuade you, maybe a rap video will. So check out the link below! <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtH7vH4yRcY&feature=player_embedded">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtH7vH4yRcY&feature=player_embedded#</a>!<o:p></o:p></span></div><!--EndFragment--> Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-38803714645671985432011-08-11T22:45:00.000-07:002011-08-11T22:45:00.464-07:00Obama - A Laim Duck Messiah?<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">From both sides of the mainstream media aisle, the insinuations are flooding the airwaves and saturating the blogosphere. So could it be true? Is the messiah of the Democratic Party dead? Has he already lost his re-election campaign? The Op-Eds are already echoing affirmations of this possibility. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5HivVUe0R34_3O7gsyufS3y__EXyrj-jszuMnSPdRptn5eGGJiWJY_K8mvBH3NwbXkpBjBUGZvF3aWSNHy7Ge-N-rUyf4N4d0RYKWl0V2jAqfJxhvZ-qUFvoW_x_hnvDAA4APTy40jmo/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5HivVUe0R34_3O7gsyufS3y__EXyrj-jszuMnSPdRptn5eGGJiWJY_K8mvBH3NwbXkpBjBUGZvF3aWSNHy7Ge-N-rUyf4N4d0RYKWl0V2jAqfJxhvZ-qUFvoW_x_hnvDAA4APTy40jmo/s200/images.jpeg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Why the Tea Party Lord? Why?</b><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">How the fuck did we get here? And are we really here? Is this rhetoric half-assed hyperbole or should I really be worried? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Perhaps to answer this question, we first must retrace our steps over the last three years…maybe then we can figure out how we got here. And I will attempt to offer my assessment without the left-leaning bias that permeates my worldview. I will genuinely try to be objective and keep my acerbic commentary minimized and perhaps even muted. This should be an interesting experiment and one I will undoubtedly fail but here goes. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The year was 2008 and in a response to predatory lending and sub prime mortgage exploitation, the financial universe was on the brink of complete annihilation and in an attempt to avert this impending disaster, George W. Bush championed and congress then passed the $700 billion dollar Emergency Economic Stabilization Act, better known as the bank bailout. I find it noteworthy to mention that Jesus, umm I mean Obama, was over a month away from getting elected at the time. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">This spending measure sucked but it was necessary. Sure we could have let the banking industry sink into oblivion but Bush acted responsibly and spent the money he had to. Wait…did I just compliment W? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Bbllluurrgghhh. Sorry, I just vomited all over my keyboard. Excuse me for a moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Okay. All clean, pressing on. Four months after this spending measure and several weeks after his miffed inauguration speech, Obama took the next painful but necessary step when he passed the $787 billion dollar American Reinvestment and Recovery Act. This stimulus package was meant to do two things…prevent the implosion of our economy and then get it back to where it had been before W. and his two terms of destruction took a budget surplus and turned it into the largest deficit an American president would ever inherit. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Does ‘two terms of destruction’ qualify as acerbic commentary?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Anyway, here’s what we have so far. Bush, with brilliant economic brainstorms like cutting taxes for the rich during war time and doing everything in his power to deregulate the market, paving the way for Enron, Ponzi schemes, sub prime mortgages, etc., managed to bequeath to Obama the largest deficit ever. And then, with the economy on the brink of collapse, Obama had no choice but to pass the stimulus package. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfkVEkfXZC2f74Ifz8DmOGVRG0MZQBXZGWurYQ93BaT1AuR_h6YuC4fGnQWczr5Hjv4iAEHy0lRMGaR-VKH9MHdbuyk-8d6TBe1VYpcgu07jfHz3hfci3fn-WzCer15ANp25HBJhoeI3c/s1600/HOPE+PIC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfkVEkfXZC2f74Ifz8DmOGVRG0MZQBXZGWurYQ93BaT1AuR_h6YuC4fGnQWczr5Hjv4iAEHy0lRMGaR-VKH9MHdbuyk-8d6TBe1VYpcgu07jfHz3hfci3fn-WzCer15ANp25HBJhoeI3c/s1600/HOPE+PIC.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Dude, where's your hope?</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">The only problem was that, according to many economists, the stimulus package wasn’t big enough. Some economists speculated that any economic growth would level off or retreat once the money ran out. And they were right.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So what do you get when you take the first black guy to become president and saddle him with crippling debt in a dogshit economy that lacks the capital necessary to jumpstart itself? You get the Tea Party and a toxic Republican Congress hell-bent on cutting the deficit they handed Obama while refusing to increase tax revenue as part of the equation for doing so. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So amidst this climate, here is what Obama has accomplished, in case you missed it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">He passed a historic healthcare bill. It was a flawed bill but it was by far the most ambitious legislation to ever tackle the stratospheric costs of healthcare that has left tens of millions of Americans without coverage. But it did not contain a public option because such a bill would not pass the Senate so the liberals chided Obama for not sticking to his guns and getting every single element that their base wanted. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So he was not a pragmatist in this legislative triumph, he was a pussy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Soon after, he tiptoed into hostilities with Libya but took a back seat, allowing other nations to shoulder the burden of another conflict that was not our war to wage. This move was cautious and politically calculated though an appropriate position to take because, I don’t know, we were already involved in two other fucking wars at the time. So we kind of had a full plate already.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But just before the GOP could completely castrate his national security credentials, he went and did what W. never could, he killed Osama bin Laden. But this celebration was short lived because of a pesky little problem called joblessness that just wouldn’t go away. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And unfortunately, the Republicans’ only response to the unemployment crisis was regurgitating the same ineffectual talking points…cut spending and cut taxes. Hhhhmmm. Can someone explain to me exactly how that creates jobs? And if you say one word about ‘trickle down’ economics, I will dropkick you in your tits or balls, depending on your gender. There is more evidence supporting the existence of the Loch Ness Monster than there is for ‘trickle down’ economic growth. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But the GOP stood by their principles, enabled and abetted by a growing contingent of Tea Party zealots (so much for objectivity), holding Congress hostage at every opportunity. They held it hostage for the budget negotiations and in the last hour, reached a deal that cut $38.5 billion dollars from the budget and created ZERO jobs. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">They held it hostage once again in the Debt Ceiling Showdown of 2011 and once again, Obama compromised and conceded to a party that almost joyfully announced that they would rather allow a Government default than raise taxes on wealthy Americans and close corporate loopholes. The deal reduced long-term spending by $2 trillion dollars and thus far has created ZERO jobs. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And once again, the GOP cried victory and both parties pointed at Obama and screamed ‘Pussy’ as the Standard & Poor’s downgraded our economy to AA+, citing Congressional discord and lack of functionality as its reason for doing so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So as stock markets plummet, so do Americans’ faith in our government. The approval ratings for Congress are the lowest ever. EVER. Obama’s approval ratings have gone from its high of 69% to its present 42%, one point less than Regan’s at this stage of his presidency. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.gallup.com/poll/116479/barack-obama-presidential-job-approval.aspx"><span style="font-family: Courier;">http://www.gallup.com/poll/116479/barack-obama-presidential-job-approval.aspx</span></a><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So how do I feel about this president that I spent six months campaigning for? I am both disappointed and sympathetic. I like to fancy myself as a little more informed than the average voter about the nuances of the Beltway cage fight that Obama and the GOP are presently embroiled in. So I find it easier to justify the decisions he has made. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But I have to ask myself if I am just rationalizing… employing a reliable defense mechanism to conceal the fact that our messiah has not saved us…that this black Jesus may have a good jump shot and a great smile but he’s got a shitty golf game and provides worse leadership. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But how does one define leadership? Is it standing up to the opposing party even if the consequences are a government shutdown or default? Or is it making compromises that avoid worsening a financial crisis even if it diminishes his chances for a second term? Did John Boehner display leadership when he gave into Tea Party demands to strike any and all tax hikes from the debt ceiling deal? Or did Obama display leadership when he acquiesced in the wake of this reversal? You could make a case either way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But as the New York Times cited yesterday, Obama told Diane Sawyer about a year ago that he would rather be a good one-term president than a mediocre two-term president. Right now, it’s hard to say how future generations will remember him. But if he cannot find a way to create jobs, stifle the radical right and inspire this country as he did on the campaign trail, it is quite feasible that despite his accomplishments, his presidency may go down in history as being neither good nor mediocre. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuJM78aQwMx8oKt8nD_55yXe2b6dpJ2YLs7eRsL1J3wn0Puf2Bw6918wvtn1A8a1kjk_jc1p4xElKHi0ioiG32goi-kztL5jvnn7hk9nf0erkPPMA2H_PtWLvHuh_UOzXilXedcwIZwqY/s1600/SAD+PIC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuJM78aQwMx8oKt8nD_55yXe2b6dpJ2YLs7eRsL1J3wn0Puf2Bw6918wvtn1A8a1kjk_jc1p4xElKHi0ioiG32goi-kztL5jvnn7hk9nf0erkPPMA2H_PtWLvHuh_UOzXilXedcwIZwqY/s1600/SAD+PIC.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And that would be tragic…considering all the things that he has indeed accomplished.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><!--EndFragment--> Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-16271590277672577032011-07-31T14:13:00.000-07:002011-07-31T14:13:30.360-07:00SHOWDOWN ON CAPITAL HILL! - Another Staring Contest…Which Party Will Blink First?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">I gotta be honest with you…I love this shit! </span><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The theoretical headlines alone get me semi-erect! Debt ceiling disaster looming! Will default apocalypse be stymied at the zero hour?! Will the partisan Mexican standoff give way to historic bi-partisan deficit reduction deal?! Or will the financial universe implode into a black hole that swallows every dollar, renminbi and euro in the international marketplace? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I have no fucking idea what will happen!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier;">And right now it’s anybody’s ballgame!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Love it, hate it, laud it, mourn it…either way, this whole fucking mess has been political theatre at its best…irrefutable proof that our two-party system is both broken and functioning exactly as it should. I realize that statement is mildly paradoxical so I’ll elaborate.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: right;"></div><div style="text-align: right;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlWIC4MkjloEZCuFWdxHF_tgrJduq3aH5QjGViKnGhiifhN0edmQ1kvU2SFNpynbPB6y0HtC_Uv-Wuxgn7n76dyYTEaVavrIQUXI6_8ez3lqWYyQzgaWCid3YGfDi_4qZMnninWNbbGaE/s1600/donkey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlWIC4MkjloEZCuFWdxHF_tgrJduq3aH5QjGViKnGhiifhN0edmQ1kvU2SFNpynbPB6y0HtC_Uv-Wuxgn7n76dyYTEaVavrIQUXI6_8ez3lqWYyQzgaWCid3YGfDi_4qZMnninWNbbGaE/s200/donkey.jpg" width="193" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Yes, our parties don’t like each other and yes, they are diametrically opposed forces…so who can blame them for butting heads, biting and pulling hair when it comes to ironing out the wrinkles in comprehensive legislation, especially ones pertaining to fiscal policy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">And perhaps it is proof positive of an efficient democracy that the only laws that get passed are the ones that both parties loathe. If the two parties can swallow their ideologies, wipe their asses with their talking points and compromise, maybe that is evidence that the system works…eventually.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">However, is this what it takes to prove that? Months of political grandstanding, hurling hyperboles from across the isle, positioning each party in a manner that will cast any catastrophic blame solely at the feet of the opposition, refusing to give an inch until it becomes feasible that such rigidity might hurt them come November 2012? And then, after all the name-calling, after the DOW and NASDAQ have already been bum-rushed, battered and bruised, after the rest of the world joins in mocking our inability to get a goddamn thing done, only after all of that…can a deal actually be made. Well, that is where the problem lies. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">CNN has had a countdown clock to the Deficit Default ticking for several days now. ESPN does the same thing for the Superbowl. The promos are already flooding the networks:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">COUNTDOWN TO DEBT CEILING DEADLINE – TOMORROW, LIVE!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Like, I said…I love this shit! <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But many people do not share my appreciation for the theatrics. The stock market certainly does not. And with the world watching, it does not help our public image to have all this juvenile finger-pointing, especially with nimrods like Nancy Pelosi lambasting the Republicans for “Going to the dark side.” Really Nancy? I’d say that she’s better than that, but let’s be honest, she really isn’t. Her own party fucking hates her for Christ’s sake. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>"Use the Force Barrack!"</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And this is exactly the type of bullshit that draws out and unnecessarily muddies the waters of the political process. There is nothing wrong with the GOP sounding off against the Dems for their desire to increase tax revenue and likewise with the Dems’ insistence that revenue increases accompany spending cuts. These are legitimate ideological differences. But likening the opposing party to Darth Vader is just silly. Yes, it makes for a catchy sound bite but it does not, in any way, facilitate resolution to what is a serious situation with possibly catastrophic financial ramifications.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But must it come down to this every fucking time? I understand the game…each side is gonna fight for every inch of their agenda. That’s what we want them to do, that’s why we elect them. And neither side will blink until it absolutely must. But at some point, pragmatism has to prevail and does that point always have to be when the final seconds are ticking off the shotclock?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Apparently, yes. Because when Obama tacks too far to the center, the far left castrates him and independents castigate him. When Boehner drifts even remotely away from the extreme right, the Tea Party blowhards pistol-whip him into recanting and modifying his position so that it fits snuggly within the confines of their ultra-conservative agenda. And then he cries about it…quite literally. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So what does it say when our two parties’ highest officials cannot get anything done? Is that a reflection of their inadequacies as leaders or our system’s inefficiencies? Maybe both. Maybe neither. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But here we are, just as we were with the budget deal last April that at the very last possible moment, averted a government shutdown. Congress hustled into the wee hours and ironed out a deal that made everyone nauseous. But they swallowed hard and the country lived to limp into a marred but slightly less ambiguous future.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But with a situation like this, who do we blame and who do we celebrate if the deal is finally struck? Did the system work? Or did our elected officials simply call ‘Uncle’? Is this impending deal the best option or the only one that could possibly be extracted from this clusterfuck of partisan vitriol? Who’s the hero in this battle and who’s the villain? Who’s the champ and who’s the chump? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">If the deal that is rumored to be on the table is the one that goes through, the bleeding hearts will say Obama has sold out once again, acquiescing to the demands of a hostile House that is hell-bent on cutting both fat and flesh off our government and its entitlement programs. The Tea Partiers will hurl their bibles and patriotic rhetoric at Boehner for spearheading a deal that had the temerity to actually attempt to restore the tax code to what it was before George W. Bush buttfucked it into oblivion. If NO increase in tax revenue is included in the deal, I will personally be considerably peaved.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And then there are the centrists…the realists and pragmatists who somehow are able to find sunshine throughout all the noise. Maybe they will say that this deal is dogshit…but it’s also for the best. And maybe they will be right. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Because our fiscal future as it was yesterday, was not sustainable. Our treasured entitlement programs simply can not continue as they were. Our debt could not continue to escalate at its present rate, especially with a hobbled GDP crawling beside it in lockstep. It needed to be reined in and yes, we need to both increase tax revenue <u>and</u> cut spending to accomplish this. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So hopefully by tomorrow at some point before midnight, Congress will strike a deal. And we will all once again be grateful that our system works…even though it truly sucks. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
