Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Second Guessing the System: And Then Quadruple Guessing the Second Guessing

Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck to think or feel about any of this nonsense. Guilt, innocence, credibility, reasonable doubt. Twenty-four hour media saturation that convicts someone before justice has a chance to…then second guessing the media for having done so…then quadruple guessing whether or not they have the right to do so…then octuple guessing which is more broken…justice or media.

Fuck me! 

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund and French presidential hopeful, is an asshole that for years, has perpetuated a work environment where slapping the secretary’s ass is as common an office practice as borrowing someone’s stapler. But is he a rapist? Within twelve hours of his arrest two weeks ago, the entire media circus seemed to exclaim in one voice, “Yes he is! Castrate him and feed his prick to the Associated Press with a baguette and a bottle of Sancerre.”

But now, because the accused hotel maid has a checkered past that includes unforgivable offenses like lying on her tax returns (GASP!), DSK has been released from house arrest. Furthermore, the District Attorney is second guessing whether or not the semen on her uniform and the fact that he checked out of his hotel ninety seconds after the alleged incident with toothpaste caked to his face, are in and of themselves, enough to try a case against this very powerful man. I mean, hey, you’d hate to foil a man’s presidential aspirations for something as tedious as an unsuccessful rape attempt and a non-consensual blowjob. Seriously man, she didn’t even finish cleaning his room.

Vive la France!

And Casey, Casey, Casey. What are we to make of all this. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I have not heard one solitary person outside of the legal profession celebrate this verdict. And at the same time, bouncing between CNN, Fox and the networks, I have not heard one person inside the legal profession chastise it. No lawyers seem to be all that surprised by this verdict and none seem to be even remotely outraged by it.

So are we all wrong? Sure, I hated Casey as much as the next person and I have seen “Twelve Angry Men” a thousand times so the term ‘reasonable doubt’ is nothing new to me. So what gives?

Has justice succeeded or common sense failed? And if it’s the latter, are the mind-bending intricacies that construct the former responsible? How could the pulse of an entire nation be this off course? I like to fancy myself something of an aficionado in the realm of deductive reasoning so let me give this a shot and see if I can’t get to the bottom of all this. We’ll start with DSK.

The housekeeper’s room card proved that she was in the room at the time of the alleged incident. This is indisputable.

The housekeeper is wearing someone’s semen on her fucking clothes so it’s most likely DSK’s unless someone else ejaculated on her in the hallway during her three second trip to the adjacent room. I have not inspected her uniform myself so I guess it could be mayonnaise or melted ice cream but I think it warrants further investigation. The semen just might have some of that DNA stuff I keep hearing about.

DSK was seen at the checkout desk exactly two minutes after the housekeeper left his room. This too is indisputable; proven by surveillance cameras and the time the housekeeper’s room key was used.

Now when I get a blowjob, even if it’s a mediocre one from a woman I don’t particularly like, I try to relax and savor the moment because god knows when it’s going to happen again.  I usually don’t get immediately dressed, brush my teeth and rush out so fast that I leave my cell phone behind and toothpaste on my face; especially if the woman has already left. But that’s just me. Maybe DSK gets blowjobs every day and he’s just that busy. Perhaps he was really hungry and anxious to get to the lunch meeting he allegedly attended after leaving said hotel. But again, common sense kids. What does all this say to you?

And what do we make of the media’s role in all this? We’ve got the NY Post calling the maid a hooker and the NY Times castigating DSK as the poster child for alpha-male-oriented abuse of power. Who are we to believe? How do we drown out the cacophony?  The coverage never ends so how are we to form our own opinions based on the facts and how is the justice system expected to live in an impartial vacuum when every potential judge and juror is drowning in the bullshit?

And now Casey. Let’s forget for a moment that we all think she is a lying bitch and hope she rots in hell. Let’s leave that alone. Emotions can hinder our ability to analyze facts so let’s at least try to just focus on some of the facts for now.

Yes, three months prior to her daughter’s disappearance, Casey (no, it was not her mother using the family computer…she’s a fucking crazy lying bitch too) Googled “chloroform” and other fun terms like “neck-breaking,” “chloroform inhalation,” “death” and “how to make chloroform.” And yes, they found chloroform in the trunk of her car. But since she didn’t order chloroform from and save her receipt for tax purposes, the jury could not presume that she actually bought and used the chloroform. Oooohhhhkaaaaayyyyy. Maybe.

The child was wrapped in plastic garbage bags and thrown in the woods where traces of duct tape were found. Hhmmm. I’m no detective but that has ‘foul play’ written all over it…not accidental drowning. Accidental drownings are usually reported, especially when ex-detectives like Casey’s father are involved. Detectives, you see, are great at determining what is or is not an accident because they can, ummm, detect such things. 

And since Casey eventually admitted that her make-believe nanny did not exist (truly a travesty because imaginary employees are much more utilitarian than imaginary friends), we can rule out kidnapping and probably say beyond a…wait for it…reasonable doubt…that Caylee did not run away either. Because when children arbitrarily run away, they usually don’t wind up duct taped in plastic bags dumped in the woods. 

I don’t have children. But if my little sister died, I would be heartbroken. I would be devastated. I probably wouldn’t get a tattoo that reminded me on a daily basis how “beautiful” life was two weeks after she disappeared without a trace. I’d probably be more in a state of ‘shit-my-pants hysterical panic’ and less in a bubbly, ‘let’s get inked and go out clubbing’ kind of mood. And I wouldn’t wait until she was gone for a month before reporting her missing.  I’d probably try a little harder to find her. But again, that’s just me.

Okay, so they didn’t find evidence in the trunk, other than the traces of chloroform and the testimony of several witnesses, including Casey’s own mother, who said “It smells like there’s been a dead body in the damn car.” So I guess it is feasible that Casey accidentally left an abnormally pungent, half-eaten KFC Value Meal in the trunk of her car for a month and then, after running out of Lysol, used chloroform to cleanse it of it’s odor. But again…common sense kids.

No, there was no smoking gun, but apparently common sense isn’t enough these days. Nor is a kum stain for that matter. 

This all leads to natural questions both of our legal process and the manner in which these events are conveyed in the media. And regrettably, this questioning, though healthy, does not lead to definitive conclusions. Nor does it provide closure for all those people that were affected by Cailee’s passing and all those that want answers to simple questions like “what happened?” and “why did it happen?”

And unfortunately, the answers to those questions may never come. 

Did DSK force himself on a poor Haitian maid that lacked the perfect resume required to even attempt to tackle a man of his power in a legal system this complex? Probably. 

Did Casey Anthony kill her daughter, stuff her in a few garbage bags and dump her body in the woods just blocks from her and her family’s home? Probably. 

But we will never know.

Something happened in that hotel room and something happened to Cailee Anthony. And whether the system or the media is to blame for our never finding out ‘why’ is irrelevant. We will never know 'why.' And that sucks enough.  

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