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</span>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-18613394640502979252011-07-06T21:49:00.000-07:002011-07-07T08:22:36.113-07:00Second Guessing the System: And Then Quadruple Guessing the Second Guessing<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck to think or feel about any of this nonsense. Guilt, innocence, credibility, reasonable doubt. Twenty-four hour media saturation that convicts someone before justice has a chance to…then second guessing the media for having done so…then quadruple guessing whether or not they have the right to do so…then octuple guessing which is more broken…justice or media. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Fuck me! <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund and French presidential hopeful, is an asshole that for years, has perpetuated a work environment where slapping the secretary’s ass is as common an office practice as borrowing someone’s stapler. But is he a rapist? Within twelve hours of his arrest two weeks ago, the entire media circus seemed to exclaim in one voice, “Yes he is! Castrate him and feed his prick to the Associated Press with a baguette and a bottle of Sancerre.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But now, because the accused hotel maid has a checkered past that includes unforgivable offenses like lying on her tax returns (GASP!), DSK has been released from house arrest. Furthermore, the District Attorney is second guessing whether or not the semen on her uniform and the fact that he checked out of his hotel ninety seconds after the alleged incident with toothpaste caked to his face, are in and of themselves, enough to try a case against this very powerful man. I mean, hey, you’d hate to foil a man’s presidential aspirations for something as tedious as an unsuccessful rape attempt and a non-consensual blowjob. Seriously man, she didn’t even finish cleaning his room. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicbCnv47IgpT0pOSPUng20BcrXwYG5g_pUtUGB8khyphenhyphenEKS6dqod4uEQDZ9pF09oA16lcW2oF3DBwXuTJOg3KLuZEe54krPTiXK71UJtxqOTFysqus_-kIk25FMS-WGvSuw963GZ2wWTAJw/s1600/DSK.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicbCnv47IgpT0pOSPUng20BcrXwYG5g_pUtUGB8khyphenhyphenEKS6dqod4uEQDZ9pF09oA16lcW2oF3DBwXuTJOg3KLuZEe54krPTiXK71UJtxqOTFysqus_-kIk25FMS-WGvSuw963GZ2wWTAJw/s320/DSK.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Vive la France!</b></td></tr>
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">And Casey, Casey, Casey. What are we to make of all this. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I have not heard one solitary person <u>outside</u> of the legal profession celebrate this verdict. And at the same time, bouncing between CNN, Fox and the networks, I have not heard one person <u>inside</u> the legal profession chastise it. No lawyers seem to be all that surprised by this verdict and none seem to be even remotely outraged by it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So are we all wrong? Sure, I hated Casey as much as the next person and I have seen “Twelve Angry Men” a thousand times so the term ‘reasonable doubt’ is nothing new to me. So what gives?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Has justice succeeded or common sense failed? And if it’s the latter, are the mind-bending intricacies that construct the former responsible? How could the pulse of an entire nation be this off course? I like to fancy myself something of an aficionado in the realm of deductive reasoning so let me give this a shot and see if I can’t get to the bottom of all this. We’ll start with DSK.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The housekeeper’s room card proved that she was in the room at the time of the alleged incident. This is indisputable. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The housekeeper is wearing someone’s semen on her fucking clothes so it’s most likely DSK’s unless someone else ejaculated on her in the hallway during her three second trip to the adjacent room. I have not inspected her uniform myself so I guess it could be mayonnaise or melted ice cream but I think it warrants further investigation. The semen just might have some of that DNA stuff I keep hearing about. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">DSK was seen at the checkout desk exactly two minutes after the housekeeper left his room. This too is indisputable; proven by surveillance cameras and the time the housekeeper’s room key was used. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Now when I get a blowjob, even if it’s a mediocre one from a woman I don’t particularly like, I try to relax and savor the moment because god knows when it’s going to happen again. I usually don’t get immediately dressed, brush my teeth and rush out so fast that I leave my cell phone behind and toothpaste on my face; especially if the woman has already left. But that’s just me. Maybe DSK gets blowjobs every day and he’s just that busy. Perhaps he was really hungry and anxious to get to the lunch meeting he allegedly attended after leaving said hotel. But again, common sense kids. What does all this say to you? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And what do we make of the media’s role in all this? We’ve got the NY Post calling the maid a hooker and the NY Times castigating DSK as the poster child for alpha-male-oriented abuse of power. Who are we to believe? How do we drown out the cacophony? The coverage never ends so how are we to form our own opinions based on the facts and how is the justice system expected to live in an impartial vacuum when every potential judge and juror is drowning in the bullshit? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4ok6s-PhAb_hiE4hOMbhyCEkpHUlhIv9Mu89Y2YjviYOWCJSWIThaMvZe99K5SZotlOCa9PutoTzk9JWJgctaed212RI7DiOFZPpdVccczrnvyxF4bF5WFib23evo1KHKZAgjOR_4H1M/s1600/casey+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4ok6s-PhAb_hiE4hOMbhyCEkpHUlhIv9Mu89Y2YjviYOWCJSWIThaMvZe99K5SZotlOCa9PutoTzk9JWJgctaed212RI7DiOFZPpdVccczrnvyxF4bF5WFib23evo1KHKZAgjOR_4H1M/s320/casey+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And now Casey. Let’s forget for a moment that we all think she is a lying bitch and hope she rots in hell. Let’s leave that alone. Emotions can hinder our ability to analyze facts so let’s at least try to just focus on some of the facts for now. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Yes, three months prior to her daughter’s disappearance, Casey (no, it was not her mother using the family computer…she’s a fucking crazy lying bitch too) Googled “chloroform” and other fun terms like “neck-breaking,” “chloroform inhalation,” “death” and “how to make chloroform.” And yes, they found chloroform in the trunk of her car. But since she didn’t order chloroform from teenmomwannakillspawn.com and save her receipt for tax purposes, the jury could not presume that she actually bought and used the chloroform.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Oooohhhhkaaaaayyyyy. Maybe.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;">The child was wrapped in plastic garbage bags and thrown in the woods where traces of duct tape were found. </span>Hhmmm. I’m no detective but that has ‘foul play’ written all over it…not accidental drowning. Accidental drownings are usually reported, especially when ex-detectives like Casey’s father are involved. Detectives, you see, are great at determining what is or is not an accident because they can, ummm, detect such things. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And since Casey eventually admitted that her make-believe nanny did not exist (truly a travesty because imaginary employees are much more utilitarian than imaginary friends), we can rule out kidnapping and probably say beyond a…wait for it…reasonable doubt…that Caylee did not run away either. Because when children arbitrarily run away, they usually don’t wind up duct taped in plastic bags dumped in the woods. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4bcjWlDn1IvcgJMDvM_kLbsOPOCuVXXRJARLpVSexjj3jaESvc9egZTZSumO-_h-OnKnaqcYn2EtU3iBJfxbI86Yy0fL1Epre1OTtZMSJYy_Zx2fACxvaBEsf6EOcixF9-IsmZrkmKq0/s1600/casey+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4bcjWlDn1IvcgJMDvM_kLbsOPOCuVXXRJARLpVSexjj3jaESvc9egZTZSumO-_h-OnKnaqcYn2EtU3iBJfxbI86Yy0fL1Epre1OTtZMSJYy_Zx2fACxvaBEsf6EOcixF9-IsmZrkmKq0/s1600/casey+2.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">I don’t have children. But if my little sister died, I would be heartbroken. I would be devastated. I probably wouldn’t get a tattoo that reminded me on a daily basis how “beautiful” life was two weeks after she disappeared without a trace. I’d probably be more in a state of ‘shit-my-pants hysterical panic’ and less in a bubbly, ‘let’s get inked and go out clubbing’ kind of mood. And I wouldn’t wait until she was gone for a month before reporting her missing.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">I’d probably try a little harder to find her. But again, that’s just me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Okay, so they didn’t find evidence in the trunk, other than the traces of chloroform and the testimony of several witnesses, including Casey’s own mother, who said “It smells like there’s been a dead body in the damn car.” So I guess it is feasible that Casey accidentally left an abnormally pungent, half-eaten KFC Value Meal in the trunk of her car for a month and then, after running out of Lysol, used chloroform to cleanse it of it’s odor. But again…common sense kids. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">No, there was no smoking gun, but apparently common sense isn’t enough these days. Nor is a kum stain for that matter. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">This all leads to natural questions both of our legal process and the manner in which these events are conveyed in the media. And regrettably, this questioning, though healthy, does not lead to definitive conclusions. Nor does it provide closure for all those people that were affected by Cailee’s passing and all those that want answers to simple questions like “what happened?” and “why did it happen?” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And unfortunately, the answers to those questions may never come. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Did DSK force himself on a poor Haitian maid that lacked the perfect resume required to even attempt to tackle a man of his power in a legal system this complex? Probably. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Did Casey Anthony kill her daughter, stuff her in a few garbage bags and dump her body in the woods just blocks from her and her family’s home? Probably. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But we will never know. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Something happened in that hotel room and something happened to Cailee Anthony. And whether the system or the media is to blame for our never finding out ‘why’ is irrelevant. We will never know 'why.' And that sucks enough. </span> </div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-40912576764837944532011-06-10T20:10:00.000-07:002011-06-10T20:10:25.310-07:00An Unjustified Weiner Roast?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Ooohhh Weiner, Weiner, Weiner. What has my Weiner done. My politicians let me down rather frequently but it is a rarity that they let me down in such a manner. Policy failures, flip-flopping, tacking too far to the center, abandoning campaign promises. I have developed a tolerance and almost an expectation for these disappointments. But Tweeting photos of your junk? This is new to me. But how much of an outrage is it and how angry should I be? How much of our animus is moral, and how much is political?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"> </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow appeared on Letterman Wednesday night to address these questions and naturally, they raised a few more. The most ubiquitous question floating around the blogosphere these days is whether or not New York Congressman Anthony Weiner should resign from the House of Representatives for Tweeting photos of him in his panties to what is now thought to be six or more of his “followers.”<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-rCA8U6hF0Ec0WAOULUXR50xr6zYpUPkMqSYl2wSHJsTre2yCOI0xfbRrJtyihyMw7LMSRGLgc0avhkpGX5g9nw8E7Jm6NVO7Cq-5FGz2ltcDHM_Q-J4cXr35SESycDIjC2BnmdgqgSW-/s1600/weiner+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="157" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-rCA8U6hF0Ec0WAOULUXR50xr6zYpUPkMqSYl2wSHJsTre2yCOI0xfbRrJtyihyMw7LMSRGLgc0avhkpGX5g9nw8E7Jm6NVO7Cq-5FGz2ltcDHM_Q-J4cXr35SESycDIjC2BnmdgqgSW-/s200/weiner+pic.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Is this a crime? No. Is this immoral? His wife would probably say ‘yes.’ Is this an act of reckless stupidity? If you are a nineteen-year-old virgin with seven Twitter followers, maybe not. But if you are a high-profile New York Congressman with aspirations of being Mayor or Governor of New York, yes. Absolutely and unequivocally, without discussion.<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But is stupidity grounds for resignation? The Republican Party is unified in shouting ‘yes’ from the top of its high horse. The party of God, guns, monogamy and morality wants Weiner to step down. And, much to my dismay, so do some Democrats as well. But predictably, most of the clamor is coming from the right.<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And during her Letterman appearance, Maddow pointed out that last year, when Republican Senator David Vitter admitted to cheating on his wife with prostitutes, no one in the GOP called for his resignation. No one.<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 16pt;">hy·poc·ri·sy</span><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Courier;"><b><i>noun</i></b></span><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 14pt;"> \hi-</span><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 13pt;">ˈ</span><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 14pt;">pä-krə-sē </span><span style="font-family: Courier;"><b><i>also</i></b></span><span style="font-family: Courier; font-size: 14pt;"> hī-\<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><b>1:</b></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not; <i>especially</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">2<b>:</b></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I’m sorry but I find it to be quite curious that in the eyes of Republican leadership and punditry, cheating on your wife <u>and</u> breaking the law by fucking hookers is not as big of a sin as cyber-flirting with strangers on the other side of the country. Yes, I am a Democrat. And yes, I have, for some time now, been stricken with Weiner-fever. But no, I do not think I am rationalizing the actions of a politician I have long-admired.<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Weiner acted like, well, a wiener. That is not up for debate. What he did was inappropriate and his lying about it only exacerbated things. But is it unforgivable? How his wife answers that question is considerably different from how his constituents should answer it. His wife may have a reason to abandon him but his party does not.<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I know that politicians’ failsafe tactic when confronted with these scandals is self-preservation-at-any-cost but is this large enough of a scandal to justify that? Should Democrats shun him at every turn? Will they deny him thrice before the cock crows at the dawn of the next election cycle?<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Obviously, the Republicans will sling mud, slander and mockery at him at every opportunity because he is a prominent member of the enemy party. But can they really take the high road? Can the party of Christianity and family values continue lauding itself as such when they’ve got hooker-humping David Vitter still holding a seat in the US Senate? Can the monogamy champions of the political universe still cast stones when Newt Gingrich, its front-running presidential hopeful has been married and divorced more times than Elizabeth Taylor?<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 1em; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 6px; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPQOhPlRyTu605B0AyZEozZJaiCWJMnb9oBjlmF-vfJ5MqvQZcUaOGjefsbWJI8dmpclcjjWLMA8omz-w74ISmrJO1HH7BGwjYTM04DyrR5q78hmD9VdoP32ei-dj4jAp4h8F2O7QrDDlc/s1600/larrycraigstall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPQOhPlRyTu605B0AyZEozZJaiCWJMnb9oBjlmF-vfJ5MqvQZcUaOGjefsbWJI8dmpclcjjWLMA8omz-w74ISmrJO1HH7BGwjYTM04DyrR5q78hmD9VdoP32ei-dj4jAp4h8F2O7QrDDlc/s320/larrycraigstall.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center;"><b>Wanna go around the world and back? <br />
Tap twice for 'yes' and once for 'no'</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And does everyone remember Republican Senator Larry Craig? I do. Because of him, I will never take a dump in an airport restroom in fear that if I inadvertently tap my foot, I will be arrested for soliciting a pre-flight quickie.<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The President of the United States enjoying a cigar with his intern is one thing, Elliot Spitzer moonlighting with top-shelf escorts is another and Tweeting panty-pics of yourself is yet another. But they all ask the same question...do our elected officials’ personal lives have any impact on their ability to govern? Should we combine or compartmentalize the two…especially when no law has been broken?<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Bill Clinton’s tendency to bang chubby girls and then lie about it makes him a bad husband with worse taste in women (yes, that was a jab at Hillary too) but does it make him a bad President? Spitzer is filthy and he broke the law so yes, by all means, step down, disappear and re-evaluate your station in life Elliot. But even though Anthony Weiner’s Twitter habits may land him in the doghouse at home, should they have him exiled from Congress?<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Maddow made an excellent point in reminding us that Weiner never ran on a political platform of superior morality and that his recent transgressions failed to expose him as a political hypocrite in any respect. (see definition above)<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Maddow claimed that this scandal qualified merely as ‘gossip.’ What do you think?<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/MqC8-EIPuLs" width="560"></iframe></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">What is the difference between gossip and news in this round-the-clock multimedia blitzkrieg in which we are helplessly immersed? And how much stock should we put in it? Ha ha, Weiner got caught sending pictures of his wiener, what a nimrod. But should we really mock him out of office and forget how zealously he fought for healthcare for the workers at Ground Zero? Should we disregard the passion he brings to public service and judge him only for his idiotic indiscressions?</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I just can’t bring myself to do that. Maybe it’s because I myself am a passionate person and I look for passion in my politicians just as I look for it in the athletes I admire. And passion is something that is rarely found in politics. Anthony Weiner has passion. He also has, Photoshop augmentation not withstanding, an enormous package. And forgive me for saying so, but it takes balls to represent the state of New York. Big balls. And the state of New York cannot afford to neuter one of its most tenacious political voices. </span></div></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-47901071735167848652011-05-28T10:16:00.000-07:002011-05-28T10:24:11.610-07:00The Jersey Shore: Now a Worldwide Epidemic<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Have you ever seen the movie ‘Outbreak’? It chronicles the exploits of the Center for Disease Control as they attempt to contain the fictitious Mutaba virus within the small town of Cedar Creek, California. Why? Because they did not want the disease to spread to the rest of the country, let alone the entire world.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The Jersey Shore has gone international…and I want to know whose fucking fault it is. I want some accountability goddamnit. A virus, and yes the Jersey Shore is just that, will spread if not contained. And from the get-go, this disease was not contained. Conversely, it was given everything it needed to flourish; ratings, book deals, spin-offs and round the clock media coverage which I myself am contributing to at this very moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So kidding aside, who is to blame? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The New Jersey Department of Health and Senior Services? Might a little penicillin have eliminated this bug? Probably not. Could they have released an army of hazmat-clad soldiers to man the borders of the Garden State to keep these morons from spreading and infecting more intelligent members of Americana? They could have at least tried.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Is the New Jersey Chamber of Commerce responsible? I am not sure which governing body determines what products are allowed to bare the proud seal of New Jersey but couldn’t they have intervened and said, ‘NO, THIS ABOMINATION OF A PROGRAM IS SIMPLY NOT WORTHY OF OUR JERSEY HERITAGE!’ Aaahh, who are we kidding. Jersey is an armpit and the very fact that a show proudly boasting of its lineage could be so immensely successful, is proof that a deeper, more systemic problem has taken hold. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Could MTV be the cause and catalyst? They are responsible for the original green light that began all this. But simply releasing a disease into the population is not enough. It needs to spread. And that is where we come in. Me…my fellow humans. We have all let each other down. I take responsibility. And so should you. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But on the off chance that you will not volunteer your guilt, allow me to castigate you on this page. And some of you are more responsible than others. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Mike Petolino of Gotham Entertainment. You represent The Situation. You should be drawn and quartered for representing such a specimen and plastering his face across the labels of products the world over. It is the social equivalent of releasing Anthrax into the global water supply and you should be ashamed of yourself. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgAACd1MdsF7nUxVt4JtEI9-5YCJVKVvFEm4ZXxeqOkjWbxEVGKK-NjKd9DrvSNMXsuZ55J16_Is4TEVnV6McGDhMZLDtd3nJZj_AQ-CQBK6qWeYquTY67NEArciNaneXl2PhhYf-C2q4/s1600/BOBBLE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgAACd1MdsF7nUxVt4JtEI9-5YCJVKVvFEm4ZXxeqOkjWbxEVGKK-NjKd9DrvSNMXsuZ55J16_Is4TEVnV6McGDhMZLDtd3nJZj_AQ-CQBK6qWeYquTY67NEArciNaneXl2PhhYf-C2q4/s320/BOBBLE.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I don’t care how much money he makes you, how do you sleep at night asshole? While we’re at it, shame on the following companies for choosing him as your poster-boy; Vitamin Water, Nox Edge, Reebok and last but not least, the company that actually created this: <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">SallyAnn Salsano created the Jersey Shore and her punishment should be death by firing squad followed by an eternity in hell, which, incidentally, is the perfect place to get a good suntan. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">MTV, you were obviously to blame for introducing these nimrods to the world and you could have stopped there. But you didn’t. You went ahead and created spin-offs for Snooki, J-Wow and Paully D. I would say that ‘you’re better than that MTV’ but let’s be honest, you’re really not. You’re trash and you suck so you’re pretty much giving us the best you’ve got. My advice, maybe start aiming a little higher? Sluts and douchebags could be your starting point but you can always strive for more. You just have to dream and then follow your dreams out of the gutter and into the clouds. Just a thought. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Simon and Schuster Publishing and everyone at their subsidiary Gallery Books; you should all be tried as war criminals for aiding, abetting and facilitating the publication of “A Shore Thing.” This “novel” was written by Snooki, who is hardly capable of speaking an intelligible sentence, let alone writing an entire book of them. I realize the e-book has slightly altered the landscape of commerce in literature but there is no need to bring it down to THIS level. Reading was and still is to an extent, a medium for thirsty, malleable intellects looking to expand their minds…who are you to leave them shrunken and atrophied? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Now, I would hate for the responsible parties to escape into the shadows so below are a list of the people who played a large role in the publication of this stain upon American literature. If you see them in public, throw something at them. Tomatoes, dead sewer rats, bricks. Anything.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Lauren McKenna-Executive Editor at Gallery Books<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Jeremie Ruby-Strauss-Senior Editor at Gallery Books<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Scott Miller-Agent at Trident Media who negotiated WORLD RIGHTS. Save the brick for him. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">World rights. That brings us back to the purpose of this post. The Jersey Shore has moved to Florence. Florence…renowned the world over for its breadth of art, architecture and culture. And we sent these orange mongoloids there for the summer. I don’t know who is more to blame; America for sending them…or Italy for receiving them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Couldn’t someone have stopped this? The Italian Consulate? The United Nations? The FAA? Isn’t knowingly transporting infectious diseases across national borders the equivalent of terrorism via germ warfare? Why didn’t someone, anyone, do anything to prevent this?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/V5kNDavdSIs?rel=0" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">You know, for all my pissing and moaning, maybe I am just projecting. Maybe I am to blame. I just spent an hour of my life writing this post. I could have spent that hour reading to blind children or working at a soup kitchen. I could have spent that hour reciting poetry to my penis. That would have been more productive than giving these people more attention and press than they have already. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So who is to blame? We all are. James Madison, you are to blame for formally introducing the Bill of Rights that included the First Amendment. Democracy, you are to blame for denying the existence of American dictatorships that might have suppressed reality programming. Paris Hilton, you are to blame for suggesting that hot, stupid people should be deified, emulated and followed in the press. And anyone who has ever tuned into any reality show of any sort, you are to blame. Lastly, anyone, myself included, who has ever ranted about it in the blogosphere…we are to blame. We are all spreading the disease. And we should all be sterilized. <o:p></o:p></span></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-58343071239571121342011-05-18T21:08:00.000-07:002011-05-18T21:08:06.694-07:00A Tie-Dyed Stain Upon the Catholic Church<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Those goddamn hippies have done it again. First, they gave us jam bands and never-ending guitar solos that when combined with psilocybin mushrooms, could transport you to another dimension where personal hygiene and brain cell regeneration were afterthoughts. Then their ‘burn your bras and fuck your neighbor’ campaign triggered Regan’s ‘War On Drugs’; which still packs our penitentiaries with anyone who has the audacity to carry more than a dime bag of marijuana on their person. Now, it turns out that they are also responsible for the ‘priests who want to fuck children’ epidemic that swept through the early stages of the 21<sup>st</sup> Century, leaving Catholics across the globe on their knees begging for…okay, bad analogy…strike that. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7xRch05_S5_nz3kjlp-HT02OgFT2X8Jy9PnbtpViYBcuo8PaBobFZeBgpcRa4g4gp-__uCEcyhUPrqXN56M3JVqQJy3SvjJga48okMwxnqFesDMwFm96k3wHpIu3Y7aO1otTFFrHxAAA/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7xRch05_S5_nz3kjlp-HT02OgFT2X8Jy9PnbtpViYBcuo8PaBobFZeBgpcRa4g4gp-__uCEcyhUPrqXN56M3JVqQJy3SvjJga48okMwxnqFesDMwFm96k3wHpIu3Y7aO1otTFFrHxAAA/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Peace man. Go with God Bro!</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">A recent study conducted by the John Jay College of Criminal Justice concluded, and no I am not making this up, that the rampant sexual abuse perpetrated by priests was <u>not</u> a result of homosexuality or a by-product of the all-male, celibate nature of the priesthood. The real culprit was that “priests who were poorly prepared or monitored, landed amid the social and sexual turmoil of the 1960s and 70s.” So after the 1.8 million dollars that was spent on the study, we are left to believe that the reason some priests molest children is because they went to Woodstock and had a really good time there. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">I naturally found this hard to swallow and upon reading such a preposterous claim, I understandably shat myself. After putting on a clean pair of pantaloons, I continued reading the study’s findings to find that apparently the Catholic Church has been employing this rationale for the last decade.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">How fascinating. And as much as I have enjoyed mocking the various tenants of the hippie way of life, I think it harshly unjustified to hold them responsible for priests’ inability to keep their cassocks on and their hands off the altar boys. Having poor taste in clothes and obliviously dragging innocents into never-ending philosophical discussions devoid of anything resembling a point hardly warrant linking these creatures to child molestation. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Bong hits and hemp clothing do not lead to pedophilia, do they? I have pulled many a tube in my life (that’s Hippese for bong smoking). I have partaken in the reefer, imbibed the ganja, danced with Mary Jane and puffed the Magic Dragon yet I have never done what, according to the John Jay Report of 2002, 4% of the world’s priests have done to children under the age of eighteen. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Furthermore, the recent study claimed that the priests that were found guilty of abusing boys were not doing so because they were homosexuals. It also concluded that few of the guilty priests exhibited behavior typical of pedophiles or possessed any particular psychological patterns or disorders. That being said, one could feasibly deduce that celibacy turns 4% of its practitioners, regardless of sexual orientation or psychiatric history, into pedophiles. Will I too start assaulting children if I abstain from sex or eat too many unleavened wafers? Should I be worried?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So who is really to blame here? Could it be, and this is just a fucking stab in the dark, the Catholic Church itself? Could an archaic culture of diametric morality that is hell-bent (nice word choice, eh?!) on celibacy and keeping its followers on their knees, crippled with guilt for even briefly indulging in sexual fantasies, somehow be enabling if not cultivating this trend? There is a kink in the Catholic machinery and it sure as shit ain’t a pair of bell-bottoms. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">If you stick a bunch of men in a monastery without a woman in site, wrap a suffocating Roman Collar around their throat and guilt every semblance of a healthy sexuality out of them…guess what. They are going to explode. And who do these holy powder kegs have access to? Children. Boys. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJSpKSN8qOtMhmpcF6LGwkOHsi17-_RBiZ0zLfInvQPd2sNYVtJ7gtkQBJF6DSwuYdgbQtijfUtm7yxWSK7JaRsAdAGl4tDZD7_Z1vDdh9fu7pMEFxadykCNApflILXKgn3Ia8R7NYilE/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJSpKSN8qOtMhmpcF6LGwkOHsi17-_RBiZ0zLfInvQPd2sNYVtJ7gtkQBJF6DSwuYdgbQtijfUtm7yxWSK7JaRsAdAGl4tDZD7_Z1vDdh9fu7pMEFxadykCNApflILXKgn3Ia8R7NYilE/s320/images-1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Pope Benedict XVI at Woodstock in 1969 </b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So what are we to do? Perhaps the Vatican should mandate weekly trips to Hooters for all clergymen. Or Pope Benedict could encourage priests to watch pornography and masturbate at least once a day; perhaps less frequently for the older ones. Maybe the priesthood should finally go co-ed and while they're at it, Catholicism as a whole could come to terms with the fact that having sex will probably not secure one’s place in hell on the off chance that there actually is one. Apparently the real solution to this problem is just to keep priests from attending Phish concerts. Who knew.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><!--EndFragment-->Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-10199129968335824862011-05-01T23:10:00.000-07:002011-05-02T08:01:23.329-07:00Osama bin Laden is Dead<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_fE9imCb6QjvkWVvLTK-G77xh1Be7Vcm_UHarZJ-tpDPNfa4JhaznGppQu1OIHDsoCNgzuBEUeUmumyTzG-HY0EpboBNINiaGnzTm1meGs09nwqn1TSP9SVgSNUqaGRkFZr-VMF2htdE/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_fE9imCb6QjvkWVvLTK-G77xh1Be7Vcm_UHarZJ-tpDPNfa4JhaznGppQu1OIHDsoCNgzuBEUeUmumyTzG-HY0EpboBNINiaGnzTm1meGs09nwqn1TSP9SVgSNUqaGRkFZr-VMF2htdE/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">There was no dramatic jet landing on an aircraft carrier. No “Mission Accomplished” banner. No cheering servicemen. No pomp or circumstance of any sort. There was just a slender, solemn Hawaiian man walking down an empty hallway and up to a podium to tell the world, to tell the United States, to tell New York City, to tell <u>me</u> that Osama bin Laden was dead.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">It is very rare that life happens at a magnitude that is beyond my capacity to emotionally process it. This was one of those moments; one that transcended immediacy. This moment was over a decade in the making and it needed time to marinate, time to breathe and open up, like an old Bordeaux. This moment was not just now. This was the past…and the future.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I watched as Obama recounted the manner in which bin Laden had been killed and I struggled to keep my attention on the present. ‘This is history asshole, pay attention,’ I told myself. But my mind danced forward and backwards and sideways at the same time. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">‘This should insure a second term for Obama’ I thought before nudging myself back to this historic presidential address. ‘Maybe now he’ll have the clout to rally the public behind his health care bill and a long-term fiscal strategy that keeps Medicare and Medicaid in tact.’ Then I would snap back to the now and Obama would be saying something about predator drones. And I’d grin because that term just sounds really fucking cool. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As he veered into a section about how for a decade, bin Laden was the one Al Qaeda leader that kept evading us, I hop-scotched back to the past and my hatred for George W. Bush was fresh again. I could feel it, almost taste it. Motherfucker. All this happened on his watch. And my moronic fucking countrymen re-elected him because the Democratic Party couldn’t come up with a more likable option than John fucking Kerry…with his long face and weird wife. Fuck. Goddamn fucking W. We had bin Laden in the caves of Tora Bora but he got away because of W’s ill-conceived Iraqi oil campaign. Stupid Texan born-again Christian cocksmoker.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Then I realized that my self-indulgent festival of rage was causing me to miss history so once again, I returned to the address. I try to stay present. 'Listen to him. Hear him. Take this in. This is closure. This is what you’ve always wanted and needed.'<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And I realize the potency of this unequivocal truth. I have always fought for closure in my life whenever it was remotely attainable. I like my issues neatly packaged and wrapped up with a pretty little bow on them. It gives me some semblance of control, of certitude and of comfort in a chaotic and utterly uncontrollable world. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Maybe this night will give me what has always eluded me and the many New Yorkers that woke up on September 12<sup>th</sup> 2001 in a very different city in a very frightening world. I didn’t lose anyone on that day. But my world was radically altered and my worldview was profoundly tarnished.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I found myself afraid in a way I had never known; looking quickly upward every time I heard a plane passing overhead. I found my perception of humanity irreparably harmed; having never even fathomed people capable of doing such horrible things right here in my city. I also found myself asking questions I had never asked before. Awful questions. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Have you ever asked yourself what you would do to Osama bin Laden if you were alone with him in a room without windows in a world without consequence? Have you ever really asked yourself and honestly answered yourself? I have. I have for the past decade. And the answers always have and continue to frighten me. But I cannot deny them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And New Yorkers cannot deny them. The proof is in the crowds that gathered in Times Square and at Ground Zero late into Sunday night and early into Monday morning. The proof was in the hugs, the high fives, the tears, cheers, singing and chanting. We could not deny what we wanted. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">We wanted that motherfucker dead. We needed that motherfucker dead.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So now what? What do we do now? We have permission to move forward, to let go of the past but can we? It’s not always such an easy task, is it? Hatred, anger, despair, a thirst for vengance…these things can get really familiar. They can become a part of us. They can envelop us like a warm blanket. They can start to feel like home. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So maybe we will not close the book on this. Maybe closure is only something that applies to cute little problems like breaking up with a girlfriend or forgiving your parents for not being perfect. Maybe we can just press on and let our anger evolve into whatever it is that we need it to become. Maybe it’ll turn into gratitude or unity. Maybe it’ll help us get our military out of Afganistan and Iraq. Maybe it’ll trigger the disintegration of Al Qaeda. Or maybe it’ll spark a revival. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I don’t know. I really don’t. And as tears stream down my cheeks, I can’t even tell you what I’m feeling. Relief? Hope? Sadness? Joy? I don’t fucking know man. But I like it. And judging by the crowds in the streets, New York likes it. And maybe that’s all that matters. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCJojEgQD_DK0ggdYplyv9e68oHKfh0tx9yeepktsh8cV5v4FI4e-hpRzQMHFWTKAkaRUbAuCyHcmxW6eXUcqbc5a1IwjtG9T19OY2ZVYsGGlyHcb9OzJowiiOrpX4tNQ4AWXnbIOIKKM/s1600/images-2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCJojEgQD_DK0ggdYplyv9e68oHKfh0tx9yeepktsh8cV5v4FI4e-hpRzQMHFWTKAkaRUbAuCyHcmxW6eXUcqbc5a1IwjtG9T19OY2ZVYsGGlyHcb9OzJowiiOrpX4tNQ4AWXnbIOIKKM/s200/images-2.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Maybe that’s all we need right now. A reason to get together. A reason to high-five a stranger. A reason to chant ‘U.S.A.’ A reason to feel just a little bit better about that horrible day. A reason to believe that those 2,996 people did not die in vain. A reason to hope. Maybe that’s it. We needed a reason to hope. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And we fucking got one!<o:p></o:p></span></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-62516956079008612762011-04-21T20:25:00.000-07:002011-04-21T20:25:07.880-07:00Earth Day: A Retrospective, A Reflection...and A Warning<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The year was 1990. It was a happy time. Vanilla Ice was shattering hip-hop’s monochromatic glass ceiling, we were training the Taliban, not hunting them, the <i>A-Team</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> was safely confined to television, not being tragically re-imagined for the big screen and wars in Iraq lasted months, not years.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Sure we had environmental problems but they were solvable, if not quaint problems like acid rain, deforestation, oil spills and holes in the ozone layer. Yet somewhere (maybe in Burlington, Vermont, maybe not) a group of hippies packed the ninth bong of their morning session, inhaled and hatched a plan. The plan was simple…take Earth Day global. And so they did.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><i>Blogger’s Disclaimer: I made that up. The idea to go global was hatched by an environmental activist named Denis Hayes. But my version is much more entertaining...at least I think so. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7pzaQfK_TNz0EEgYafJE3zxpk3Zaw9JukV9zpwI22cq86GTgMy5gAwuEKBpHNrzZ_qFHOgZFncFM_uUXpandByH8zu5ZEilIW3qnwCqZbcWt_lS5QWGv5RszojSYNrA4wLhkALpQI_Vg/s1600/JPEG+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7pzaQfK_TNz0EEgYafJE3zxpk3Zaw9JukV9zpwI22cq86GTgMy5gAwuEKBpHNrzZ_qFHOgZFncFM_uUXpandByH8zu5ZEilIW3qnwCqZbcWt_lS5QWGv5RszojSYNrA4wLhkALpQI_Vg/s1600/JPEG+1.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Earth Day was born in 1970 by Senator Gaylord Nelson (no, I did not make up that name) in an effort to raise awareness about environmental issues in the wake of an oil spill that ravaged the coast of Santa Barbara. It started as a grass-roots effort to increase global consciousness and stimulate change. And what started out as a day celebrated in the United States by 2,000 colleges is now embraced by a majority of the planet.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And as it rolls around once again, I cannot help but reflect on it all. Why it started, the problems we had then, the problems we have now and whether or not this day has made much of a difference.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So here we are, forty-one years later and much has changed; but not necessarily for the better. We still have oil spills but now they occur a mile underwater and go on for three months. Deforestation is no longer something we oppose, just something we accept. Acid rain still occurs but it gets much less press than our new quagmires like resource depletion, radiation contamination and global warming. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So has Earth Day served its purpose? My cynicism not withstanding, strides have certainly been made. Over the last four decades, laws like the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act and the Endangered Species Act have been put into place to protect our natural resources and keep the term bio-diversity itself from becoming extinct. Recycling, solar power, the Kyoto Protocol; without the Earth Day movement, they may not have evolved as they have. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And who knows…without Earth Day, our Floridian waterways may be devoid of sea cows. And where would we be then?</span><br />
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</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW13KlV2XQrhIf-e1Hwn5W6h3lKd3ob2Ar_HxyuvZ7uTp21oRmDW77mFdYKF4sUZoLBSCLPQ2tfWuW8HHc3Buif6PXQgrd4DFTpy2peBdVDdgmBV9vcRIjzjqqcrOZ8XeXozmW4a9eNlE/s1600/jpeg2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW13KlV2XQrhIf-e1Hwn5W6h3lKd3ob2Ar_HxyuvZ7uTp21oRmDW77mFdYKF4sUZoLBSCLPQ2tfWuW8HHc3Buif6PXQgrd4DFTpy2peBdVDdgmBV9vcRIjzjqqcrOZ8XeXozmW4a9eNlE/s1600/jpeg2.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Would you really miss me?</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">But it just seems like environmentalists are always (and pardon the ecological analogy) swimming against the current. No matter how much evidence presents itself, the government resists taking action…as if irreparable damage to our natural world were some nagging predicament that those damn hippies just wouldn’t stop bitching about. And our elected officials rarely respond to bitching…or hippies for that matter.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But we do have problems and we need to solve them even if, as Al Gore so eloquently pointed out, doing so is somewhat inconvenient. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But is it me or are our problems getting bigger? And the bigger they get, the more complicated and difficult the prospect of changing them becomes. There is one problem in particular that does not get as much press as it should and it is one that is enabling and augmenting the litany of environmental issues that plague us. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Overpopulation.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">China had a population problem. And in a move that was heralded by many as Orwellian and inhumane, they limited a portion of its populous to one child per family. The policy has successfully curbed population growth by preventing approximately 400 million childbirths in the last thirty-two years. And other countries need to start implementing variations of this policy...or at least entertaining the notion. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Because we have more people than food to feed them and in cities like New York, we have more people than square footage to house them. We’ve got more cars that guzzle more gas than we can drill, barrel, process and sell for anything less than $4 a barrel. And it doesn’t stop there. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">With our natural resources diminishing, oil reserves being drained and our environment being continuously polluted while our population skyrockets, you can see the potential for things to get significantly worse. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And on this Earth Day, dare I ask what we are doing about it? Well, the bad news is that the GOP is still operating under the ‘Global Warming is a myth’ precept. They illustrated this during the recent budget showdown when they tried to attach a provision to the budget that would strip the Environmental Protection Agency of its power to...wait for it...protect the environment by regulating CO2 emissions. And the worse news is that President Obama has been giving the GOP far too much of what it wants these days. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">This year, the Earth Day Network is launching 'A Billion Acts of Green', the largest environmental service campaign in the world. Its goal is to register one billion green actions, large and small, before the Earth Summit scheduled for next year in Rio. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">To make your pledge, visit <a href="http://www.earthday.org/billion-acts-green-%C2%AE">http://www.earthday.org/billion-acts-green-®</a><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">This pledge is a good thing. But it’s not enough. Grass roots activism will only go so far. We need bold initiatives from our government, regardless of how ‘inconvenient’ taking action may be in these trying financial times. But what happens if nothing is done? Allow me to paint a few alarmist scenarios for you. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Option A) by 2017, the world’s population rises to eleven billion and in efforts to feed everyone, geneticists engineer a three thousand ton mega-cow that is pumped full of so much Human Growth Hormone that it breaks Barry Bonds homerun record. (the accomplishment is shunned by Coopers Town but to little protest) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiicR3obcVTjFVaXa8LxbvzqLST2bgv7UgMBzmlR3ZV13_VNBogtsi0htqJolCME_t2i0PJq4RuFB3hoL3fnBzaYrw9HencXoT1Pe5ednOzFHxHvpcGmP4fvpK_Ul1y4t8Mk7joqD69AcI/s1600/JPEG+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiicR3obcVTjFVaXa8LxbvzqLST2bgv7UgMBzmlR3ZV13_VNBogtsi0htqJolCME_t2i0PJq4RuFB3hoL3fnBzaYrw9HencXoT1Pe5ednOzFHxHvpcGmP4fvpK_Ul1y4t8Mk7joqD69AcI/s1600/JPEG+4.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Soon after, the GOP’s belief in the benign nature of global warming is proven wrong when the polar ice caps melt entirely. Those that survive either use the mega-cow as a floating landmass they call home or take to the seas; growing gills and mullets and drinking their own urine to survive. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Option B) The population continues it’s mathematical ascension and as it does, our oil, water and natural food sources evaporate. Poverty and unemployment rates rise and with a fiscally paranoid government in place, nothing is done to invest in clean, renewable energy or even fuel-efficient automobiles for that matter. America continues to fall behind the rest of the world in terms of energy, education and economic growth.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Once this happens, we delve even further into a polarized abyss of ‘haves’ and ‘have nots.’ The ‘have nots’ will die off and the ‘haves’ will survive but not for long. Due to the numerous detriments inclusive in their diets, cancer and diabetes become permanently embedded in homo sapien DNA and within thirty years, the average life expectancy drops to seven. Eventually, it drops to zero. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The rest of the planet won’t fair much better. Third Worlders that don’t die from irradiated spinach will wade through cholera-infested and radically depleted water supplies in search of a disease-free drink but the only way to get one is to buy a bottle of water with money they don’t have in a city they can’t get to. Fertile, farmable land becomes extinct, as do vegetarians. Zen Palate goes out of business but no one cares. And without vegetables to feed on, all carnivores, starting with Texans and undeomesticated felines but spreading to all others, die off soon after. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">OR<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Option C) We can join the Earth Day Network pledge and take one action in an effort to initiate change one small stride at a time. Then we can demand that our elected officials act NOW to curb the emissions of greenhouse gases and take better measures to insure that something like the BP oil spill NEVER happens again. But we cannot stop there. We need oil and coal taxes that will actually deter their usage and nudge us toward solar, wind and yes, despite Japan, nuclear power. Our classrooms must not only catch up to the rest of the world, but eclipse them so that future generations can lead the way toward a cleaner, sustainable future in a lush, fertile and harvestable planet. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Why? Because I want to drink cholera-free water, not my own urine. I want to eat free-range poultry, not a mega-cow scavenged upon by those fortunate enough to have survived an ecological holocaust. I don’t want to grow gills. I want to grow old with my children who can swim in the ocean and not be flammable afterwards. I want to believe in a better, cleaner tomorrow. And at some point, we have to start securing that for ourselves. Because if we don’t, we will have one pissed off Mother on our hands.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Click on the link below the image to join me. Happy Earth Day. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghao4bBgwn5Zi6ALXqIu94JLX93sK_W2xgNyFtXhzXVAJPYDn-YogiHclf8KiPGyiNect0j0XsYY1EcQOithLAd5f1EXP36OuNgnXdsC2G9A_V4I55eWSuQzq5oGCabM1VjJ1bnPpy9a4/s1600/jpeg+3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghao4bBgwn5Zi6ALXqIu94JLX93sK_W2xgNyFtXhzXVAJPYDn-YogiHclf8KiPGyiNect0j0XsYY1EcQOithLAd5f1EXP36OuNgnXdsC2G9A_V4I55eWSuQzq5oGCabM1VjJ1bnPpy9a4/s320/jpeg+3.png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><a href="http://www.earthday.org/billion-acts-green-%C2%AE">http://www.earthday.org/billion-acts-green-®</a> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-84161498509599985032011-04-09T22:12:00.000-07:002011-04-09T22:12:01.881-07:00OUR FISCAL FUTURE: A DEAD MAN WALKING GETS A TEMPORARY STAY OF EXECUTION<!--StartFragment--> <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I realize that most of you have lives and aren’t glued to CNN for hours at a time because you don’t want to miss Harry Reid’s monotonic address about budget negotiations. And I celebrate that. As you raise your children, advance your careers and lavish your spouses with either affection or neglect, I live vicariously through you. Yesterday, my lack of life enabled me to obsessively indulge in the latest piece of political theater and luckily for all of us, it had a happy ending. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The government shut down was averted and both parties rejoiced, lauding the achievement as “historic” and an illustration of “democracy at work.” And I’ll admit, the small victory (avoiding melt downs qualify as such in this Washington climate) made my heart swell and my loins tingle. Once in a while our government acts remotely competent and minimally functional and it makes me smile so.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But yesterday does not negate the fact that we still have a serious problem that needs to be addressed…coming up with a reasonable long-term plan to prevent a fiscal crisis. And let’s face it, we really need to one. Unfortunately, the plan that is getting all the press these days is a fucking awful one. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As a self-professed sidewalk philosopher, I always feel the need to ask questions and on my blog, I encourage my readers to do the same. So here’s a question for you…is it better to have a shitty plan or no plan at all?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I enjoy the op-ed section of the New York Times and it rarely happens but once and a while Paul Krugman and David Brooks sound off on the same page about the same topic. I get a similar thrill watching Paul Begala and David Gergen duke it out on CNN. Yes, I said ‘thrill,’ my life is that sad. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqtcGLNb6DdLL32dq1L7ChvT6JzLEu33LgttosR94DmvZROsjfbJs3OgJh7vLf9LJvUqOS6s9MfCTKzjtCID2s3umZapPupsUlSjal0vxoWamfZSBSiWDo_kAYjw-v_6hB3S_mYZUXcV0/s1600/image+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqtcGLNb6DdLL32dq1L7ChvT6JzLEu33LgttosR94DmvZROsjfbJs3OgJh7vLf9LJvUqOS6s9MfCTKzjtCID2s3umZapPupsUlSjal0vxoWamfZSBSiWDo_kAYjw-v_6hB3S_mYZUXcV0/s1600/image+2.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>"I've got a plan. It sucks but it's a plan goddamnit!"</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But I enjoy these showdowns because even though we all love our pundits to regurgitate and reinforce our own ethos, it is more valuable and stimulating to hear perspectives on both sides. And yesterday’s op-ed issue was House Budget Chairman Paul Allen’s budget proposal. Merely a week old, the proposal is already making headlines and here I am, caught in the middle of the hyperbolic crossfire.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Is it “Bold?” “Ludicrous?” A beacon of fiscal responsibility? A good starting point or the latest Republican attempt at class warfare? Who do I trust? Who do I believe? I’m not a fucking economist so what am I to make of all this?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Well, lets try and get through this together. We can only hope that reason and solidarity will help us navigate these murky waters successfully. So what does the budget propose? To reduce federal spending by $6.2 trillion over the next decade, during which it will also reduce the deficit by $4.4 trillion. Well, that doesn’t sound like such a bad thing does it?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Well, no. But unfortunately, trillions of dollars in spending do not magically disappear in the same manner as Charlie Sheen’s integrity. They go somewhere. And Ryan’s proposal, which the GOP is praising copiously, would take that money from very important places. First and foremost, this budget assumes that Obama’s health care overhaul will be repealed. So, that’s Allen’s version of forward thinking; repealing past laws that he isn’t very fond of. Not a good start but let’s not get too discouraged and press on. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">After that, he proposes that over a trillion dollars be cut from Medicare and Medicaid spending. Here we go again. The Republican solution…fuck the poor and fuck the old. Fuck ‘em both. They’re a drag no matter how much money we shell out to them so maybe if we just stop paying for their health care, they will die off and we will be left with the Arian Utopia we all crave; a nation of young, rich, white, heterosexual Protestants. Then we can all traverse life with the comfort that Gay-Black-Poor Plague will not kill our babies while they sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But don’t think that Allen is a heartless prick or anything like that. He does not want to entirely abolish Medicare, which, with an 85% approval rating, is one of America’s most liked programs. No, he just wants to replace it with vouchers that citizens can use to buy private policies. Well, that sounds just as good, no? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">According to Paul Krugman, who cites the Congressional Budget Office in estimating that these vouchers will only cover one third of senior health costs, that would mean that the other two thirds, they would just have to come up with themselves. Krugman seems to think this is all a bad idea. And since he has a Nobel Prize in Economics on his mantle and I don’t, I’ll go ahead and take his word for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">On the flip side we have David Brooks, who is right when he claims that increasing taxes on the rich will not, in and of itself, cover our ever-expanding fiscal waistband. But the answer cannot simply be to cut taxes on the wealthiest Americans, which Ryan’s plan once again suggests in hopes that the magical “trickle down” effect will manifest this time around…which is kind of like betting that the next book Snooky writes will win the Pulitzer.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Brooks is accurate in his claims that Medicare cannot cover the costs of every single new procedure that medical science introduces and that the more affluent cross-section of the populous should shoulder a portion of the burden of paying for our social programs with a slight increase in their tax rates. I agree with both statements. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But most importantly, Brooks is correct in claiming that until Democrats come up with a plan to counter Ryan’s, they cannot be taken seriously in matters concerning fiscal responsibility. David Gergen echoed these sentiments on Anderson Cooper’s program yesterday evening. So what is the Democrats’ plan? Well, that’s the problem. They don’t appear to have one. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And they need one if they want to not only muffle the populist anti-debt outrage that has already begun to spread from Tea Parties to voting booths, but also to avoid the fiscal crisis that will unfold if our debt goes unchecked and we don’t find a responsible way to insure our social programs’ long-term solvency. If anyone is curious about what happens when such measures are not procured, see recent collapses in Greece, Ireland and coming soon to a Euro-bail-out near you…Portugal! <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So how are we to resolve this fiscal calamity without sacrificing our most cherished programs? And can we do it without resorting to ideological pissing contests and budgets packed with pork, riders and other gizmos? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2vgwkHNPhIXiJHdqK2LEAm4y_Lc7vj3xjVGPBC7vUDIgKgVg6tjtTePbGGLqVGvD4tKaugmHJzFZyp4c4boOCJQ-NYW-0N8lkzxFwlEFRqDJAtUAo6Kvt4XbIir4Y4gDYU5-TtRFtaAU/s1600/image+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2vgwkHNPhIXiJHdqK2LEAm4y_Lc7vj3xjVGPBC7vUDIgKgVg6tjtTePbGGLqVGvD4tKaugmHJzFZyp4c4boOCJQ-NYW-0N8lkzxFwlEFRqDJAtUAo6Kvt4XbIir4Y4gDYU5-TtRFtaAU/s1600/image+1.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>The fight goes on. But no one ever wins.</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Probably not. As even this budget standoff turned into a battle over party ideals. And is it me or does it seem that every time the Democrats pursue better health care, cleaner air and women’s rights, the Republicans counter with pro-life rhetoric, voodoo economics and tax cuts for rich people and corporations? Am I crazy? I hate to dualistically generalize like this but no matter how much I listen to David Brooks or David Gergen’s intelligent and valid counterpoints, I just keep tacking back to the same questions.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">If our taxes pay for a compassionate welfare state we can be proud of, how can Republicans keep championing tax cuts that only make the rich richer and diminish the revenue that pays for our social programs? How can half of America keep voting for a party that wants to abolish Medicare and prevent the protection of our environment while failing to even try to improve the unemployment rate? I just don’t get it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">What am I missing? Don’t people realize that this whole “trickle down” approach to the economy doesn’t work and that it has already failed us in the past? Don’t people want the government to take care of us by championing affordable health care, clean air and an economic policy that takes care of the average working citizen? Why would the Republicans try to attach provisions to a budget that opposes all these things? Don’t people see that? Don’t they care? And as always, it leads me back to the same question…<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">REPUBLICAN VOTERS OF THE UNITED STATES, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE THINKING?!?!?!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Sorry. I just…I get a little upset with my fellow Americans sometimes. Anyway, Paul Ryan’s plan is an atrocious one. But right now, it’s the only one on the table and it’s the only one that people are talking about. That needs to change. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><!--EndFragment-->Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-66507437714848683922011-04-05T16:14:00.000-07:002011-04-06T08:32:29.063-07:00Boehner: A Man of the People - Even the Fat, Poor and Lazy Deserve a Voice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAi3zVCpi5xzU92gBmF3D7KcjZBcrFdrQ3iwDRxWG4Aq5IeWseJbGFGDA5froscF0M6l-QDio2oy-hh3UU0qUrZoY8_ow6wJFm_qJb0Qp-2upWGNQNXZzYRL1vJnKGYFVWuipqM4so3TU/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAi3zVCpi5xzU92gBmF3D7KcjZBcrFdrQ3iwDRxWG4Aq5IeWseJbGFGDA5froscF0M6l-QDio2oy-hh3UU0qUrZoY8_ow6wJFm_qJb0Qp-2upWGNQNXZzYRL1vJnKGYFVWuipqM4so3TU/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">The fat, poor and lazy people of this country have been silenced, discarded and left for dead without purpose, direction or a voice to call their own. But they now have a beacon to follow, a leader to shepherd them through these tumultuous financial times, a voice that echoes throughout the halls of Congress, a name for the droves of nameless, faceless citizens that have been cast asunder. And his name is John Boehner.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">George W. Bush gave America “Compassionate Conservatism.” But apparently G.O.P. leadership felt such an approach was too…well…compassionate. In a recent interview with </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">Rolling Stone</span></i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"> magazine, Boehner accidentally let loose his true thoughts on how to approach Americans who have fallen on tough time. His approach is, well, to not approach them at all. The majority leader of the United States House of Representatives has adopted more of a ‘Fuck them, it’s they’re own fault if they can’t get a good job or an education’ philosophy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">While on a coffee break, Boehner, who apparently is not aware of reporter/subject etiquette, dropped a little English when he thought they were off the record. After the reporter Matt Taibbi asked what he felt about young people, he shared his thoughts on that and more. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">"Can't pay your student loan? Face it, your parents were lazy and you couldn't afford college. The world needs ditch diggers and you were born into a family of them. Can't pay your mortgage? Your house was too expensive and you couldn't afford it."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbAlSMweki22BQhO9h1d8QNeqwHpz3K6pDkmDyVF8bBjU2lvY4FTk0N_XUdK5W8gfVJCi4W0GXr84igqBfyPp4IP2eRhKKDeH1SzpYJ0ZSAyfmwwUXyrtZgTRIpiTsz8aEXRnsiflcF2w/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbAlSMweki22BQhO9h1d8QNeqwHpz3K6pDkmDyVF8bBjU2lvY4FTk0N_XUdK5W8gfVJCi4W0GXr84igqBfyPp4IP2eRhKKDeH1SzpYJ0ZSAyfmwwUXyrtZgTRIpiTsz8aEXRnsiflcF2w/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">Love. So much love he has for the American working class. I can feel the fuzzy, snuggly affection for the ditch-diggers of America oozing out of his pores. Can’t you? But his love is not limited to the lowly ditch diggers that make up such a large cross-section of the American populous. John, much like myself, believes that the children are our future. And he exemplified this belief when he said, “The kids here [in the U.S.] are too fat, too lazy, too addicted to TV, fast food, cheap credit, and Facebook.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">Hmmmmm. Well, people do watch too much television. Facebook can be addictive and yes, McDonalds is a little more popular than it should be. But I am not so sure that this attitude is altogether helpful. I’m all for constructive criticism but he comes off as a little bit of a, what’s that word, cocksucker. Am I wrong? I have heard the ramblings of a cocksucker before and they sounded very much like that; harsh, apathetic, rooted in truth but completely unaffected by it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">Alarming as his comments were, he unleashed one little verbal nugget that filled me with hope and upon reading it, a light of clarity shone through me. All this time I have been worrying about unemployment in this country. Even though it recently dropped to 8.8</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">%</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">, I was still laboring under the fallacious impression that rampant unemployment was in fact, a problem. You know, something people were not necessarily happy about. ‘People need jobs and they want them’ I’ve always thought. Oh what a silly lad I was to entertain such childish notions.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">But Boehner, in a quote of the ages, claimed, “I have news for you- there are plenty of jobs out there- the unemployed don't want them.” Ooooooohhhhhhhhhh, so that’s the problem! Eureka! It’s not that people CAN’T get jobs because the job market has shriveled up due to inferior education and the collapse of housing, banking, automotive and countless other industries. No you silly monkeys, it’s that people simply don’t want the oodles of jobs that are saturating this surplus of a job market.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">Well, I don’t know about you but I feel enlightened and filled with an optimism I have not tasted since the summer of 2008; a sunny, happy time when predator lending and sub-prime mortgages only existed in science fiction books. Nobody knew who Fannie Mae or Freddy Mac were and housing bubbles were just something kids liked to play with. Twas a glorious time when automotive industries entrenched in 19</span><sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">th</span></sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"> century technologies thrived and the general public actually believed that overhauling our tragically inefficient health care system was a good idea. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">And since then, what has Mr. Boehner learned from a period that most economists herald as the worst recession since the Great Depression? That the unemployed don’t want jobs and that future generations of Americans are too fat and lazy to even deserve them. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">So, is this the future of the G.O.P.? Is the G.O.P. the future of America? Is this the leadership this country needs to mend its wounds and repair its limping economy? Is this the attitude that is going to restore America’s dignity and virility in the world? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">I hope voters are paying attention. Because our Congressmen exist to serve us, to advance our values and to realize our dreams. They exist to speak for those who cannot be heard. They are our voice. John Boehner is our voice. He is speaking to you and more importantly, he is speaking for you. Are you listening? </span></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-46614802789526120252011-03-21T23:38:00.000-07:002011-03-21T23:38:00.280-07:00Lights...Camera...Ignorance!!!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Some of you may know this, others may not, but I recently wrapped my feature film; a project that has been nearly three years in the making. And throughout the last three years, although the film was at the forefront of my mind, I always found the time and energy to do a play here, write another screenplay there and of course, contribute my weekly rant on this blog.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But at the conclusion of my last post nearly three months ago, I informed my cadre of loyal followers (all seven of them) that I would be neglecting all other pursuits to focuse exclusively on my film. Then I did what any committed artist with no life to speak of would do…I stopped blogging, suspended my subscription to the New York Times, did the same with my cable and then immersed myself quite blissfully in tunnel-visioned workaholism. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I did this for two months of pre-production and three weeks of principal photography. And since I yelled “That’s a fuckin’ wrap!” a week ago, I have slowly and painfully returned to reality. And the reality that there actually is a reality out there greater than me and my little movie. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Art is important. I believe that. Films matter. I believe that too. And when you’re making a film that is, in and of itself, both the culmination of all your life’s pursuits and the reward for enduring a decade of hopelessness, rejection and dejection, reality becomes an irrelevant if not annoying distraction. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQGumppcviS7DckS-3dBHVLX8o3qEbz6atjjWWtPUAnyVDZorRGByclwgppLAXR0Tr160SyXdwYXYKKXLOUFxEso_FaqjvrbkNRTv31J96gySIHeyIFyDv0d_a9_tev008Zj30nnrTxtk/s1600/shot2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQGumppcviS7DckS-3dBHVLX8o3qEbz6atjjWWtPUAnyVDZorRGByclwgppLAXR0Tr160SyXdwYXYKKXLOUFxEso_FaqjvrbkNRTv31J96gySIHeyIFyDv0d_a9_tev008Zj30nnrTxtk/s320/shot2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>It took an entire day to black out <br />
1,000 square feet of windows</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-family: Courier;">I spent the first two weeks of the shoot at a beach house in Southampton and as a writer, producer, director and actor on the project, I had a lot on my plate and quite a few things to worry about. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I had to worry about all the performances, including my own. I had to worry about whether or not the crew was happy and doing their jobs to the best of their abilities and if not, would I have to fire them. I had to worry about pipes bursting in the dead of winter. I had to worry about forty mile-per-hour winds that made the house shake and recording sound impossible. I had to worry about falling behind schedule and going over budget. I had to worry about whether or not my scrotum popped into frame while filming simulated sex on top of a washing machine. And I had to worry about keeping my penis flacid while having simulated sex with a scorching, twenty-five-year-old Columbian sexpot on top of said washing machine. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I simply did not have time to worry about tsunamis in Japan. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The tsunami was a blip on my radar. When you are wearing that many hats, your brain is processing a perpetual stream of stimuli that bombard you from a hundred different directions in unison. The tsunami was one of those pieces of stimuli. And it was a distraction I could not afford. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">For the briefest of moments, I worried about the safety of my cast and crew because we were in a house that overlooked the Atlantic Ocean. But I quickly got my bearings…Japan…Pacific Ocean…we’ll be fine. Okay, now I can concentrate on setting up this dolly shot. It’s a very important shot. The camera slowly pushes in on one of the leads when he has a moment of clarity about his life. It is VERY important. Far more important than something as trivial as a tsunami that kills thousands of men, women and children. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So we continued shooting and as we did, little nuggets of information would penetrate the set, dirupting my focus. I would hear something about Carmelo Anthony joining the Knicks. I hear about our trading four starters for a locker-room toxin that is allergic to both defense and high percentage shots. I remember being angry for a second or two before realizing I had only twelve minutes to get two shots at the exact moment that the sun sets behind the main character. I have got to position him just right and I want him drinking a glass of wine and I want the good grape juice god damnit! Because the market brand grape juice looks like shit! And why are there fucking bubbles in it?! And someone get me my goddamn Snuggie! Before I know it, I am not thinking about the Knicks any more. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So the shoot progresses and things are going swimmingly. The crew rocks and the performances are top shelf. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it? War looms in Libya? Not my problem. What’s going on in the world of reality television? Who gives a fuck, I’m making a good film. Who won the Oscar for best supporting mime in a musical documentary? Who cares, our movie is the center of the universe and for the first time in my life, I am doing what I’ve always wanted. Wars? Tsunamis? Oscars? Blockbuster trades? Footnotes in the historical event that is my film.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So it’s the last day of shooting in the Hamptons and we are in a rehab clinic. I spend portions of the day joking around with my friends, who were generous enough to come out for the day and serve as extras. I spend other portions gladhanding the employees of the facility and thanking them for all their help. And I mean it. I am very grateful but my appreciation comes out as formulaic, as if it were learned by rote. It’s not my fault, I’m just in too much of a rush to tap into genuine gratitude. I have a lot of things to worry about. My extras have to leave by two o'clock. I have to make sure everyone, myself especially, doesn’t crack any jokes about drug abuse or drinking. I have to worry about whether or not the rehab director is going to shut down the production because unbeknownst to him, two of the four scenes we are shooting there involve my character snorting cocaine (Vitamin B-12 actually) on the premises. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I have all these things to worry about so I don’t have time to look at or talk to all the patients that are milling about, eyeing the production curiously. I don’t have time to worry about them or their unimaginable sob stories. I have an hour left and I still have to light and shoot two scenes. But lighting takes time unfortunately so I have nothing to do <u>but</u> wait. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So I wander over to a few patients and I ask them if we are in the way. They say 'no.' They ask me what the movie is about and I methodically regurgitate my elevator pitch because I don’t have time to explain the plot with any spontaneity or feeling. Sorry but I’m a very busy man. And then after one minute of small talk, they start telling me why they are there. One tells me how many times he has been in jail. The other tells me that his sister ODed two weeks ago. She’s dead…and suddenly my movie doesn’t seem so important any more. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I had told these two men and various employees of the clinic that day that I had passed through Program many years ago but I don’t realize the magnitude of it until this moment. I look at these two strangers who are sharing their lives thirty seconds after meeting me and then I remember. I remember being eighteen and spending three months in a center that looked very much like this one. I remember the shitty coffee. I remember the unbridled honesty. I remember the broken lives. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And when I found myself inconveniently emotionalized between two soda machines, I cursed those two fuckers for making me remember and for making me realize that there was a world beyond this project. I hear someone asking if anyone’s seen the director. So I pull myself together and then go shoot a scene where my character snorts blow in the bathroom of his rehab bedroom. Moments later it occurs to me that I had actually done that and fifteen years later, had recreated the incident in a movie. But I didn’t have time to reflect on the ironic cyclicity of life, I had a film to finish. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvcOmU-PQ6z7i-vFdCMeiROh4_w9jpWLG1estnWTbpcMzwKxvU_sIH3-_PnKWlfIFmJQzuEDfcoyhwkoc8Xp0c4UQdLAt0_jke2OyVLzPpD-wP2M79AEio0nSeVj4sTsJ4eAgs0Q1BHVA/s1600/shot4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvcOmU-PQ6z7i-vFdCMeiROh4_w9jpWLG1estnWTbpcMzwKxvU_sIH3-_PnKWlfIFmJQzuEDfcoyhwkoc8Xp0c4UQdLAt0_jke2OyVLzPpD-wP2M79AEio0nSeVj4sTsJ4eAgs0Q1BHVA/s320/shot4.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>DP Gus Sacks shooting, on the verge of regurgitation</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-family: Courier;">It’s the last week of the shoot and we return to New York. I come home and embrace the sleeping bag on my bed. Yes, I use a sleeping bag instead of a blanket, stop judging me. So I wrap myself in it and I whisper sweet nothings into its ear. I tell it how much I missed it and how happy that I was to be back home, enveloped in its goose down embrace. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Then I realize that my producing partner is probably saying the same things to his fiancé after spending two weeks apart. And that my sound man’s wife is in Chicago and they probably miss each other. It occurs to me that this film is probably not the center of the universe for everyone working on it. And instead of being jealous of everyone for actually having lives, I find myself angered at the fact that they might actually place loved ones higher on their priority list than this picutre. How dare they! <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And then I quickly see that I am being unreasonable. I apologize to my sleeping bag and caress it lovingly. It then occurs to me that it has been weeks since I have had the time or energy to have sex with myself. And for a moment I think about putting on my Enya CD and busting out my variety pack of exotic massage oils. But then I realize how tired I am and how after dropping twenty pounds for the film, I am no longer attracted to myself. Moments later, I roll over on myself and fall asleep. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So it’s the last few days of the shoot and we are heading into Newark to shoot in a courthouse for three days. We are stuck in traffic and almost an hour late to set because of it. And as we pass an accident, the thought enters my head; ‘Someone better have been seriously injured in that fucking wreck, I’m an hour late because of it.’ And of course, I am immediately disgusted with myself for having thought such a thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But nothing else matters when you’re making a movie. At least not for me. The health and safety of some commuter? I don’t have time to worry about strangers, let alone strangers from Jersey, sorry. The director is late to set and so is the entire crew. Clear the fucking road and get me to work. Is this mindset selfish and despicable? Absolutely. But regretably that is just where I was while shooting. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOTVDccgy25kubotQso8GURu1Ai3zTqPXmoA2SbIeuCelW0uBo0RGyVGnWxlTBOc9eoORjTuuPdywj_6JBGVCEkWJacLybYSn2L_ZoUiYxJ5v5Q9q9ZC9nYY7Tr_vx9kEvRRFw7dtDvW4/s1600/shot3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOTVDccgy25kubotQso8GURu1Ai3zTqPXmoA2SbIeuCelW0uBo0RGyVGnWxlTBOc9eoORjTuuPdywj_6JBGVCEkWJacLybYSn2L_ZoUiYxJ5v5Q9q9ZC9nYY7Tr_vx9kEvRRFw7dtDvW4/s320/shot3.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Carolina Ravassa in a pink yetti-skin coat by Donna Karan</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-family: Courier;">We have extras for some of our scenes in Newark and as I do yet another round of gladhanding, I hear them talking. I hear murmers about Muamar el-Qaddafi going bonkers and some sort of escalating situation in Libya but I can’t be bothered with it. I thank my extras for coming, I crack a few jokes to try and elevate their spirits and then I’m off. I don’t know their names and I don’t want to. I have to rehearse my actors. That’s far more important than getting to know people I will probably never see again. Selfishness baby…that’s all I had time for. It wasn’t about them and it sure as shit wasn’t about me. It was all about the film. It had to be. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">When we wrap for the day, I have time to genuinely thank everyone for their time. Since I am no longer battling time, money and depleted coffee rations, it is safe to do so. And it feels good. People worked hard and gave twelve hours of their life to help my film so I enjoy shaking their hands. But the moment is short-lived because tomorrow is another day and we have ten pages to shoot. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The next day, one of the police officers assigned to watch over the film shoot tells me about his experiences in Iraq and for a moment I am reminded that we are still involved in two wars. ‘I wonder how those are going’ I wonder ever so briefly. Then a P.A. comes over and tells me they are ready for a blocking rehearsal. 'Thanks for sharing officer', I think before scurrying off. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The last day in Newark, we are shooting a press conference scene and we have close to thirty extras who are not being paid. How could I get all these people for free? Don’t they have jobs? Then I remember that a lot of people are still unemployed. I am waiting for my crew to set up the jib arm and I recall that I haven’t heard a peep about job creation legislation in months…not from either side of the aisle. I wonder if either party gives a fuck. Then someone says “Mr. Wolfe, they’re ready for you.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYnFrOB0RNV3NzTVj3pap7E5PVccePuiPSxb5j0Tn7EHl-Xe-uT4dyKyyS7JU-ErsgLBNg4GXa_FD8M-qJMnwOBULeF3fFQ77bPL9acm9xpzS0pZxahx0Kum5YfnRJdX6p5CxqcP13G4A/s1600/shot5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYnFrOB0RNV3NzTVj3pap7E5PVccePuiPSxb5j0Tn7EHl-Xe-uT4dyKyyS7JU-ErsgLBNg4GXa_FD8M-qJMnwOBULeF3fFQ77bPL9acm9xpzS0pZxahx0Kum5YfnRJdX6p5CxqcP13G4A/s320/shot5.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>A visionary at work</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-family: Courier;">I laugh because every now and again, someone calls me ‘Mr. Wolfe.’ Then I stop laughing because I realize that in a week, I will be a bartender again. How’s that for reality. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So we complete the film and we are thrilled. We got every shot we wanted and we came in on budget. We made a great film and we are all very much in love with the completion of the process. I am filled with more pride and self-satisfactin than I have ever known and my heart overflows with the love I feel for everybody that helped us get this bitch in the can. Everybody worked their asses off and now, for the first time, I have the opportunity to express genuine gratitude towards the members of my cast and crew…by getting them drunk. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But now that it’s over, I realize that nothing is over. I may have re-assimilated myself into the world but I find that I want nothing to do with it. My first day back at my bartending job was agonizing. As I muddled my first mojito in a month, I found myself spiting the man who ordered it with every fiber of my being. I resisted every attempt my customers made at small talk. Sorry, I can’t be your fucking friend right now, I have to…oh wait…I do have time to be your friend. But I just don’t want to. After all, I still need to find an editor. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The newspapers have returned to my doorstep but I find that I want nothing to do with them either. The casualty toll in Japan is up to two thousand. The next day it is up to four thousand but five thousand are still missing. The next day eight thousand are dead and twice that number are still missing. There is radiation contamination but no one seems to know how much and I find that I don’t really care. I still have to raise more post-production money…somehow. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I was riding the stationary bike at my gym and I see something on the news about the U.S. bombing Libya. Fuck, that can’t be good. Who’s Libya friends with these days? They probably don’t like us very much. Can we afford to get into another war? Isn’t three wars at the same time a bit much? Are republicans still trying to repeal the Health Care Bill? Do I care? I used to. Will I care again? I don’t know. After all, I still have to find a composer to score the film and he has to be willing to work for deferred pay. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I go home to flip on CNN but my cable is still turned off. I wonder if maybe that’s for the best. But then again, I immediately sat down and started writing this post so perhaps I am not content living in blissful ignorance. I am asking questions again so maybe that’s a good sign. But most of my questions still revolve around the film. Will we have to do re-shoots? Will the footage look as good as I think it will? Was my performance up to par? How will everything cut together? Will we get into Sundance? Will we win? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I like those questions. I think I’ll keep asking them. And who knows…maybe I’ll find the time to ask a few more on this blog. My seven followers will be delighted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-62109237111576718472010-12-28T18:18:00.000-08:002010-12-28T18:18:49.320-08:002011 - A Prophecy<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">I have seen the future. And it is terrifying. It was December 26</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><sup>th</sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">, 2:47 AM Eastern Standard Time and I was drowning in eggnog, limping down the last leg of a thirty-six hour peyote trip. I was laughing and crying and vomiting when suddenly…a seismic shockwave put me on my back.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I awoke, my studio apartment awash in a sea of blinding white light. And through the overwhelming luminescence appeared a three-dimensional projection of the future. In a montage of sound bites, newspaper headlines, Tweets and Facebook updates, I saw 2011’s highlights. They were alarming and arresting, occasionally inspiring but usually quite frightening. I started this blog to share my wisdom with the masses; hence I have a moral imperative to share my knowledge of the future with you as well. So brace yourself. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">In two week's time, January’s annual aurora borealis phenomena will join forces with a colossal solar flare and the combined radiation emissions will cause the Alaskan moose population to mutate. They will develop the capacity to reason and the ability to breathe fire and in an act of vengeance, a herd of them will break into the Palin residence where they will proceed to slaughter and field dress the entire family. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwFRXng6p-zTSc9yhIO3-NuQQ3wfJoToaVpYMDtsX-lHV-wFIoDAjqQ__qtjCUhEum6dcPOUQ9cfRgYiVC2-Zc0mDRPnIiIUi32hQqDWQtxVwOMI6uIf_OO60Jz-eI-ZFxkKvqrUnoVJ8/s1600/images-5.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwFRXng6p-zTSc9yhIO3-NuQQ3wfJoToaVpYMDtsX-lHV-wFIoDAjqQ__qtjCUhEum6dcPOUQ9cfRgYiVC2-Zc0mDRPnIiIUi32hQqDWQtxVwOMI6uIf_OO60Jz-eI-ZFxkKvqrUnoVJ8/s320/images-5.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Authorities will arrive at the Palin residence weeks after the fact to find the entire family stuffed and mounted on a fleet of snowmobiles. The words “Real niggaz don’t die…and neither do pit bulls with lipstick muthafuckas!” are written on the wall in blood. Forensic analysis reveals that the words are in fact written with moose hooves but the significance of the Ebonic, N.W.A.-inspired phrasing will eternally baffle authorities. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">An atypically harmonious and bi-partisan Congress will pass a litany of groundbreaking legislation. Medicare and Medicaid coverage is doubled but in subsequent efforts to prove Congress’s pragmatic flexibility, it’s funding is halved a month later. The ‘Death Panels’ that would allegedly be formed by Obamacare somehow morph from propaganda phantoms to omnipotent juggernauts and at their peak, deem half the American populous unworthy of continued life and a majority of Congress unworthy of continued service. By year’s end they will enact “The Final Edict.” At its culmination, the American population will be cut in half, the Senate reduced from 100 members to 7 and as a result of the reductions in Medicaid expenditures, the budget deficit will decrease by .06%. Those still alive will laud the accomplishment as “a Darwinist breakthrough of historic proportions” and proof that America’s Two-Party system of government still works. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">In August, the NBA free-agency circus results in the following: Carmelo Anthony, Kobe Bryant, Chris Paul and Kevin Durant all join the Knicks. The remaining free agents join the Miami Heat and the other twenty-eight teams are euthanized due to poor ticket sales and an inability to attract sponsors. When the Heat meat the Knicks in the finals, NBA President David Stern puts locks and chains on all the doors exiting Madison Square Garden before setting it on fire. Everyone inside dies…except for Spike Lee and the Knicks City Dancers who were fortuitously clad in flame-retardant unitards. Before being executed by a firing squad, Stern remarks, “I just thought it would be better if the NBA started over from scratch.” He is canonized by the Vatican weeks later. A week after that, Mark Cuban buys the Vatican and canonizes himself. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">With the NBA eliminated and the WNBA still struggling to find an audience, league executives finally do what they should have done years ago…they lower the rims to nine feet and change the uniforms to lingerie. With thong-clad women posterizing each other on a nightly basis, WNBA games’ ratings are instantaneously quadrupled, becoming the ninth most popular women’s sport, right between jai alai and snooker. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Frederick’s of Hollywood replaces Gatorade as the sponsor for the Slam Dunk Contest and in a gripping final round, Candace Parker wins on a dunk during which she hurtles Verne Troyer.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiggOCQgCC778bJ12MFcOxdW0_5btGP4hDOfTokmTxl1Y8vaQQLeb3Ebjv1Ro-u_oetlY-87fwLczMWwIHQl2QQvOXrTw6rmnzlW0zLS7obufhlWhUg_tsip3F5WuI4NH-SmJdRPFp0ZC4/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiggOCQgCC778bJ12MFcOxdW0_5btGP4hDOfTokmTxl1Y8vaQQLeb3Ebjv1Ro-u_oetlY-87fwLczMWwIHQl2QQvOXrTw6rmnzlW0zLS7obufhlWhUg_tsip3F5WuI4NH-SmJdRPFp0ZC4/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">By February, the unemployment rate skyrockets to 38% and in an act of desperation, both houses of Congress pass a mandate requiring the Kardashian sisters and <i>The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Beverly Hills, Washington DC and Atlanta</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> to enter the workforce. But without any job skills to contribute, the economy and unemployment rate remain unchanged. Having nothing else of value to contribute, the women are drained of silicone and collagen. Six hundred gallons are extracted and due to their extraordinary buoyancy, half of it is used to revitalize the slumping life preserver industry. The other half is pumped into developmental laboratories where chemists, aided by billions in federal funding, finally decipher the elusive chemical properties of Flubber.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">In early Spring, Justin Beiber shocks the world when he changes his Facebook ‘Relationship Status’ from ‘Single’ to ‘Uber-Gay.’ In a heart-warming display of loyalty to the pop star and his transcendant artistry, Tom Brady and 23,000,000 teenage boys change their sexual orientation. On his eighteenth birthday, Justin joins the Marine Corps and three days into Basic Training, he is killed in an overzealous Code Red orchestrated by Jerry Falwell’s grandson Brutus. Within a month of the tragedy, ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ is tweaked into the flagrantly unconstitutional but effective ‘Don’t Join the Marines if You’re a Pre-Pubecent Gaylord with Feathered Bangs’ policy.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">In the heat of summer, after yet another round of failed negotiations, Israel and Palestine decide to quit stalling and annihilate each other in a nuclear blitzkrieg. Without war-torn strife to define them, the world’s remaining Jews and Muslims wander the earth in a state of disillusioned malaise. Then, in a stunning development, the Jews discover Christ and the Muslims discover the joys in booze, cocaine and white women. Al Qaeda’s stock plummets and they declare bankruptcy in September. Abraham Epstein’s Yarmulkes, Inc. follows suit shortly after.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtlhwjzBRU1DkkvWWULkZUmkegIxfif633SOlD_VgWEGv0J1wZsTptMEmHYI79P5pXqvc2NoFjc6IQLa2EWyUhwK0Ubr5qx3RwHQleVlzLoXqcnBaBaZk7MTmLrEwl-QT15nN1j7YEfUU/s1600/images-2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtlhwjzBRU1DkkvWWULkZUmkegIxfif633SOlD_VgWEGv0J1wZsTptMEmHYI79P5pXqvc2NoFjc6IQLa2EWyUhwK0Ubr5qx3RwHQleVlzLoXqcnBaBaZk7MTmLrEwl-QT15nN1j7YEfUU/s320/images-2.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Growing concern over the recent rash of NFL concussions leads to the elimination of violent contact all together. Tackling is replaced with tickling and the NFL finally succeeds in wooing the American homosexual viewing audience, a demographic that had long eluded them. With less contact and no risk of injury, Brett Favre unretires yet again and rejoins the Vikings. In a divisional playoff game against the Bears, Favre is killed suddenly when his diaphragm collapses from excessive laughter. Linebackers Brian Urlacher and Johnny Weir are assessed a ten yard penalty for ‘Illegal Use of Tummy Sticks.’<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">During the autopsy, Favre is posthumously cleared of the charges stemming from the explicit text messages he allegedly sent a Jets employee after doctors discover that he is a eunuch. Upon hearing this, Wrangler Jeans immediately drops Favre as a sponsor. Wrangler’s revenue stream remains unchanged because, well, it’s Wrangler. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Reality television is ruled to be an illegal and unruly contaminant to American values by a Republican-led Congress and the legislation is upheld by the Supreme Court. In his majority opinion, Judge Roberts states quite eloquently that ‘Freedom of Speech’ protection does not apply to reality TV stars because most of them shouldn’t be allowed to speak in the first place. With all reality programming removed, the burden of carrying prime time falls on the shoulders of <i>Two and a Half Men</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> and <i>Big Bang Theory</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;">.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEm2-Jm9BqtKYBpAsPOumk51pXPapGlZNnTFrsqhT9Lt85_YAhb7Xr0fefnob3XeUJItB_TJ89PPVAzEx9k0BOX9P2MwB36QTIXZeNU0mlO-qttZ1I_S-a96zV5Jv-WzCVCOyIYqROXHw/s1600/images-3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEm2-Jm9BqtKYBpAsPOumk51pXPapGlZNnTFrsqhT9Lt85_YAhb7Xr0fefnob3XeUJItB_TJ89PPVAzEx9k0BOX9P2MwB36QTIXZeNU0mlO-qttZ1I_S-a96zV5Jv-WzCVCOyIYqROXHw/s1600/images-3.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">R.I.P. 1986-2011</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">This burden proves to be too heavy and both series are quickly canceled. Since fictional television writers are now extinct, TV stations are reduced to perpetually recycling re-runs of <i>Alf</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> and <i>Homeboys in Outer Space</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;">. In the closest voting in history, </span><span style="font-family: Courier;"><i>Homeboys</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> wins the Emmy Award for Outstanding Drama Series. </span><span style="font-family: Courier;"><i>Alf</i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;"> wins for Outstanding Comedy Series and in one of the most horrific moments captured on live television, Alf is assassinated while on stage accepting the award. A PETA hitman is arrested for the crime moments later and in the celebretory aftermath, catnip sales increase 300%. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">By year’s end, our greatest fear will prove to be accurate…President Obama is in fact a Muslim terrorist. On New Year’s Eve, he will dress Sasha and Malia in matching suicide vests and march them into Time’s Square where they will detonate the devices amidst the crowd of one million partiers. Fortunately, the bombs were manufactured in a converted GM plant in Flint, Michigan by inadequately trained employees so in a lackluster explosion, there is only one casualty…The Naked Cowboy. As his shredded, blood-soaked Fruit of the Looms rain down on the crowd like confetti, onlookers do not know whether to rejoice or mourn the fallen cowboy. I just laugh. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk_BZcXAHFO__p6dG6C8ZGamR8ZAUS7rkNzQa6QjO4JON2Ibi24uJMVvxRpGWM1srCjEsaghohfLtjgqcPaxany6A1OdV2q36WlKgHoSPuzSqLYy4TQRnjA2_ql6UbxDdyL9TWyr02BDo/s1600/images-4.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk_BZcXAHFO__p6dG6C8ZGamR8ZAUS7rkNzQa6QjO4JON2Ibi24uJMVvxRpGWM1srCjEsaghohfLtjgqcPaxany6A1OdV2q36WlKgHoSPuzSqLYy4TQRnjA2_ql6UbxDdyL9TWyr02BDo/s320/images-4.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">R.I.P. 1978-2011</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I know this is a lot to ingest but it would be neglectful of me to withhold this information. My hope is that the knowledge will fuel your efforts to truly make each day count. So enjoy the Palins while you can; they won't be around forever. If you have not yet been serenaded by The Naked Cowboy, get your ass to Time’s Square or forever live with the regret. Tivo every episode of <i>Two and a Half Men </i></span><span style="font-family: Courier;">and grow yourself a Beiber hair-do no matter how lame you look. Do whatever you need to do to seize this day and every one in 2011.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Now on a personal note, I am currently in pre-production for my film that will begin shooting in February. This endeavor will demand considerable time and energy so I will inevitably be neglecting my blog for the next few months. Will you miss it? Will its absence create a void and if so, how will you fill this void? Or will you really not give a fuck? I don’t know. But ask questions people. Always ask questions. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Luckily, my blogging absence will be well worth it. Because I also saw myself in 2011. I saw myself at the Sundance Film Festival where my film is accepted into competition and generating quite a buzz. But right before the Jury Awards are announced, I am arrested for humping Mila Kunis’s leg at a press junket. I spend a week in Park City County Jail…and it is worth it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Nine months later, her left leg gives birth to a child with a large forehead and a foul mouth. Birth of the mutant leg-child results in the long-overdue end of her relationship with Macaulay Culkin; a cataclysmic event that finally restores order and stability to the Universe. How long with this stability last? Will Mila and I end up together? Will our child possess her ethereal beauty or my unfortunate nose? Will these questions ever cease? Let’s hope not. In the mean time, Happy New Year and God help us all. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><b> </b></span></div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6792261998356118801.post-1269902180870886432010-12-04T14:16:00.000-08:002010-12-05T00:32:41.276-08:00Vick, James, Love, Hate: These Dichotomies That Plague Us All<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">There is an old adage claiming that ‘Nobody likes to drink alone.’ Well, I love to. Booze is a reliable friend and we have always been there for each other, within and beyond the presence of others. Furthermore, I have always enjoyed my own company tremendously.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As a writer, I sometimes feel the need to venture beyond the confines of my apartment in search of inspirado so what better option for a sauce-happy wordsmith than to go down to his neighborhood watering hole and cuddle up with a pint, pen and his trusty Moleskin (that’s a notebook…Google it.)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">There I sat, nursing a mediocre anejo (that’s a type of tequila…Google it) with a Stella back, sandwiched between a camouflage-clad war vet and a man that looked like Santa Claus if St. Nick were a smackhead with body odor and male pattern baldness. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As I genially fended off their attempts at small talk, I gazed up at a couple televisions to see two games playing simultaneously. One featured LeBron James and his Heat in their much-anticipated first game in Cleveland. The other featured the Philadelphia Eagles and the Lazarus of professional football, Michael Vick.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I suddenly found myself seething with more emotions than I could make sense out of as I attempted to follow both games in unison. The parade of boos cascaded down on James from the opening warm-up and would not cease until he took a seat on the bench after the third quarter ended. Vick, on the other hand, was on his home turf where in half a season, he has gone from divisive, third-string afterthought to the Kevin Colb-slaying personification of redemption and the NFL’s most ubiquitous story line.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So there I sat, watching Vick and James, two of the most famous and preternaturally talented specimens in their respective sports…and a funny thing happened. Santa Claus ordered another pint glass filled with Jack Daniels and a splash of coke and asked me what I was writing. I told him it was a graphic novel about lesbian samurai that save the world from a cataclysmic meteor shower. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But that wasn’t the funny thing that happened. The funny thing was that I found myself rooting for both Michael Vick and LeBron James. Yes, I am as shocked and appalled as you are. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicxMsd8JxDmlI3wA3i28AsGRdUJB2YwQjEs7NaUrwYrkPft7ByzZzMYzUGmHo5cJBM29_y0BYSpxNpn0qvwE0apvCTr-yot3Tu1qKuYEaxzshbrl9NhXz6GZrNp4dauFkopIxTBW-Fvdw/s1600/James.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicxMsd8JxDmlI3wA3i28AsGRdUJB2YwQjEs7NaUrwYrkPft7ByzZzMYzUGmHo5cJBM29_y0BYSpxNpn0qvwE0apvCTr-yot3Tu1qKuYEaxzshbrl9NhXz6GZrNp4dauFkopIxTBW-Fvdw/s320/James.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">What LeBron pulled over the summer was atrocious and in case you read my blog last week, you may have noticed that I screamed ‘FUCK LEBRON JAMES’ in size twenty-six font. I still feel that way but I admittedly noticed a jolt of exuberation when he sank his first jump shot early in the first quarter. Why? He is a spineless traitor who turned his back on a franchise while bending if not breaking NBA tampering rules.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So what was happening to me? I eventually realized that the overwhelming negativity heaped upon James had turned him into the guy I always root for…the underdog. Maybe since the city of Cleveland, the NBA and the world at large wanted him to fail, I wanted him to, if only for one night, rise above the pressure and become the legend we always thought he’d become.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Maybe. Because, and I’ve said this before, I watch sports to see athletes surmount adversity, even if they themselves are responsible for creating it. And what better example than Vick; a walking case study on the rehabilitory efficiency of American correctional institutions. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Can prison take an underachieving, uber-talented improviser and turn him into the mature, multi-dimensional pocket passer that Vick has become? One with vision, discipline and surgical precision to go along with his speed? Tom Brady is the only quarterback with a better rating and that is by one tenth of a percentage point so it is quite possible. Could someone who made money killing dogs emerge from a two-year prison sentence not only a better quarterback but also a better man? I don’t know. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I do know that Santa Claus here doesn’t look happy. He’s probably had a tough life and it’s December so he’s probably tired of all the fucking Santa Claus jokes he gets. And I know that the red sweater he’s wearing won’t reduce them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Anyway…where do all these feelings come from? I’m a curious little monkey so I’m always trying to dig down to the bottom of these quandaries to unearth a little truth. Have I forgiven James for his trespasses? No. I still think he’s a ginormous pussy. But the optimist in me hopes he will learn from his failures in judgment and action and become the leader we all want him to be. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Maybe he will fail miserably in Miami, take his immense talents elsewhere and secure a championship he can truly call his own. Maybe Vick will win a Superbowl this year and become the official spokesman for the Humane Society. Maybe Santa Claus is real and he has figured out that I’m not really writing a graphic novel about lesbian samurai. Maybe he’s pissed I lied to him and is not going to give me the blowjob I asked him for for Christmas. I asked him for one last year too and I got a fucking Snuggie instead so it stands to reason that I will get shafted this year as well. Okay, poor choice of words.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But you have to be curious about these feelings when they come up. At least I do. I have to wonder why the camo-clad army vet is rooting so vehemently against the Eagles. He’s a Jets fan (I asked) so it’s not driven by a desire for the Giants to climb in the standings. Does he have a dog at home? If so, he probably, and justifiably, hates Vick for being a dog killer and most likely will never forgive him. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEjA6jv3DnRtztn57hq2i9RhpUwqpZhlxum5WYnU56HdAejZtHd-V4zoyHbigydkI7xGX9IN-Jeh6VbFz1dD31BhGrw_H2HAH3H1EmXfIhd_KMgmDUTp8zNiKsu5mwohfHAEaSanoBkfE/s1600/Vick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEjA6jv3DnRtztn57hq2i9RhpUwqpZhlxum5WYnU56HdAejZtHd-V4zoyHbigydkI7xGX9IN-Jeh6VbFz1dD31BhGrw_H2HAH3H1EmXfIhd_KMgmDUTp8zNiKsu5mwohfHAEaSanoBkfE/s200/Vick.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">But despite his heinous past, part of me has forgiven him. And as a die-hard Giants fan who loves animals, this is difficult to accept. I can’t readily root for the dog-killing quarterback of my second most hated NFC East rival, can I? (Yes, Dallas, you will always be first…even though that Tony Romo is so goddamn dreamy.)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But I find myself rooting for Vick. And unlike those who have not had the luxury of psychotherapy…lots and lots and lots of psychotherapy…I know why I cheer for him. I know why I hated him for letting me down four years ago. Like anyone else, I too have been betrayed by those I once held in unreasonably high esteem. It stung. And Vick’s downfall triggered that sting. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I also know why I now hope for his success. Because Michael Vick and I have a great deal in common. We both run a 4.29 second 40-yard dash, we both have three children and we’re both hung like dinosaurs. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Additionally, we both have pasts we are not particularly proud of. And as another Vick touchdown propelled the Eagles to a fourth quarter lead they would not relinquish, he got one step closer to what anyone who has ever fucked up strives for…redemption. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But does he deserve it? The man regularly speaks at schools, telling kids how heartbroken he is that he is legally prohibited from giving his own children the puppy they want so badly. Is he telling the truth?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">The angry vet (war veteran, not animal doctor-a very relevant distinction) doesn’t think so. Santa doesn’t really give a shit. He seems indifferent, though he may just be high or generally confused about the world. It’s hard to tell.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But I like to believe that Vick does mean what he says. Because I need to believe that people can change. I believe I have and hope that I can continue to do so. One’s inherent ability to grow, to improve, to self-actualize; it comes up frequently in my writing and I am very cognizant of it. But most normal people (and I’m not knocking them, in fact I envy them) do not share this clarity. Most normal people do not spend their days investigating their feelings and their nights toiling in insomniatic introspection.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">So ask yourself…do you hate Michael Vick because you love dogs? Do you cheer for him because of his other worldly athleticism or because you too capitalized on a second chance that someone was generous enough to give you? Do you hate James because someone you loved once betrayed you? Or because you are too ashamed to admit that Cleveland sucks and it’s the last city you would ever want to build a life in?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">As a Knicks and Giants fan, I have all the reason in the world to hate both these men…Vick for the threat he poses and James for the promise unfulfilled. So what is going on with this cognitive dissonance that plagues me? Could it be a sign of maturity? Uncompromising hatred is easy and there is something oddly comforting about clinging to a nice, cozy grudge. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">But forgiving people is hard. Sifting through faults in search of virtue requires effort and ethical flexibility. So maybe I’m finally growing up. Or maybe that’s just the tequila talking and if it is, still…tal vez estoy creciendo.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">Both games ended and the final tallies were impressive. James scored a season high thirty-eight points in only three quarters despite the booing, heckling and multiple skirmishes that erupted in the crowd. Vick threw for over three hundred yards with three total touchdowns and both their teams won easily. How do you feel about this? How do you feel about them? And what do you want from them?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I’ll tell you what I want. I want Michael Vick to become the greatest quarterback in the NFL, exemplifying the prototype of the 21<sup>st</sup> Century that his potentially holds, thus confirming man’s capacity for growth and the ability to utilize the full extent of one’s limitless faculties. And I also want the Eagles to lose every fucking game they play for the rest of all time. Why? Fuck them and GO BLUE! That’s why. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I want LeBron James to fail in Miami. In a clash of superstar egos, I want Dwayne Wade to kick the shit out of James in the middle of a prime time televised game; a fight that results in their both being ejected and the Heat losing the final game of the year, leaving them one victory shy of the eighth playoff seed. Then I want James to leave Miami, eat some peyote, do some soul-searching in the desert and find another team to play for. Once there, I want him to realize what it takes to be a champion, I want him to dig down deep and I want him to become one.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">I want Santa to stop sucking down JD at a record clip and get to work on my blowjob because I really need one. And I need to believe that Vick, James, myself…we can all rise from rubble that we ourselves created and reach our full potential. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;">And <u>that</u> is what we should all strive for. Because, seriously, what the fuck else are we supposed to do with ourselves while we’re here?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div>Michael Wolfehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00493739309528644547noreply@blogger.com0